02/26/2007 03:27 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

The Oscars Telecast

It is one of our enduring delusive hopes that the Oscars telecast will be exciting, that a few
keen moments in which world-famous, beautiful people compete for a statuette will be
enough to fill out three hours or more of television. The buildup to the show is enormous,
but in the end what you have is an enormous green salad with a few nice added bites of
protein --chicken or goat cheese or tuna, best actor, best actress, whatever. You have to eat
your way dutifully throw all the leaves, because those special ingredients fall to the bottom of
the bowl. If the show was worse than usual --and it was, thanks to those dancers tumbling out
from the wings and casting shadows on a giant scrim-- at least Ellen DeGeneres tossed out an
occasional handful of whimsy. I liked the fact that, apropos of not much of anything, she
made Gilligan's Island jokes. Those, I suppose, were bacon bits.