Strippers in Cages Get Loose and Terrorize Small Florida Town

04/09/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Many strip clubs feature scantily clad women dancing in cages. These women are highly dangerous and are usually well controlled, but the other night in a Florida Gentleman's club named Skank Tank the unthinkable happened when five crafty, wild strippers managed to escape their cages and wreaked havoc for hours in a small town. Apparently it all started when a Gentleman's club patron was gentlemanly giving one of the strippers money and yelling at her to show him her vagina. She asked the man to unlock the cage so that she could 'show him a good time'. He picked the lock and when the stripper got loose she bit his nose off. She then freed four of her fellow strippers and they all proceeded to attack innocent dirt bags. One man had his ear bitten off while another had a drink poured on him. The women then took off on a wild spree.

They first robbed a gas station of all its 1 dollar bills. They then broke into an elderly home and gave everyone half-assed lap dances. After that the exotic dancers stormed a Planet Hollywood and took everyone inside hostage for three hours. A severely shaken 47 year old mother of four named Alice, visiting from Iowa, had this to say. "It was horrifying. I was eating my burger and admiring memorabilia from the movie 'Revenge of the Nerds 3' when these crazy women jumped through the window wearing only bikinis. They forced all of us to buy them overpriced drinks and kept asking my 7 year old son to pay their rent. One of them kept screaming that she was in law school and that she hated her father. We barely escaped with our lives. Those women belong in cages. They are a menace to civil society. They haven't been properly domesticated." The police arrived and subdued the strippers with tranquilizer darts and promptly returned them to their cages.

The owner of Skank Tank was very apologetic. "I am deeply sorry for all the people who were injured by my strippers. They are usually very friendly and accommodating but every now and then some of them snap. I will put better locks on their cages to insure this never happens again." A Strippers rights activist was outraged. "How can you blame these women? They are being forced to live in cages. It's inhumane. They should be released into their natural environment." Activists are now lobbying to have the women returned to their natural habitat, a nude beach in Fort Lauderdale full of drunk college kids and douche bag muscleheads.

Below; Two of the wild strippers minutes before their escape. The calm before the storm. 2009-03-06-cage2.jpg