Why Is the Press Down on Fathers?

American holidays are supposed to be about doing good and feeling good. Today is Father's Day: a classic feel-gooder. Nobody has to turn a year older. No religion is excluded. A large percentage of the adult population qualifies. Hallmark is happy. Tie and cologne sales are up.

As a father of two I looked forward to celebrating my day today like other fathers. However, somehow the media did not get the memo. As I scanned all the papers, I thought less about Norman Rockwell than about Norman Bates. There were stories about President Obama admonishing fathers to shape up. There were stories about President Obama's own father being AWOL. There were firsthand accounts of fathers and sons who grew up absent each other. The only thing that was missing was anything about normal fathers doing what normal fathers do.

What is it with the media? Is there some mass conviction amongst that estate that a single chromosome marks the difference between being a good parent or not?

Don't get me wrong here. I am not trying to say that men are great parents and women are not. I know a zillion great mothers. It is just that I know a zillion great fathers too. Most of the guys I know are in their 30s or 40s and kill themselves to get home early enough from work to do bath time or catch a soccer game. Nobody goes to the gym anymore after work. Forget about seeing a father of school-age kids on a weekend. He is at three games or on a school retreat or a swim lesson. Men now are as involved in their kid's lives as women are and the stereotype of the father who hasn't changed a diaper or met with a teacher is completely passé. The reality is that most fathers have that much more to do now. They are trying to balance all their previous responsibilities and all the new ones brought about by children. Just about everything other than parenting has fallen by the wayside.

While I am sure that "deadbeat dads" still exist, I imagine that "deadbeat moms" do too. Instead of assuming guilt instead of innocence wherever a Y chromosome is present, let's consider saluting the millions of dads who have given up guys' nights and regular exercise and personal hobbies in order to accommodate the new expectations of fathers. Let's thank them for putting the needs of children and family before their own. Let's encourage them to take an hour or two to relax or do something for themselves.

For the editors and reporters who flooded us today with negative examples and veiled accusations it is time to get with the times! You have blown it today but look on the bright side- in about a year you will have another shot at it.

Follow Trevor Traina on Twitter: www.twitter.com/ttraina

Comments

[solomonsez]

It is hypocritical. or at least nonsensical, for anyone to preach or exhort others to “think differently” about fatherhood, unless one is ALSO demanding that our divorce courts cease handing out ANY “parenting­-unfriendl­y visitation schedules” (or ‘parenting schedules’ as they are sometimes called) for fit, caring fathers who live within a reasonable distance of their children's schools.

These schedules, typified as “every other weekend overnights throughout the school year” , are not only damaging to children (see Joan B Kelly's work in this area), but they act as a social statement by our courts on the value of fatherhood (since it is presumed, and is largely true, that 90% of those impacted by these schedules are divorced fathers).

Our courts’ presumptions on what constitutes a reasonable balance in the parenting schedules of two divorcing parents, are in effect a ‘default value’ for fatherhood in America.

Organizations like the Children’s Rights Council have worked hard over the last 30 years to reform these court presumptions (called ‘protocols’ in many states).

But where are all those claiming to be so concerned about fatherhood, coming out in support of those reforms?

[AndrewGalasetti]

Hi Trevor,

I can totally understand your viewpoint. The media have been tough on fathers this Father’s Day, but this needs to happen.

There has been a silent epidemic about the millions of fathers who have deserted their children and the millions more that aren’t “there.” Sure, there are plenty of deadbeat mothers but the size is disproportionate when you look at the number of deadbeat fathers and that’s why the press has been tough.

I believe that parts of fatherhood in America are broken and that it needs to be fixed. I published a post on my blog Lyved entitled “How to fix fatherhood in America.” I invite you to please check it out and reply with any comments you may have: http://www.lyved.com/family/how-to-fix-fatherhood-in-america/

There are also millions upon millions of great fathers doing an amazing job raising their children, and that’s who Father’s Day is for. You, yourself sound like a great father and I don’t think you need to be told that because when you spend time with your two children, see the looks on their faces, and watch them grow you know it to be true. But for the millions of absent fathers they need a rude awakening and to be told that they’re crucial to their children’s lives.

-Andrew

[Carpenterpoetzz]

I agree with you completely. I'm a Dad, and I resent the tone of things i have read lately. All fathers are not deadbeat dads, and we are actually fairly competent, but I think we are ridiculed as idiots by sitcoms and portrayed as wife beating monsters by every Lifetime movie. I thought Father's day was kinda payback for all the stuff we did right not an excuse to tell us how we aren't measuring up.