In Defense of Princesses

Princesses get a bad rap. I have been a huge fan of Barbara Ehrenreich for years but I think her recent post about princesses misses the point. I was raised in the 1970s by a child psychologist feminist mother and a child psychiatrist father. We were PC before there was a term for it. Our bookshelves were stuffed with Our Bodies Ourselves, My Secret Garden and Marlo Thomas's, Free to Be You and Me.

When it came time to raise my own little girl I made sure to expose her to sports, cars and soccer balls. She could've cared less.

As I write in my new book, Bedtime Stories:

"Three-year-old Ava was passionate about cooking, baking, her nails, edible makeup and anything having to do with princesses.

"I was terrified she was going to grow up to become a Republican."

Like Ms. Ehrenreich and all good PC parents at first I was terrified. Where had I gone wrong? Why is my little angel (princess?) so obsessed with cuddling her dolly, tea parties and wiping off the dining room table? I knew it was best to let her make her own toy choices but it was hard. It was as if she had been possessed by the Beaver's mom or Donna Reed. Or maybe she was in long-term training to grow up to become a scullery maid.

Three years later her little brother came along and for a while he delighted in playing dolls with her. Now, however, he is six and has dedicated himself to becoming a ninja.

The more you watch your kids the more you realize that some key gender specifics are as hardwired as hunger and thirst. Most, but not all little girls go through a pink, princessy phase. Most, but not all little boys go through a phase where everything needs to be whacked and/or destroyed.

The good news is that these phases are absolutely normal and, like all phases, they pass. Ava's now nine and pink has been replaced by purple. For years she had been pestering me to allow her to get her ears pierced but only yesterday she told me that she now thinks it's kinda gross.

Furthermore, Disney did not invent these archetypes and certainly the earlier ones like Cinderella I have steered my daughter away from. As a divorced dad raising two kids the last thing I want to do is engrain in them the notion of an evil stepmother.

Newer Disney characters like Pochahontas and Mulan have been vast improvements. And in 2009 I'm hoping to love The Frog Princesses, Disney's first animated feature staring an African-American princess.

Which brings me to Enchanted. What a wonderful film. Look, I'm on strike and Disney and the rest are evil, greedy corporate behemoths.

Still, Enchanted is wonderful.

It attacks the stereotype of the passive princess waiting for the kiss from the valiant prince head on and with breathtaking cleverness. I was thrilled to watch it with my little girl.

We both got the joke and laughed our butts off.

Comments

[TheWesternBreed]

Why do people write "she could've cared less" to express absolute disdain, when it plainly doesn't mean that and they should have written "she couldn't have cared less," i.e. the correct and logical form of the phrase?

[RAMHaiti]

Imagine a princess becoming a lawyer, then Senator, then President of the United States.... What would Mrs Cleaver or Donna Reed say? Or even Mrs Cunningham for that matter... Impossible?
Then there's the other side of the coin; "How do former princesses view other former princesses?"

[JScott]

So....
What about Blocks/Legos and Tinkertoys (do they still make those?). Those were my favorites as a kid. Later it was scale model cars (coulda kicked myself for selling em off at a garage sale).

[christonabike]

Trey, you make some very good points but I think the horror that possessed Barbara Ehrenreich was the thought of her little princess being molded in the Disney-manner. Disney didn't invent the fairytale princess but was probably the first to give her mega-clevage. She was addressing the hyper-sexualized Disney aesthetic. Remember watching little Britney and Christina on the Disney channel? No wonder both those girls thought growing up was learning to pole dance.

[Beaux510]

Great post and one that I myself could have written. I have twins, a boy and girl that are almost three. My wife and I went to great lengths trying to keep the whole media packaged assault of gender identities at a minimum, providing equality in the gifts that they received and activities they participated in. She got a doll, he got a doll. He got Hot Wheels, She got Hot Wheels. The result - she loves pink, princesses, dollies and playing tea party, he loves his race cars, football gear(GO SEAHAWKS)and Bob the Builder.

[farseer]

Pink is just a great color. Women like it. Most men like it too, otherwise women wouldn't wear it. Men are just embarrassed to admit that they like the color. (see _Color_, by Faber Birren, pg. 195).

[TedB]

Thanks for the post, Trey. I have two young girls and I have experienced anxiety over the whole princess phenomenon. I worry that they are becoming indoctrinated into this whole fantasy; my mother is is the dominant purveyor of this stuff. I have thought about attempting to curb this sometimes, but they are having so much damn fun with it! It is good to know that it may be just a p[hase.

[Jude2004]

I so disagree. Having raised a daughter and two sons, I can tell you that every child, given the chance, will twirl, given a skirt to twirl in.

[jdm58]

How true! I would say that children WILL tend to mimic their parents beliefs, and actions. So, good for you to see "Enchanted" with your daughter, and it sounds like you talked about it afterwards. Glad to hear it! The sad truth is that many other parents out there don't even know where their kids ARE, let alone what movies they are watching. One of my kids favorite movies when they were little, was "FernGully", all about the evils of destroying the rainforest. The fairy princess/heroine helped save the day. We watched it together many times, and talked about the issues presented, as well as could be expected of young children. Not a big surprise today as they are young adults that they are both environmental activists, like their parents.