THE BLOG

Blogger's Delight: Has It Really Been 32 Years?!

06/22/2011 10:56 am ET | Updated Aug 22, 2011

Truth be told, I doubt my wife would have married me had she not heard stories and fables long ago chronicling both my microphone and turntable viciousness.

Thankfully for me, I'm Imp the Dimp and she, like most women, fights for my delight, me being their pimp and all. She told me on our first encounter, "Damn, I'm falling for you, fly guy."

Ours was a whirlwind romance that involved me busting out half her friends at hotels, motels and Holiday Inns, leaving the remainder for Master Gee to rock the house with, and eventually driving off in a def O.J. It was difficult for her, at first, she being then in a relationship with Superman. I derided his manhood, for whereas I had my entire name on my chest, he looked foolish in a suit of blue and red and was prone to dash about in stockings. In time we settled down, my wife and I, and today I couldn't be happier, getting regular spank and sharing my life with a fly girl.

Just recently we went to the home of our friends, a delightful couple, he my baby bubba, she his devoted partner. Our meal included soggy macaroni, mushed peas and wood-tasting chicken. I tried to pass on eating under the guise of fullness, but my friend would have none of it. When I noticed that my chicken had begun to rot into a cheesy mess, I busted through the door without opening it and went straight to the store to procure a bottle of Kaopectate. It was embarrassing at the time, but I called my friend not long thereafter and he assured me he understood about my nausea at the ugly, stinky food and that we would remain pals.

I spoke to a good-sized audience recently, saying, "A hip, a hop, a hippy to the hippy," and adding, "The bang, bang boogie," which is just my customary greeting for black, white, red, brown, purple and yellow people. I use such folksy narrative to encourage foot movement and to distinguish myself from my much bigger associate Bank Hank and the aforementioned Master Gee, a diminutive man for whom I'd not wish to be mistaken.

Hank makes frequent public appearances, being at once here, there and everywhere. Gee too is well known, all over the world in fact, by foxy ladies, pretty girls and the rest. Together we earn a fair living regaling groups with bawdy tales. We'll likely make history as the equal of any other bad rappers, if not the baddest. Our beat often doesn't stop until the break of dawn, well past the legal closing time of most establishments. We just go on and on and on and on ...

*Disclaimer: I accept no responsibility for any consequences that may come from you wasting more than six minutes of your employer's time watching this old school humdinger.