I'm OK. They're Nuts.

They don't do it -- because they've had enough. Some women in midlife are not coloring their hair, dieting religiously, and struggling to achieve unrealistic standards of physical beauty. While the statistics continue to startle us -- $8.2 billion worth of beauty products sold in 2006, a $55.4 billion annual weight loss industry, and 2.7 million women aged 51-64 who underwent cosmetic surgery in 2005 -- there appears to be a subset within this demographic that is letting go of measuring self-worth based on appearances.

Could it be that there's a backlash against all the nipping, tucking and Photoshopping to create impossible beauty ideals?

Some research says yes. Marika Tiggemann, at Finders University in Adelaide, Australia, began with a reasonable premise that goes like this: Since women, as they age, fall farther from the fashion model ideal -- tall, size-zero thinness, and young -- older women would likely hate their bodies more than younger ones, who at least have youth in their repertoire. Surprisingly in a survey of 322 women, aged 20 to 84, Tiggemann found that women's body dissatisfaction did not increase as they aged.

"Everyone says, 'I'd rather be thinner' or 'I'd like to have a body that looks like this,'" Tiggemann says, in a personal interview. "But it matters less to a woman when she gets older."

In other words, the average middle-aged woman has grown smarter. As she grays, wrinkles, and thickens, she increasingly dreads the changes to her hair, skin, and shape. But she is no longer willing to endanger her health or simply go to all the expense and trouble to try to meet contemporary culture's idealization of women. Some women are letting go.

Makers of the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty have tapped this vein. Their latest campaign, "Onslaught," is all the rage. In it, a fresh-faced adolescent is depicted on the brink of life. Next follows a barrage of destructive beauty ads, videos, even the acts of bulimia nervosa. And the message, "Talk to your daughter before the beauty industry does."

Another data point: actor-cum-photographer Leonard Nimoy, of Star Trek fame, has come out with a provocative photography exhibit entitled, the Full Body Project. It depicts women from the "Fat Bottom Revue," a burlesque presentation meant to promote "fat liberation." The women are indeed full-bodied, some would say obese and, therefore, repulsive. Nimoy sees the women differently.

"The cruelest part ... is that these women are being told, 'You don't look right,'" Nimoy says in a recent New York Times article.

And the beauty industry has hooked a number of these women in to buying clothing and accessories that slim, beauty aids, plastic surgery, diet pills and programs, therapy and the basic premise that you can look like a fashion model. And you should.

But there is a brave cadre that wants a different message. Perhaps it is one about a life-well-lived. If you are spending a great proportion of your waking hours obsessing about food and flab, you are taking away from quality time. At midlife, we wake up to the reality that we have fewer birthdays ahead than behind. And time becomes more precious than any diet or exercise goal achieved.

Yes, exercise and healthy dieting can prolong life. And true, it feels marvelous to take off a few pounds after indulging in a glut of holiday feasting. But if body-sculpting endeavors diminish mental and physical health, are they worth it? The Dove women in their underwear say no.

Comments

[kirkland]

I think that hair color is not necessarily a falsity. As with all things- intention is *key*. I'm an artist. Hair to me is canvas. I was streaking my hair by 24 and still enjoy adding light or color or any other fun that I'm inspired to add. Boomer women are noticeably different, seems to me ( and I'm a tad young to be considered a boomer) in that they don't want to give up *feeling Good*. This to me is terrific as it inspires healthy habits. Boomer women- if they remain balanced and it remains to be seen, yet , whether they are re-inventing how women age in a healthy way or if they are panic driven. ( I'm inclined to think that they're learning to achieve balance) I was talking with a naturopath friend of mine about aging. We both agreed that women ( more than men for various reasons) maintain a youthfullness regardless of their actual age if they are capable of maintaining their natural playfullness and vulnerability. This trait is quite noticeable in those women who still can play and are drawn to play. ( play being creative, possessing a sense of humor , emotional resiliency and joie de vivre, among other things ). I've noticed that some women start to look very grim, dour and seem brittle. This is a spiritual malaise, no doubt , but as far as aging goes? It's possible for a twenty somthing to look devitalized and old.
What matters to me is that I continue to enjoy my body ( feel good) and feel joyfull. seems to me that joy - inspired by nothing but being alive- is entirely underestimated as tonic.

[loril]

I hurdled 40 fairly recently and I would be a lying hypcrite if I pretended not to miss my 20-something self. I could get away with eating a lot more pastry, for one thing. And the shroud of invisibility that encircles women around their 40th birthday can be disconcerting. (You never realize that you will miss catcalls and obnoxious come-ons until they disappear.)

I don't watch much media anymore and I shop a lot less, although I have managed to go up only a size or two due to much healthier eating. I notice that the world of fashion and entertainment is no longer geared toward me. It IS liberating to care less, purchase less crap that does not work the miracles promised and to focus more on important things.

But I am not quite ready to give up my old ways. I color my hair unapologetically. It is my one indulgence in a world of weekly manicures, pedicures and Brazilian waxes. I don' have much money for clothes but I still like to get a new outfit now and then. I am motivated to eat well for my health mostly...but I want to maintain my weight as well, for more superficial reasons.

Maybe this is sad and shallow to some. But I think it is more complex for a lot of women than just waking up one day and deciding "I'm done". It is a process. First one thing drops away and then another.

I wouldn't go back, permanently, to ages 16, 21 or even 30 right now. There is too much good in my life as a middle aged woman and I have learned a lot since the reckless days of my youth. But I would vacation back then, gladly, for a day or two, if I could!

No to plastic surgery addiction, eating disorders and dressing like a pole dancer...But an empowered "yes" to indulging one's fun side from time to time. If that involves fashion or makeup for some, why not?

[McNugget]

Although I do agree that older women looking to fix natures natural course on their body is foolish, Nimoy celebrating obese women is just as ridiculous. Regardless of what fat people think "society" does to try to make them feel bad about themselves, staying in an appropriate B.M.I. is scientifically proven and not some unreasonable request by a culture obsessed with a unrealistic standard of weight and beauty. Obesity is unhealthy, plain and simple.

[Jordan85]

Excellent post.

I'm starting to thing that the current stridency over the "obesity crisis" is fueled, in part, by a backlash to the very backlash you write about.

Heaven forfend that a woman "let herself go" and gain weight. Or that stores offer stylish clothes to young women who don't meet the conventional standard of beauty.

While much of the concern is rooted in health, I have to think that we'd be hearing more about lifestyle changes (walking vs. driving, fresh vs. processed foods, etc.) rather than BMI.

But at 44, I still dye my hair, so I'm a bit of a hypocrite...

[Usedtobequiet]

So, something interesting happened on Halloween. I went to work with black hair just for fun; it was the spray on stuff. I am mostly gray, so it was quite drastic. One of my friends said: "I hate to say this, but you look so much younger!". And you know what? I really honestly didn't care! How liberating is that?! We are so conditioned - gray=old, but that is not my issue, is it? I looked younger to my friend because in her mind, black hair=young. To me, dyed hair looks...well, dyed, unless you have the bucks to have it done right. I'm me, I'm 48, I'm in great shape, I'm healthy, I take care of myself and I'm happy. If someone wants to dismiss me as "old" because of the way they are judging me by one look, well, so what?

[research]

Ballroom dancing was the end of the 60's chance for women to dump all the crap. Men too.

[KatWilder]

Trisha, I would like so much to believe what you write and for myself, yes, I am never going to inject, nip or tuck (that said, I do help my hair along and I exercise, have a healthy diet and slather the antioxidant creams on like crazy).

But where I live, Marin County — ground zero for the green, Prius-driving, eco-friendly, fair trade, local, sustainable, organic, touchy-feely image of Northern California — you're not going to find many converts among the affluent, entitled boomer women. Their homes are more natural than their bodies, and they have no desire to have it be different.

[blueraven]

I'm approaching midlife (39 is close but not there, no matter what some of the younger and misled members of my generation seem to think, but I digress). I had been dying my hair the last several years, at least as much to be a redhead as anything else. But as I realized 40 was closer than farther away, I thought about it. Aside from the expense, what was I doing? Hiding myself.

I have hair that goes to my waist, so the grow-out process is going to involve a couple of years of patience or a major hatchet job in the next six months, but it's been worth it so far. The compliments I've been receiving on my salt-and-pepper glory have been heartening. And my face still belies my age with only moisturizer as an assistant, so I give thanks for my good genes and set my face toward midlife with some degree of relief on that level. To heck with the worship of youth.

[KellyJadon]

Trisha,

Glad to see your post again on Huffington! Yes, I'm aging, and I agree that while it's important to be healthy, I'm not as absorbed with my body image. From about age 40 on, we can begin to visualize what's down the road. But will it be the road less traveled, or widely used?

[mommadona]

It all starts the minute you are first called "Ma'am" by the young store clerk, then it becomes insidious as you become invisible as you walk down the street, no longer gaining those "gazes" as you pass by males.

Then, if you are smart cookie, you realize all of a sudden....."I can do ANYTHING because NO ONE SEES ME!"

Uh, oh....I just gave it away, eh ladies?