THE BLOG

This Mother's Day I Say Thank You to My Children for Choosing Me to Be Their Mom

05/11/2013 01:02 pm ET | Updated Apr 15, 2015
  • Trina Hayes Author, 'Just Love Her: A Mother's Journey of Healing Through Her Daughter's Drug Addiction'
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This mother's day I would like to say thank you to my children, Sean and Angie, for allowing me to grow into the person I have become today. I find that so often we think about mothers as being the ones who set the standards, who lead the way, who are the role models. Well, today I want to say that in many ways it has been my children who have set the standards, who have taken the lead and who have been my role models.

My children are now 26 and 27 years of age and I am so grateful for the relationship that I share with each of them. We have been through our ups and downs of divorce, death, diabetes and addiction to name a few. We have laughed together and we have cried together. We have attempted to force our opinions on each other even when we knew better and we have also allowed one another to hold an opinion that we may not have agreed with.

Underlying everything we have been through as a family is love, caring, compassion and understanding. My children know in the depth of their being that I love them and I know in the deepest level of my heart and soul that my children love me. To take that one step further, not only do I know that they love me and that I love them, but that they accept me for who I am and I accept them for who they are. I know that this has not always been easy as I am not the typical (whatever that means) mom who works 9-5, has lived at the same address for 10 years or been married to the same man for 25 years. No, I am the mom who dragged them to pow wows, who lived in the outback of Australia with them, who took them out of school on Wednesday's to go skiing because it was $5 for the afternoon. I wanted them to explore and experience life so that they were aware that they had options and that the world is their oyster and it would be up to them to become whom-ever they chose to become.

So, this Mother's Day I want to say thank you to my children for never giving up on me and for encouraging and inspiring me to follow my heart. They have been my strength when I was weak and I have been their strength when they were weak. For me, this is what I desire as a relationship between a mother and her children. All three of us have opened our hearts to accept one another for who we are in this moment. We may not always agree with one another but our love always supersedes the need to be right. When they have something of great importance to share, I get one of the first calls and when they are struggling with something, I am usually their first point of reference. And, when I am bubbling with excitement over a new idea or discouraged about something else, they are usually the first ones I call.

We live our lives interdependently. We have learned the importance of 'being present' for one another and also 'allowing' the other the space needed to grow, to learn, to explore and to experience all life has to offer. So, it is with love and gratitude that this Mother's Day I say thank you to my children for choosing me as their mom so that I could both learn from them and teach them.

This Mother's Day I invite you to look at your relationship with your children, if you have children. Ask yourself what you have learned from them? And, let them know how grateful you are for them coming into your life. We can all learn from one another. The one thing that I so often remind people of is that the one thing we all have in common is a mother. So, reach out to your mom and ask her what you can do to support healing in her life. My children have taught me so much about healing my own life and yours can teach you as well. Open your heart and ask them. I believe that our children wish for our happiness as much as we wish happiness for them.

With love and grace,
Trina M. Hayes

"Healing the world... one relationship at a time"