Power Through... With Patience

"Power through" had its start for me as a mantra during binge weekends in college - something to keep in mind while drinking beer after beer, eating way too much crappy food, attending football games and staying out to the wee night hours in hope of ending up in a stranger's bed.

I am a stay-at-home Dad and having been the primary caregiver of my fourteen-month old son... the phrase "power through" is back in my life. For the record, my son is the best thing in my life and I am grateful for every minute with him. Now let's digress. The last fourteen months have left me in a zombie state. I don't know what I did yesterday, I do really, it's just trapped inside my brain somewhere that I'm not allowed to have access to at this moment. Next week I'll remember what I did yesterday, right now I am too busy reading the Velveteen Rabbit to a little man who just jammed the nozzle of his sippy-cup into my ear. Let's "power through."

Ok, he is asleep. He managed to doze off over the ring of my cell phone. Like clockwork everyday, the second he closes his eyes and is about to fall asleep, my wife calls to check on him. Everyday that really annoys me. And by the next day I have completely forgotten about it and it happens again! A vicious cycle... if I could get more sleep myself it might help. So as it rings, I actually answer it because I don't want to feel I am depriving Mom a precious update on Baby's condition. A way more appropriate response would be to put the phone on silent and ask myself... why I am at home at 11:30am on a workday?

Where were we? Oh yeah, "powering through" could be perceived as a cold choice of words to describe this stage of parenthood. I don't agree. This is a very NORMAL thing for a man to say about parenting... especially coming from a stay-at-home Dad in the midst. I am living within a dynamic in our society that can be seen as emasculating. Have I been emasculated yet? I don't believe so; I'm still saying phrases like "powering through", aren't I? I chugged a beer in the closet after dinner the other night. When my wife asked what I was doing? I replied, "working on something for baby." Does lying mean I'm still a man? Hey wait a second here... that's a different topic.

There are many things that would be normal for men/fathers to say about parenting... we just don't always say them. Are men liberated enough to say them these days in our sensitive world? Truth be told; maybe men just aren't cut out to be at home with the kids. Let's examine it... Maybe men haven't thought about it that much and before they know it, they are living it with no way out, "powering through."

In one third of all married couples in the U.S. (according to a University study), the wives are earning more money then their husbands. The women have roared! More and more men are staying at home to take care of the kids. More and more men are taking the role of a stay-at-home husband. What is that... a stay-at-home husband? Is that a husband who tells his wife to stay out of the kitchen? Attention! These dynamics are growing in our culture for a number of reasons. Let's see if we can liberate the men now in these positions to speak their minds. Are there any of you out there that have a story to tell? Share an experience? (Suddenly my hand rises)

Patience is the key to being at home. Patience is a friend of mine. Be patient with patience. One could say that patience is the true essence of a man. I admit my newfound patience does feel good. Eleven months ago was the day we (me and baby) dropped my wife off at work. It was the end of her four-month maternity leave from her company. During those fours months my son was born and he had two parents giving him devoted attention around the clock. Two months prior to giving birth, my wife was put on bed rest. On the same day my wife's doctor told her to "hop in bed and ride it out," I was laid off from my job at a Fortune 100 company. So it had been six months straight that the family was together, all day and all night.

On a Monday morning last April, I drove to my wife's office with little guy in his seat in the back and my wife seated next to him (where she sat for over a year). It was then that I realized between the hours of 8am and 6pm I would be alone. Not entirely of course because baby would be there, but no other adults, no grandparents, no nannies or babysitters. Just baby and me.

"Baby" has become my favorite word. It can be used to describe mood, atmosphere, mental condition, physical condition, odor and of course it's literal meaning. How are things going for you and your wife these days? "Baby." Gary, would you like to grab a Dodgers game Friday night? "Baby." Why have you been driving around in circles for the past twenty minutes? "Baby." You can't remember where the grocery store is? "Baby." Did you just put a gallon of milk in the oven for storage? "Baby."

Yes, so as my wife left the backseat and said good-bye. I looked at my son. He smiled back. I looked to my left and seated next to me in the front seat was an incredibly beautiful blond woman. She smiled as well. She appeared to be in great shape. Ah hah, I'm not alone after all. She said her name was "Patience." Oooh, I can see I'm in good hands. "Powering through" isn't so bad... with "Patience."

Comments

[joeyb111650]

What is being done to change the upbringing cycle to turn the breadwinners into the breadbakers and the breadbakers into the breadwinners? Are parents instilling the nurturing and loving instincts of a female and the fiercly competitive nature of a male? What are the consequences of "role reversal" ? What makes either party mentally and emotionally prepared? What is the psychological effect on the children, if pent up hostility is the foundation for the change in lifestyle? As a stay at home Dad, Am I equipped to look at my role postively, like a career choice or am I resenting the role of a "Breadmaker" as not what I was bred to do? As a working mom, am I taking on of the role as a "Breadwinner"as a natural progression of what makes me a woman? Until children embrace the concept that either parent can be a nuturer or a provider, these questions will remain unanswered. Change will occur when the educational systems, the religious influences and the role models that are portrayed in the media reflect these roles as normal choices. When a child says "When I grow up, I would like to have a family and take care of the children and nuture them to adulthood or I would like to have a family and become a Doctor or a Contractor and follow a "career path". When this is accepted, we will have created real change and we are on our way to more equality between the sexes.

[WM33BH]

Loved this blog, it was very humorous to me especially since I'm a working Mom and my husband stays home with our baby. I have one short, but not so sweet comment: thank you and screw-you "Women's Lib." You've just made MEN even more powerful. Before money = power. Now, power within a relationship where children are involved = primary caregiver. Men by nature are fiercely competitive and if they aren't the ones brining home the bacon, then power is transferred by ruling the roost via raising our kids! Once again, we've given men all the power and in a lot of ways, we've made them even more powerful. Wonder if the women in the Women's Lib movement ever thought that this would have back-fired?!