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Confessions of an Ex-Priest: How Catholic Seminary Forms Victims and Forces False Forgiveness

Posted: 08/19/2012 9:20 am

On Sunday night around midnight, in the small town of Woodburn, Ore., a 12-year-old boy ran down a street screaming for help. A man dressed only in his underwear pursued him. The boy saw a group of people standing in a driveway and screamed, "Help me, a guy is chasing me." The bystanders drove the boy to his sister's home, where he explained, "Father Angel touched me in my privates."

This sounds like a scene out of a film, but this is not fiction. This is information taken from the Woodburn police department's probable cause statement.

On Monday, Rev. Angel Armando Perez was arrested. He faces allegations of first-degree sexual abuse, furnishing alcohol to a minor, using a child in display of sexually explicit conduct, and driving under the influence.

Like me, Father Perez was ordained in 2002, when the Catholic hierarchy's cover-up of sexual abuse was on the front page of nearly every U.S. publication. We received the same seminary "formation," which is the word used to describe the intellectual, psychological and spiritual overhaul that men undergo as they are "formed" into healthy, celibate and obedient priests.

When we were ordained 10 years ago, new priests were under a great deal of pressure. The people in the pews needed hope that our generation would change the duplicitous and corrupt clerical culture that had been unmasked. We had been "formed" to say all the right things.

A 2002 interview of Father Perez in The Oregonian reveals what he was saying at the time:

The sex scandals trouble him, but Perez says he is confident bishops are dealing with the problems. His new duties come first... "There are rules. There are so many rules," he said... "They taught us at the seminary -- we are not supposed to touch. I don't have any problems with that. I know my boundaries."

Later in the interview, an account of Father Perez's Mass of Thanksgiving is provided. Family, friends and parishioners gathered to celebrate the new priest's first Mass in his local parish.
"I said to them, my faith is very strong," he recalls. "That even though we have these problems in the church right now, these sex scandals, I really believe the Holy Spirit sustains us. God is with us," he said, and stopped to look at his notes. Silence. In the pews, he heard one parishioner applaud. Then another, and another, until they all were clapping. For a moment, the anxiety that accompanies a new Catholic priest in 2002 went away.

I had a similar experience at my Mass of Thanksgiving in 2002. When communion concluded, I stood in the sanctuary of my college campus' Catholic Church. Adorned in a forest green chasuble, I thanked those who had influenced my vocation. In the pews, people from each scene and act of my life awaited my next line.

I strutted into the nave toward the tabernacle and the clear windows that opened to the brick buildings of the university. My vestments swung about like they might lift me into the air. I pointed at the pew in which I'd once sat. "This is where it started. This is where an angry, lost kid listened to a homily about a deaf-mute and was opened to God. This is where I heard my calling to be a priest."

I marched up into the sanctuary and gazed at the upturned faces. They were the real Church, full of longing, willingness and trust. They deserved something more than what scandalous priests and bishops had shat upon them. My voice thundered through the speakers: "No matter what you're hearing in the press -- there's a lot of misinformation out there. Go to the source. Call seminary faculties. Talk to seminarians. The good men are still in the seminaries. And we are radically committed -- radically meaning we're gonna give our all to our vows, to our promises, and we are going to be the best priests that we can be. And live the mystery that we celebrate, which is the Lord's cross. We will turn over our weaknesses to the Lord so that he can make them into strengths."

The crowd leapt to their feet. My bones reverberated with an electric buzz that could only be the Holy Spirit. The foundation of St. Stephen's had never rumbled with such hope.

Over my shoulder, the priest, who had sexually assaulted me in the confessional during college and exploited me for two years after, clapped away. During the Mass, he'd said the homily. I hadn't wanted him anywhere near the celebration, but his absence would have raised questions. An unwritten tradition held that the pastor of the parish "honor" his priestly protégé by preaching at the special Mass. My Franciscan counselor had encouraged me to let my perpetrator preach, as an exercise in forgiveness and letting go.

In 2002, I chose silence, obedience and forgiveness. I played into the cycle of sexual abuse in the Catholic Church. So did Father Angel Perez.

On Sunday night, after failing to chase down his 12-year-old victim, Father Perez drove, while drunk, to the victim's home. He told the boys' parents, "I am just one who serves in the church, and I have sinned; don't stop believing in the church." The police report goes on to state that Father Perez refused to leave his victim's home until "the mother forgave him and 'gave him her blessing.'"

At my Mass of Thanksgiving, I provided my perpetrator that same blessing. Eighteen months later, I rescinded that forgiveness and told the truth about what had happened to me. Reflecting on the events surrounding Father Angel Perez's arrest, I fear that other frightened and "well-formed" victims of sexual abuse may have granted him that same "blessing."

 

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On Sunday night around midnight, in the small town of Woodburn, Ore., a 12-year-old boy ran down a street screaming for help. A man dressed only in his underwear pursued him. The boy saw a group of ...
On Sunday night around midnight, in the small town of Woodburn, Ore., a 12-year-old boy ran down a street screaming for help. A man dressed only in his underwear pursued him. The boy saw a group of ...
 
 
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08:22 AM on 10/13/2012
Father Dan Ward Under Investigation

Posted by admin on Oct 10, 2012 in All, Dan Ward
Father Dan Ward, OSB from Saint John’s Abbey in Collegeville, Minnesota (USA) is under investigation following claims of sexual and other misconduct. The investigation was commissioned with the knowledge of Abbot John Klassen (Saint John’s Abbey and Bishop John Kinney (Diocese of Saint Cloud).

For years, Father Dan Ward has been one of the American-Cassinese Congregation’s top legal strategist. He does the same for religious around the world (including Saint Vincent’s Archabbey) in his role as executive director at the RCRI [ More ].

At least five men and one woman allege misconduct by Father Dan Ward.

Just days after the Father Dan Ward investigation began in October, Father Ward was scheduled to speak at a Canon Law Society of America (CLSA) conference in Chicago, Illinois.

See webmaster’s letter to the CLSA… here. http://www.behindthepinecurtain.com/wordpress/letter-to-clsa-regarding-dan-ward-investigation/
08:22 PM on 09/02/2012
Everyone needs to keep in mind that while the behavior exhibited by a few priests is atrocious, we are all humans of sin. No one but God can make the final judgement of one's actions. Unfortunately, with today's relativism holding that absolute truths don't exist, people feel as though they can interpret things whatever way they think. The Catholic church has been around for 2000+ years now. What other organization can say that? And the reason why the Catholic church remains... 1) Holy Spirit leads individuals to lead a constant reformation process necessary because of humans succumbing to sin and 2) a commitment to stick to absolute truths. Without #2, an organization tends to just split and split until it's "everybody for themselves"... just look at all the Protestant denominations and now "non-denominationals". Of course, if you don't have any religious beliefs, then you probably won't agree with any of this.

By the way, here's an article that puts the sex abuse scandals in its proper context: http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2010/04/07/mean-men.html
12:31 AM on 08/29/2012
It's a wonder that any Catholic Christians are still a part of this corrupt institution with its rotten hierarchy. Catholics, follow your commitment to Jesus Christ and rebel against this dangerous and power abusing church hierarchy.
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rosemarysbabyLA
06:05 AM on 08/28/2012
The path to hell is lined with the skulls of Bishops and Priests.
12:45 AM on 08/28/2012
There always seems to be a strategy -- this time to write an open-ended check for the defense of this perp, offerings at Mass to support his attorney, the "best" in Portland at getting lesser sentences and deals for his clients -- all engineered by the compassionate Archbishop Vlazny. The plan has one purpose -- to intimidate the victim and to discourage other victims from speaking out. How about some compassion for the 12-year-old victim?
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ewb2001
12:07 AM on 08/28/2012
The church or the people of god is not broken. The broken part is the result of a bunch of frightened old men, the bishops!
11:56 PM on 08/27/2012
Finally someone speaking the truth! Thank you Tom!
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Zippy1169
An Ever Evolving Man
04:25 PM on 08/27/2012
The Catholic Church is so broken.

Mind you not the Catholic Parishioners, but the Church and its hierarchy. As a former Catholic my heart goes out because I know the struggle many face. How do I reconcile the rich tradition I grew up with the harsh reality of the Church's actions. If not for the ingrained belief and dependence on the Eucharist, I think this church would be crippled today. For me it took realizing that these men of hate who proclaim themselves something their not hold no special powers or relation with God, to be able to pull away. When I reflect on the fact that I received communion for most of my child who from a serial pedophile rapist who was knowingly left in place to wound more children, I know that the church holds no power over me or anyone else. I had to laugh the other day. My mom showed me an article about a former priest starting a reformed Catholic Church. His former parish warned parishioners that anyone who went would be sinning by not going to church on Sunday and for taking a false Eucharist. I smiled and laughed to myself. I though Oh ya those would be really big since according to who, certainly not Christ or God. No these are their little human rules to capture and hold their poor helpless victims.
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Jospeh Moose
03:03 PM on 08/28/2012
Am glad you have freed yourself from Catholicism...I did, too.
02:43 AM on 09/08/2012
As did I! I have never felt better without religion of any kind. I am a better human being now than I was even seven, ten or fifteen years ago when I was 'good' in the eyes of my devout Irish Catholic aunts but nasty and mean in many other ways. Now, they think I am the Devil Incarnate, but they have no idea how I have transformed, and it makes me sad :(
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Thomas Minot
01:07 PM on 09/11/2012
The Episcopal church has the Eucharist every sunday; have you tried that?
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Zippy1169
An Ever Evolving Man
12:27 AM on 09/12/2012
Actual, I might and my understanding are they are far more liberal at least some.  In my town there is also a very liberal Methodist church though the Religion is not yet supportive. However, and I might be wrong about this.  What has held people to the Catholic church is the concept of Transubstantiation which is the changing of the bread and wine to flesh and blood.  To my knowledge only catholics believe in this transformation.  Which if you really think about it is disgusting in concept. But folks don't think about the reality of what is taught and thus the hold. 
11:18 AM on 08/26/2012
These comments are awesome. Clearly this author has pushed a button on a hot topic that gets people angry and feeling things that they don't usually share. His experiences are real, his professional ties tot he Catholic Church give him a credibility. This is a voice we need to hear more from. Keep it coming, Tom!
12:02 AM on 08/26/2012
You "Christians" have absolutely no right to make me follow rules from a religion you chose to join. If you weren't trying to make others follow your rules there would be less push-back to force you to stop setting yourselves as THE religion. Learn to share and M.Y.O.B.
The words of your bible have little creditability to me, trying to make me follows "rules" from it is onerous, how dare you?
Please reference a single reference to Jesus, Christ or Christian in ANY Founding Document that set the principles of this country. It's not a Christian Country, never way, and now you're trying to legislate your hollow morality on us.
If you weren't trying to make others follow your rules there would be less push-back to force you to stop setting yourselves as THE religion. Learn to share and M.Y.O.B.
See how that works?
03:23 AM on 08/26/2012
Excellent post. Christianity has many flaws, including as you said, setting itself up as THE religion [otherwise known as arrogance].

But if that isn't enough, they have the unhealthiest attitude about human nature and human beings. They claim Jesus said we're all bad, sinful, thought poorly of by God. Yuk! [They also claim God in Heaven needed a pound of flesh to "save" us, so Jesus HAD TO die, when in fact His death was a political thing -- jealousy among the Leaders of the time.]

It can't be said enough: "Learn to share," and "M.Y.O.B."
sunsetstrip
I took the Sandy Hook Promise
07:39 AM on 08/25/2012
Religion is the crutch that trips up people as they walk towards God....follow your hearts not the ornate building that begs for money and lusts after your flesh....

A former catholic now agnostic
03:26 AM on 08/26/2012
You don't often hear it quoted here that at one point God got fed up with the priests and other church leaders, and said that "From now on, I will write my law in your hearts, and I will be your God, and you will be My people." Just what you said.
02:45 AM on 09/08/2012
The ornate buildings with gold and stained glass windows, where men that refer to themselves as a 'royal priesthood' talk about how money 'is the root of all evil.'
Boomerwoman
Momma said there'd be days like this
11:52 PM on 08/24/2012
May God give you peace.
11:44 PM on 08/25/2012
But which God? Can it be my God, the one I chose? My God thats tolerant and really means "the least of my brethren."
Boomerwoman
Momma said there'd be days like this
02:04 AM on 08/26/2012
I think we each are free to define what we mean by 'god'. And I don't think the government has any business in religion and vice versa.
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ManuOB1
A voice crying in the wilderness
09:35 AM on 08/24/2012
Who is the "ex priest"? Did Fr. Tom leave the oriesthood?
de-meme-ing
Buying USA Feeds USA, Supports/Preserves USA
10:44 AM on 08/22/2012
Dear Mr. Rastrelli,

I don't know what words I could say that might offer you solace, though I sure am struggling to find them. I want you to know that my heart and mind is touched deeply by this issue, that I have struggled to bring the voice of victims forward all my life; that sometimes I have succeeded and others times not. That sometimes I have know the best way to do that, and other times not, but I do keep struggling forward because it is an issue close to my heart, particularly children.

This issue deeply angers me, and I struggle with that as well, it angers me because there is no acknowledgement within ANY religion that they have spread these seeds of hate within their religion; they have thus far to date REFUSED to take this responsibility.

As to all the critical atheists? Where were YOU. I don't want to hear your arguments against religion, it's happening in your precious atheist public educational system even as I speak!!
05:05 AM on 08/22/2012
Forgiveness does not wipe away the requirement of restitution or penance. If this guy actually "studied" his theology, he would have known that. Secondly, the speaker at one's first mass is totally up to the newly ordained. Being involved with the Church and many first masses, that part seems totally fabricated. Choosing a homilist and "Arch-priest" (the priest that would be with the enwly ordained to help him should he be nervous) is a private matter. No one has any part in the choice, even if one is not a Diocesan priest and is with a religious community. That's ridiculous!
03:34 AM on 08/26/2012
No, it's not ridiculous at all. You know what you know, and that's fine -- but you don't know Everything, which makes your Post flawed.

You may not intend it, but you come across as really small-minded, like you feel you can speak for everyone on earth, just because you've been involved in "many first masses."

Please, can you expand your vision a little? ;-) There's a whole other world out there that you seem unaware of.