Oprah, Mackenzie, and the Fam

It seems like everyone I know, and even some I don't, assumed I would blog about Mackenzie Phillips. I, too, have a new memoir, Silver Platter Girl, which focuses on paternal sexual abuse. But my story is nothing like Mackenzie's, probably very few are. I mean how many children are born into the Mamas and Papas family of wealth, success, drugs, sex and indulgence? She has a disadvantage in disclosing her story to the public because it is hard for anyone to relate to the perfect storm of dreadful circumstances which doomed her childhood, adolescence, and adult life. Way too many of us can relate to the sexual abuse part, but not the part about being thrust into an adult world of excess to the extreme which created a family environment of drug abuse that enabled her long term incestual victimization.

It didn't take a PR genius to choose Oprah's gold standard talk show for Mackenzie's coming out event. Oprah opened the show by saying that she and her producers had been required to sign non-disclosures agreeing they would not speak about the story until the show aired, creating a heightened sense of anticipation for the bombshell to follow and promising high octane shock value. Perhaps it is out of necessity that Oprah can no longer afford to be the earnest, vulnerable, down to earth heroine who pulled so many of us out of our sexual abuse closet years ago when she disclosed her own story, freeing us of our silence and shame by educating, encouraging, accepting and understanding. She is a different figure now, powerful, larger than life, revered by millions, almost regal, successful and wealthy beyond the comprehension of most of us.

Mackenzie did not receive the marshmallow two segment interview recently afforded Whitney Houston, a woman who entered into an abusive, drug filled relationship as a consenting adult. In the privacy of a beautiful empty theatre in the first segment, Whitney sometimes rambled, spoke in broad terms in a hoarse voice, often invoking her Christian faith as an answer when it seemed she had no others available, admitting that she allowed terrible things to occur in front of her daughter during her darkest days of drug use and domestic abuse. Oprah hung on her every word, compassionate and understanding, leaning in close, willing her through the difficult job of explaining why it took her so long to leave such an abusive, destructive marriage. She shared on the second day that she had felt a deep connection during their time together and wondered aloud if Whitney had as well. When she surprised her studio audience with a performance by Ms. Houston, Oprah was caught on camera mouthing all the words to the song that she obviously knew by heart with tears streaming down her face. Mackenzie was handed her book and instructed to read from a certain page, Oprah saying she wanted to get right to it, despite Mackenzie's weak objection that this was not exactly how she saw things going down, but consenting anyway.

What followed was a disturbing display by a victim of unspeakable child abuse who is not yet far enough along in her recovery to completely understand her own story. She asked us not to judge her father harshly because she adored him and understood he had a difficult childhood also. Mackenzie declared that she wanted to become the face of "consensual incest", an oxymoron if ever there was one. She briefly ventured into simple celebrity tell-all with her nearly smug account of being seduced by Mick Jagger when she was 18, virtually with the consent of her nearby father, also her lover. Understandably there is a part of Mackenzie that is still deeply connected to her role as an insider in a musical and cultural revolution the likes of which we may never see again. Come on, who among us can't admit to a little bit of jealousy there, despite the horrors that came with the price of admission.

There are some stereotypical components to this story. There is no doubt in my mind that Mackenzie is an abuse victim on many levels. She looks like one, she acts like one. She has only been clean and sober for a year so she is taking on a lot with this public disclosure. I hope she has a tremendous support group around her because she will need it. Her family's response is pretty predictable. In her case, not one but two stepmothers are angry and say she is lying. In most of these cases, that is exactly what mothers do. In most cases, it is more hurtful than the abuse itself, but probably not in this case. It was fascinating to watch the media repeatedly condense the family statements, leaving out pieces that were more telling than those more often quoted.

The sound bite version of half sister Bijou's statement said that Mackenzie had disclosed the relationship to her whereas the full statement also claims that Mackenzie later told her it wasn't true. (This would not be at all unusual for an incest victim testing family reaction as well as her own response to having dared to tell the secret.) The part of stepmother Genevieve Waite's statement that was reported was that John was "incapable" of having such a relationship with his own child. What you most likely didn't hear was that she would often complain to John about Mackenzie's "overly familiar attitude" toward him and he would tell her that was "just her way". (Ms. Waite obviously doesn't understand that she just provided strong evidence in favor of Mackenzie's claim.) Mama Michelle called Mackenzie mentally ill suggesting that it was hard to believe a woman who spent so much of her life with a needle stuck up her arm.

No wife wants to believe, or God forbid have anyone else believe, that she could have been married to such a monster and either didn't know it or didn't stop it. So discrediting the victim is pretty standard stuff. But, even by those standards, it is a pretty low blow for Mama Michelle to blame the victim for drug induced lack of integrity when it was her father who introduced her to drugs at age 11, with rampant drug use being the one detail agreed upon by all parties. The most supportive statement seemed to be from Jessica Woods, daughter of Papa Denny Doherty. She declared Mackenzie's claim to be truthful, saying her father told her the "awful truth" and that he was "horrified" by it.

What surprised me the most was Howard Stern's take on the story. He was upset because Mackenzie asked us not to dislike her dad for what he had done. He was upset because she called the sexual relationship "consensual". He played old clips with John making reference to how close he was to Mackenzie and how he kept nothing from her, including his drug use. He played a song John wrote for his daughter with its telling, now haunting lyrics. Howard got it and, by doing so, demonstrated how painful it is to watch the lifelong sentence of child sexual abuse in action. I felt a little guilty because my PR firm arranged an interview for me with a Howard Stern producer to appear on the show to promote my book, Silver Platter Girl. And I didn't think Howard would be fair to me and my subject, thought it was an unsafe environment in which to speak about sexual abuse. Perhaps I was wrong.

Mackenzie's disclosure and her book don't really change things all that much. The people who didn't want to know or talk about incest still don't want to, thinking it better left in the closet, on the therapy couch, or as the dubious jewel of dysfunctional families.

Those who don't really care about it or don't think it applies to them saw it as just another salacious pitch to sell books. Those in the Mamas and Papas extended family probably already had a pretty good sense of this particular secret but didn't think they would ever have to stand in the harsh glare of public disclosure and land on one side or another of this complex and disturbing issue, often exposing just as much about themselves as the accuser. There are countless numbers of victims who disclose every day and are striving to become long term survivors, but not on Oprah, and not in a book about their famous family. These survivors will not become the face of anything, they will just try to get along, to get better, to get well. Hopefully they will not be too swayed by what happened in last week's news cycle. Incest is never consensual, addiction is a result of abuse, and excuses should not be made for abusers.

 

 

Comments

[toocoldout]

I think Mackenzie enjoyed her experience on the Oprah show, especially the part when Oprah brought out her TV sister. And Mackenzie did return for a follow up show a couple days later so she obviously didn't mind the way Oprah interviewed her.

[toocoldout]

I don't think Oprah was being cold, but rather she was just being objective & neutral. She was probably warned before the show that the story might turn out to be not true, so Oprah was probably just trying to maintain a little emotional distance to avoid getting egg on her face if Mackenzie gets discredited. In addition, the story really defames her father so that's another reason to play it neutral.

[kiksadi50]

Sad. Sad for everybody. Mackenzie will never be able to heal & transcend this experience of the ultimate betrayal by a father until she is able to admit that it was in fact abuse. I also do not believe that she will be able to remain drug free. Identifying the experience as "consensual incest" will not reduce her guilt & shame, it will feed it. Shame, pain & guilt is why most addicts use. What a terrible message she is sending other incest victims who have been told over & over that it was their fault. Whoopi Goldberg's statement that Polanski did not commit "rape/rape", suggesting that it was it was not 'real' rape, & now Mackenzie promoting consensual incest.... October is sexual abuse/domestic violence awareness month. Maybe instead of promoting a book Mackenzie should go volunteer at a shelter for sexual abuse survivors.

[rescht]

Thank you for this article on incest and placing it in proper perspective. I, too, am a huge Oprah fan and even credit her with moving us along a higher evolutionary path through her various topics and discussions. But I was a little disappointed and confused by the Mackensie Phillips segment, and how she seemed to be left out there without much sympathy or support from Oprah. I almost thought that there was something more going on that Oprah knew that I, and others did not and kept looking for other news to confirm it. Nothing has come out that disproves her story to me. Thank goodness for Valerie Bertinelli, who saved the moment with her lack of judgement and love for her friend.

Absolutely I agree that Mackensie Phillips is still processing her experience, made more difficult by the drug abuse. It may take years, but I for one, also hope that she gets the help and support she so greatly deserves. There is most definitely a re-building process from inside out... not just talking therapy, but other modalities that might help bring her body and mind back into balance.

[Jyoti Naik]

Nearly 90 percent of alcoholic women were physically or sexually abused as children, according to research just released by the New York State Office of Alcoholism and Substance Abuse Services (OASAS). The findings were published in a special supplement to the Journal of Studies on Alcohol.
Researchers looked at 472 women between the ages of 18 and 45. They found significantly higher rates of childhood victimization among female alcoholics than among women in the general population, suggesting that childhood victimization may play a significant role in the development of alcohol problems among women.

http://www.accessmylibrary.com/article-1G1-14235323/new-research-show-link.html

[flow555]

Trish, Thanks so much for your post. You make some excellent points.

I do have one comment about how Oprah treated Mackenzie on the show. I too, watched and was surprised at the apparent change in plan, where Oprah had Mackenzie read her own words.

After reflecting on that, I believe that was actually quite a gift to Mackenzie. We are talking about a person, who as a girl had the gumption to confront her abuser (when she said to her dad: You raped me!), only to have his twist around the reality, and say that it was love-making. The whole up is down, left is right, is part of the ongoing abuse this girl was subjected to from a very early age.

While reading her own words on Oprah, may have been unexpected, I think Oprah did it that way, to give her a chance to speak for herself, and not be spoken about. It may have been harder, but in the long run, claiming her truth is the whole point of writing the book in the first place.

By the way, after reading your post, a friend and I went looking for your book. Like you, my friend is also an abuse survivor, and has spent the majority of her adult life recovering, reclaiming and healing. It's a long and difficult path. I am in awe of her courage, as I am of yours. Best wishes to you as you bring your truth to the world.

[FabulousAt52]

Excuse me....when adults are involved incest can absolutely BE consensual.
It may be very very rare, but it does happen. It is just as twisted and damaging and taboo as non-consensual incest, but it does exist. I personally know of one woman who had a 6 year incestuous affair with her half-brother - who was 2-3 yrs older.
I was told it started as a mutual attraction, (she was about 17 or so) and continued for those 6 years because they BOTH wanted it to. They lived under the same roof with their mother for half those years, (I don't remember if fathers were around), and more than one or two of their own friends knew of this situation. I lost touch with them _many_ years ago, so I don't know what ultimately happened between them. I do remember hearing at some point a long time back that they had gotten their own place together...
But it is completely incorrect to say incest Is *never* consensual. Between adults it CAN be....

[Calicoe99]

Yes, you are right there Fabulous 52, but the distinguishing feature in your example is that they were consenting siblings, close in age. In the case of Mackenzie, she was a teenage girl abused by her father. It is a much different pathology.

[FabulousAt52]

Actually, considering nothing about their father/daughter relationship has *ever* resembled any sort of typical or normal father/daughter relationship, and in fact, they were more like Pals, or siblings (or drug buddies) than traditional father-daughter, makes the pathology VERY similar. Mackenzie was even a year or two older (when the affair started) than the woman I knew... it's not about age really - in my opinion- it's about making choices as adults.
Mackenzie was a financially independent, working, living away from home - (not under her father's roof ) *married* woman as she made the choice to keep sleeping with her dad. It was consensual. I'm done debating the whole "first time was rape" thing. She still had the chances and choices to make that could have lead her FAR away from her Dad forever... if she really wanted to.

I see we're talking again? :-)
I did apologize to you in that other Mackenzie thread...

[mariegachelin]

Good that you acknowledged that Mckenzie Phillips is an abuse victim and that she looks like and acts like one.

However, saying, “Come on, who among us can't admit to a little bit of jealousy there, despite the horrors that came with the price of admission”, you diminish sexual abuse and child abuse.

Abuse is nothing that anyone should envy and under no circumstances should we attempt to justify or glamourize any type of abuse.

Ms. Phillips's reference that the abuse was “consensual”, shows us that she is still unable able to admit that she is a victim of sexual abuse. Self-blame and excuses are typical symdromes of victims of abuse.

Mckenzie Phillips’s background is an example that children born into much wealth are not immune from abuse. Wealth often prevents help. Those who surrounding them don’t dare extend a hand by reporting suspicious incidents because they enjoy the relationship with famous clients, don’t feel thay they are required to report child abuse, or are impressed by celebrities or many who are too stupid to see abuse as oppose to children of financially less prominent parents or from poorer communites that are disproportionately represented in cases of child abuse. Children of lesser means go to county hospitals, attend day care, public schools and have ties to those who are obligated to report child abuse. Maybe Mckenzie Phillips’s story will open the public’s eyes and help protect children from all financial, education and social backgorounds.

[cluesearch]

I didn't get to see the entire interview but I did see a portion of it. My take was that Oprah had a difficult time wrapping her head around this particular incest story primarily because McKenzie used the word "consensual" and that she claimed the abuse started at 19 years. I think she was further cowed by the fact that McKenzie defended her father so vigorously and talked about how good a man he was. I think she had an especially difficult time with the fact that McKenzie is clearly still using (she seemed high at the interview-­-understan­dably so, who wants to get on television and tell that story sober?) I think this was difficult for Oprah to see beyond. I think Oprah views the world through empathy and she found it difficult to empathize with someone who is still so clearly in denial about how abusive her father was. Who knows what behind the scenes wrangling occured between McKenzie's agents and Oprah. I'm sure that McKenzie's agents are likely victimizing her in a different manner and have boiled her story down to exposure and dollars. This probably also turned Oprah off.
Finally, Oprah has a long relationship with Whitney. It is not surprising that she was more engaged with her story.

McKenzie has such a sad and tragic story. My heart goes out to her. I don't know many children who can say they have control over their parents behaviors towards them.

[DoubtingThomasP]

This is the first article that I've read that has been critical of Oprah. I could not believe how cold Oprah was toward Mackenzie. And I'm certain Oprah used her own sexual abuse past to give Mackenzie a false sense of being sympathetic to her story. I find Oprah's motives quite apalling, it seems her main concern was landing the big "get" of the Mackenzie interview. She showed far more sympathy toward Whitney Houston, who is clearly still using.

[workingmom]

I also thought Oprah was cold but I wasn't sure because I am not a regular viewer. She seemed detached and unsympathetic throughout. She could have brought Valerie Bertinelli out earlier to support Mackenzie, if she herself had no interest.

[FabulousAt52]

Oprah may be a lot of things... but she's not stupid. I think she may have purposely not allowed herself to become emotionally "invested" in Mackenzie's story, at least not visibly so. Oprah has been duped before about less important and personal things, so I can understand her caution.
Frankly,Mackenzie's story can be taken a number of ways.

Personally, I believe there was incest. I also believe it MAY have been consensual from the get go, although both parties were drugged up and not in their right minds.

Setting aside the "first time was rape" debate... I think what Mac is *really* confessing to (in a slightly skewed, "I'm-not-s­ure-who's-­to-blame" kind of way) is that she had a 10 year consensual incestuous affair with her dad. Period. Either way, she needs lots more professional help, and a lot less "victim worship" and pity party. She needs to confront her own issues.

Your mileage may vary, and that's fine.
I'm confident in my perspective, although unlike many many many others here (and in other Mackenzie threads) I will always admit I COULD BE wrong... but I don't THINK I am at this point.

[jessicajuliette]

doubtingth­omasp--opr­ah was relatively cool to Mackenzie..oprah is nothing else if not sharp..

IMO Oprah knows people will recoil from the dynamics of this story...

Oprah also is saying to herself, i was a kid, i wasnt 19-29 having sex..and not concensually with my dad!

trust me, if it comes up, Oprah will be the first one to say all abuse is not equal..

she wanted to "get" the story, but doesnt want viewers to feel that she identifies with this particular story...

right or wrong, a WHOLE LOT OR PEOPLE will ust find this story so repellent....and Oprah knows that..
Whitney----drugs
Mackenzie--drugs and sex with her father....

may not be right, but this is so distasteful to a large number of people, that she felt safe in exuding an air of disgust, however mild...

[Imlistening]

I pray that Mackenzie Phillps will find healing through this additional ordeal. She, like many of us, is a victim of a situation that was completely out of her control. Her love for her dysfunctional father (and family) and her wonderful willingness to forgive him should not be misconstrued as an acceptance of his criminal acts. He betrayed his daughter's trust and abused her love of him. There is a lot to grieve for whenever something like this happens. Hang in there Mackenzie - I am so proud of you!

[ChelleAgain]

Thank you, Trish Kinney.

[happymom]

Absolutely! Thank you so much for this. May many more Huff. writer's take on this difficult and daunting issue with courage. I keep repeating this in other posts, but I have no doubt this is a silent epidemic in our country and the fact that McKenzie was in a high profile family will open the dialogue much broader on the issue. She had great courage, knowing the criticism she would potentially face.

I have a slightly different perspective on the Oprah situation, as I thought she was simply reserved, knowing McKenzie had just recently become clean and after having gone through the "A Million Little Pieces" catastrophe. I personally think she was trying to use good judgment and not jump on the bandwagon too soon with this one. Despite that opinion, I hope she will hear the public on this and now that ALL the evidence has surfaced--- will have McKenzie back on the show and embrace her more obviously and wholeheartedly.

Anyway, thanks. Great article.

[ptherapist]

Bravo Trish!!!
I am a psychotherapist and writer and am finally glad to see the only decent article regarding Mackenzie.

How can it be consensual when you drug your child at 11 and she is drug induced from that point on.
The interview was appalling and continues the abuse. Interesting how John was such a good father that he wouldn't "think" of having sex with his daughter but I guess good fathers drug up their daughters.

[FabulousAt52]

There was a whole different set of dynamics about drug use (in families) back in the 70's than there may be now a days.
Back in the 70's, those who lived the well-to-do, but hippy / counter-culture / bohemian / commune lifestyle did not view drug use (or abuse) the same way we do now. Then drugs were seen as more of a life / spiritual / mind enhancing experience... today, not so much.

And if I recall Mackenzie's telling of that first time she used drugs with her father, I believe SHE asked him to show her how to do it and to guide her along in her experience. Was she only 11? Honestly, I can't remember for sure, I always remembered / thought she said she was 16. But whatever...
was it wrong and crazy and stupid of her dad to do that to her? ABSOLUTELY!!!
But no one ever said John Philips was a sane man - or a good father.

I knew a few people in high school and elsewhere who were my age or slightly older who did drugs (weed, coke, crank, alcohol) with one or both parents. That kind of thing was very common, but yet not unheard of back then. Today we view drugs in general, and kids using them especially, very differently.

[jessicajuliette]

actually fabulous, i honeslty dont know anyone in my age group i'm 56 who did drugs with their parents, or knew of parents that did drugs...

my age group was using marijuana in college a lot, and i find it difficult to chastise young people(ok my son) who use marijuana as my ex husband did and (probably still does).

people keep saying it was so different in the 70's..kids smokin herb yes-, parents no.

christ, if we smoked cigarettes in our uniforms(Catholic schools) we were in huge trouble, much less use drugs with our parents...but then again, just goes to show, everyone has different and varied experiences...

that's ok, i'm your huckleberry....

[Norwalkgirl]

Thanks to the author for a very well written article. I have always been a huge fan of Oprah's and one of her biggest defenders but I was shocked at how callous and cold she was in the Mackenzie interview ESPECIALLY contrasted with the warm welcome Oprah gave to Whitney. It was very clear watching the interview that Mackenzie never had a chance in life. I commend her for standing up to repeated tries by Oprah to blame her for what happened. It made me sick.

The other thing I would like to point out to the haters who think she could have sought help.... Perhaps she could have and perhaps you or I may have. But it is clear to me she was not you or I and Mr. Phillips not an average dad. This man clearly groomed her the way many child molesters groom their vicims. She adored him and wanted his affection more than anything - remember, he abandoned their family to shack up with a 17 year old. He preyed on that vulnerability and after the 1st rape who would believe her? She was a junkie by this point, he made sure of that. Who would beleive this story from an addict? How do you tell anyone that this awful thing that happended to you? I think after a while she just accepted it so that she could live with herself.