(Reuterz - New York)
A Goldman Sachs spokesperson has confirmed that its new headquarters will reach "full operational status" in 2010. Constructed adjacent to the site of the former Twin Towers, the structure is "within range" of all of the firm's nearest competitors.

The most...

(Reuterz ­Office of Homeland Security)

Janet Napolitano, the Rubenesque Secretary of Homeland Security, confirmed that "the truth" and its accomplice, "taking responsibility" have been successfully detained following a Nigerian's attempt to blow up a passenger plane with his underwear.

Appearing on ABC's This Week Without George Stephanopoulos, White...

I know we buy petroleum from a terrorist nation or two, but must Americans give this guy our dollar?

(Reuterz - Vatican City)

L'Osservatore Romano has confirmed that His Holiness did indeed receive a new PowerChair this Christmas, just like Pope John Paul II had in prior years.

"He didn't pay a penny for his new scooter " said a spokesperson, " Medicare helped him fill out all...

In July, at the Museum of the American West, The Autry National Center (The Autry) installed the iconic intertwined shirts from Brokeback Mountain (BBM).
The shirts are center-stage beside the costumes of John Wayne, Kate Hepburn, Steve McQueen, and Clint Eastwood. It's an easy fit -great goes with...

(Reuterz, Washington D.C. )

Goldman Sachs has announced that its Treasury Dept. has completed a debt for equity swap with the People's Republic of China, effectively solving most of America's problems.

Terms of the deal give China all U.S. States, territories and possessions west of the Mississippi River -- plus...

(Reuterz: West Point, NY)

Speaking before a fully-packed audience of uniformed mandatory attendees, President Obama announced that he will deploy 30,000 additional US troops to Afghanistan, promising to bring them home just in time to vote in the next presidential election.

A White House spokesperson said "Bringing troops home always...

Editor's note: the following blog post is satire.

Reuterz, New York - In swift reaction to recent calls for his resignation, Lloyd Blankfein, Chairman of the Wall St. Church-State Goldman Sachs, issued an edict banning employees from assembling in groups of twelve.

Employees received the seasonally-festive,...

(Reuterz - Dubai) Visible from space, Dubai has completed construction of the World's largest structure, the 110 story "Burj Dubai Middle Finger Tower."

The dedication festivities were hosted by Dubai's Sovereign Ruler, His Highness Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, who took the opportunity to simultaneously announce...

(Reouterz) Chicago - Shocking even Herself, Oprah! Winfrey announced she will soon end her earthly talk-show reign in preparation for Her Ascension.

The publisher of O magazine who is known as "The Most Powerful Person In The Free World," Ms. Winfrey quoted Herself, saying She is leaving Her show "in...

(Reutrez) Washington D.C.

In a rare glimpse behind the closed-doors of The Federal Reserve, Chairman Ben Bernanke
released a snapshot of the economy they have been looking at for months.

"As you can plainly see, the economy is showing a "V" shape -- and there is activity...

THE LLOYD's Prayer

Our Chairman,
Who Art At Goldman,
Blankfein Be Thy Name.
The Rally's Come. God's Work Be Done
On Earth As There's No Fear Of Correction.

Give Us This Day Our Daily Gains,
And Bankrupt Our Competitors
As You Taught Lehman...

(Reuterz: Rome)

L'Osservatore Romano is reporting that Goldman Sachs is indeed Doing God's work, and His Former Holiness Joseph Ratzinger has confirmed the unsolicited hostile takeover. Writing under his pen name Benedict XVI, Ratzinger verified that total control of the popular religion has been transferred to Goldman Sachs and His...

(Rooters) Washington D.C.

Man Bites Dog!

In a bold-faced brazen move against their master, on Friday the Obama administration rejected a proposal by Goldman Sachs to buy as much as $1 billion in tax credits from Fannie Mae, saying the deal would have amounted to a net loss for taxpayers.

My partner, David Bohnett, and I sponsored the Wednesday afternoon White House reception honoring President Obama's signing of the Hate Crimes Bill. The crowd was a noble and dignified collection of invincible fighters. GLSEN's executive director Dr. Eliza Byard was there. So were the Shepards, James Byrd's proud sisters, and...

My friend and author Gregory Hinton wrote this account of what happened to him yesterday. I suspect like gays the Jewish community is expected to be "tolerant" of first amendment hate-speak, but its venom stings. I dare not think too much about the protesters, instead I'm focusing on...

Friday night I attended the GLSEN (The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network) fifth annual RESPECT awards. Their mission statement means GLSEN is in the schools educating teachers, principals, parents, and students respect for diversity. Since 1990 GLSEN has helped schools and students set up "Safe Zones" where bullied...