AN URGENT EMAIL TO MY ESTEEMED FRIEND IN NIGERIA
Dear MR. HAJIA MARIAM ABACHA,
First, 1,000 apologies for not responding to the valued emails you've sent me in the past. I much wanted to reply to your CONFIDENTIAL financial proposition, but I've been busy with a deal of my own, which I now share with you, esteemed Nigerian friend.
MY GRIEVOUS PROBLEM
As you know from having contacted me before, I am well-known and respected barrister in the capital city of Washington D.C. When my client, the Late Engineer Mr. Johnson Creek, died in a ghastly crash, he had considerable funds with the Lehman Brothers company of New York (America). Upon his death, my client had a balance of US$12,147,342 (Twelve million, one hundred and forty seven thousand, three hundred and forty-two dollars only) deposited with this institution, which was thought by my countrymen to be reputable and safe.
Unfortunately, the Lehman Brothers are now refusing to release the monies, saying they are "no longer in business." Pressed by my associates further, the company claims the frozen assets are resulting from "unfavorable subprime and low-rated mortgage tranches meant to securitize the underlying mortgages." As you can see, these words are gibberish. Only months ago, this company was informing to my client (and of many others) that they were "well positioned to take advantage of future growth opportunities." It is to my regret to judge all of these statements blasphemous untruths.
Comes that the Lehman Brothers of New York (America) now insists that any petitions for obtaining the frozen assets be made by the next-of-kin of the late beneficiary. Fervent valuable efforts having been made to locate Late Engineer Mr. Johnson Creek's next-of-kin (he had no wife and children) without success, and since I am his attorney, certified letters were sent which I tried to do but proved of no avail. You see my problem.
To make it the matter even worse, the representatives of the Lehman Brothers of New York (America) can no longer be contacted directly. They have refused my repeated telephonic and electronic entreaties, and there appears to be no lights on in their building. Thus, the considerable monies of my client in their possession are in danger of being deemed UNCLAIMABLE. This is where you can be of assistance, my esteemed and valued friend.
So to you my valued Nigerian confident, I now seek your permission to have you stand
as a next-of-kin to Late Engineer Johnson Creek so that the US$12,147,342 funds would be released from the Lehman Brothers of New York (America) and paid into your bank account as the beneficiary. The money will be shared by us in the ratio of 60% for me, 30% for you (Account Owner), while of the remaining 10% will be set aside for expenses incurred with here and there. I am trying to make this simple.
If this proposal is OK'd by you, then kindly get back to me immediately via my favored email contact. For security reason, use the subject line HENRY PAULSON. Furnish me with your most confidential telephone, fax number, and exclusive bank particulars so that I can use these information to apply for the release and subsequent transfer of the funds in your favor. In the meantime, beware of any emails you receive to your person claiming to be a group that calls itself "The Security and Exchange Commission." No such organization exists, and this deception has cheated many of my honest countrymen out of hundreds of billions of dollars (US$100,000,000,000).
In the event you don't accept please do not let me out to the security as I am giving you this information in total trust and confidence. But I have most certain faith that you will agree that in this time of grave economic uncertainty, it is best to be, as they say in my country, "well positioned to take advantage of future growth opportunities."
Trusting to hear from you, I remain most respectfully yours,
Barrister Benjamin S. Bernanke