07/08/2011 03:15 pm ET | Updated Sep 07, 2011

One-Week Ban From Talking About Guys

I am the type of person who says "I am the type of person," but I am not one of those girls that says "I only have guy friends because girls are too jealous and competitive." Sure, a girl friend can be envious, but it is better than someone thinking about sticking their penis in your ass every time you bend over. I love my girl friends even if they sometimes tell me that plaid and floral print go well together.

But I have noticed something in my relationships with women that has started to disturb me. We spend a lot of time talking about guys. On the one hand, I enjoy analyzing my friend's relationships, confiding in them about hard times, or laughing at the expense of some dude who thought it would be sexy to shave off all his pubic hair. Silly man... we don't want to see any more of that than we already do. But if women are talking about guys all the time, it doesn't leave space to talk about other things. Of course, there will be a natural tendency to think about the men in our lives who we are in love with, just broken up with, have crushes on, or are so attracted to that we want to suck all the air out from their face and then stuff their entire deflated body into our vagina, but there is a world out there worthy of our conversations.

Why is it that we spend so much of our time together obsessing over men? I feel we give them too much credit by always trying to figure out what they are really thinking. How many times have you been with friends dissecting what some guy really meant when he said "what's good" in a 2:30 a.m. text message? Maybe what he meant is exactly what he wrote? "What's good? Are we doing this sex thing or what because otherwise I am going to play Xbox and jerk off." We waste so much energy pontificating about his potential torment to justify why he hasn't called back rather than figuring if he wanted you he would come and chase you. You don't have to care why he doesn't. Are men really that complex that they are worthy of all this thought and talk? If he likes you, he will make sure you know it, and if you like him give him some sex and a sandwich every few days and continue living your life.

This realization made me want to conduct an experiment. What if I refused to talk about men for a week of my life? Every time guy issues came up, I changed the subject. By taking the topic of men off the table, I learnt more about the women in my life than ever before. We talked about their careers, ambitions, fears, childhood, political views, spiritual perspective, tattoos they want to get, if they have ever used a "diva cup and then gathered their menstrual flow for a pagan moon ceremony," who their favorite Kardashian is, how to get rid of a yeast infection with yogurt, what to do with that yogurt when you are done, and most importantly, what they think about me. I had some of the most memorable dialogues I can... uhhhhh... remember because I was actually hearing their ideas about life, and not the drama and confusion of their relationships. Although, I did miss the stories about going through his email. Silly man... why don't you just get another email address that you cheat with?