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Ten Principles to Live by in Fiercely Complex Times

Posted: 07/13/11 10:23 AM ET

If you're like most people I work with in companies, the demands come at you from every angle, all day long, and you have to make difficult decisions without much time to think about them. What enduring principles can you rely on to make choices that reflect openness, integrity and authenticity?

Here are ten that work for me:

1. Always challenge certainty, especially your own. When you think you're undeniably right, ask yourself "What might I be missing here?" If we could truly figure it all out, what else would there be left to do?

2. Excellence is an unrelenting struggle, but it's also the surest route to enduring satisfaction. Amy Chua, the over-the-top "Tiger Mother," was right that there's no shortcut to excellence. Getting there requires practicing deliberately, delaying gratification, and forever challenging your current comfort zone.

3. Emotions are contagious, so it pays to know what you're feeling. Think of the best boss you ever had. How did he or she make you feel? That's the way you want to make others feel.

4. When in doubt, ask yourself, "How would I behave here at my best?" We know instinctively what it means to do the right thing, even when we're inclined to do the opposite. If you find it impossible, in a challenging moment, to envision how you'd behave at your best, try imagining how someone you admire would respond.

5. If you do what you love, the money may or may not follow, but you'll love what you do. It's magical thinking to assume you'll be rewarded with riches for following your heart. What it will give you is a richer life. If material riches don't follow, and you decide they're important, there's always time for Plan B.

6. You need less than you think you do. All your life, you've been led to believe that more is better, and that whatever you have isn't enough. It's a prescription for disappointment. Instead ask yourself this: How much of what you already have truly adds value in your life? What could you do without?

7. Accept yourself exactly as you are but never stop trying to learn and grow. One without the other just doesn't cut it. The first, by itself, leads to complacency, the second to self-flagellation. The paradoxical trick is to embrace these opposites, using self-acceptance as an antidote to fear and as a cushion in the face of setbacks.

8. Meaning isn't something you discover, it's something you create, one step at a time. Meaning is derived from finding a way to express your unique skills and passion in the service of something larger than yourself. Figuring out how best to contribute is a lifelong challenge, reborn every day.

9. You can't change what you don't notice and not noticing won't make it go away. Each of us has an infinite capacity for self-deception. To avoid pain, we rationalize, minimize, deny, and go numb. The antidote is the willingness to look at yourself with unsparing honesty, and to hold yourself accountable to the person you want to be.

10. When in doubt, take responsibility. It's called being a true adult.

Reprinted from HBR.org.

 

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FeralForever
I'm watching you...so play nice
04:10 AM on 07/14/2011
Fanned! Great article. I loved your number 5. No matter how much money I have made in my life, I still cherish something I did several years ago, which I am currently making an effort to duplicate. I received no money for it but it became a rewarding passion. And I loved your conclusion, which is something we must always keep as a personal reminder; 'being an adult is taking responsibility for every action we make'. This is simple, yet powerful, and worthy of being put on our coffee mugs so we see it at the start of each day.
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Bellanova
I'm nobody. Who are you?
02:28 AM on 07/14/2011
Given the self-helpish title of the post, I was prepared to huff and snark, but found it nicely surprising in its simpleness and truth (although could do without the Amy Chua reference). Thank you, still.
NoRhymeOrReason
Teach your children well...
06:22 PM on 07/13/2011
Does this apply to politicians too?
03:47 PM on 07/13/2011
I called Dell service about my non working laptop. A woman with broken English answered. After I gave the tag number slowly and carefully, she repeated it back to me wrong. I hung up and later decided to try it again. A man with broken English answered. I told the man I had a health problem and couldn't talk long and please listen to the number. He repeated the number back to me wrong. I yelled at the man and hung up.

Ordinarily I am very patient and nice. People I know can understand me. Today wasn't bad since because I didn't deal with them as far as fixing the computer. I was just giving them the number off the computer. It was an accumulation of too much frustrating time before spent trying to give others like them info and repeating and repeating. It is hard enough to deal with computer problems without having to deal with broken English. The problem could be fixed easily if they understood what I wanted, but they don't understand English.

I know that I didn’t handle that well. Those two were not responsible for the frustration I had before. I should call Dell management and complain to them. I should apologize to the ones I yelled at and hung up on, but they wouldn't understand what I said.
Bellla
Trans & Proud
04:07 PM on 07/13/2011
They wanted you to hang up on them, that way they don't have to help you and they still get paid whatever pittance they are signed up for. That is why it happened twice in a row.
If you don't like it get rid of your Dell Machine and get something with more responsive service people. Think if Dell actually wanted you to get help with your computer , why would they have outsourced their tech assistance to a nation where people can't speak your language?
It was never their intent to help you, it was their intent to seem to be available to help you without actually helping you at all, while frustrating you at the same time.
And you are right, they just wouldn't understand anyway, that is why the work was outsourced in the first place.
07:08 AM on 07/14/2011
Exactly. Service costs money. That might come off Michael's big bonus.
11:49 AM on 07/13/2011
good post!

thanks for this.
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zlohcuc
"Serving millions from atop the Allegheny"
11:20 AM on 07/13/2011
Great advice for those facing special challenges in an unprecedented period of American history.
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couer
10:42 AM on 07/13/2011
I liked how you went straight to the heart of the subject. No long sermon explaining what your points would explain. I found some of the points obvious and others not quite. But all, hit home, somewhat shamefully. I have become so used to my comfort zone that I fear (and know) I am missing out on some experiences. But I digress. I enjoyed the article.
10:06 AM on 07/13/2011
Thanks you :) A lot of these points were great reminders for me to stay on track. I especially needed to see point 4 at this moment in my life. People trying to bring another person down only succeed as much as you allow yourself to get sucked into their games.