11/19/2008 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

My Friends, Obama's "Class Warfare" Raises Taxes On Hardworking Americans... Like A-Rod And Madonna

My friends, Senator Obama says his tax plan will lower taxes for Americans making less than $250,000 a year. But where does that leave millions of honest, hardworking Americans? People like my friend Alex The Baseball Player. Alex makes $27,000,000 a year playing third base for the New York Yankees.

Alex wants to buy a small country and turn the population into his personal servants. And he wanted to buy the country but he looked at your tax plan and he saw that he was going to pay much higher taxes. Senator Obama, you were going to put him in a higher tax bracket which was going to increase his taxes, which was going to cause him not to be able to employ as many manservants or maids, which Alex was trying to realize the American dream.

Alex, I want to tell you, I'll not only help you buy that country that you worked your whole life for and be able -- and I'll keep your taxes low and I'll provide available and affordable health care for you and your hangers-on, wardrobe assistants, landscapers, favorite strippers, and the rest of your entourage.

And what about Alex's friend Madonna The Singer, who's now a single parent trying to raise her kids alone? Madonna made $72,000,000 last year. Hey, Madonna, you're rich, congratulations! Because what Madonna wanted to do was buy a life-sized crucifix covered in diamonds as a prop for her latest tour. And Senator Obama, you said that you wanted to spread the wealth -- in other words, take Madonna's money and then you decide what to do with it.

Now, Madonna, you're rich. And you will then fall into the category where you'll have to pay a fine if you don't provide health insurance that Sen. Obama mandates. Not the kind that you think is best for your family, your children, your crew of twelve that's responsible for transporting that crucifix from city to city, but the kind that he mandates for you.

Americans are hurting right now, and they're angry. They're innocent victims of greed and excess on Wall Street and as well as Washington, D.C. And they're angry, and they have every reason to be angry. The whole premise behind Sen. Obama's plans are class warfare, let's spread the wealth around. I support multi-gazillionaires -- and by the way, the multi-gazillionaires that we're talking about would receive an increase in their taxes right now.

Who -- why would you want to increase anybody's taxes right now? Why would you want to do that to anyone in America, when we have such a tough time, when these mega-super-duper millionaires, people like Alex, or Madonna, or Donald The Real Estate Magnate, or Michael The Mayor, or Cindy The Heiress, are going to create valet jobs and buy overpriced bottles of premium vodka?

My friends, this really gets down to the fundamental difference in our philosophies. If you notice that in all of this proposal, Senator President wants -- Senator Obama wants government to do the job. I want the disgustingly, offensively rich to do the job.

Well, thank you again, Bob. Thanks to Hofstra. And it's great to be with you again. I think we've had a very healthy discussion, my friends.