- Educate partners about abuse
- Hold abusers accountable for their actions
- Emotional/verbal: namecalling, insults, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, shouting, continuously arguing, interrupting, put downs, talking down, spying, ignoring, violating privacy, excessive jealousy and possessiveness, controlling, mocking, shaming you for your sexuality / sexual activity, abusive language, grooming and gaslighting. (In many cases, the emotional violence has effect of putting you off balance as a precursor to physical or sexual violence.)
- Physical: shoving, choking, shaking, slapping, punching, hitting, biting, kicking, throwing objects, scratching, pulling hair, pushing, pulling, and grabbing.
- Financial: Using money to exert power and control.
- Sexual: Attempting, threatening, or actually using force to coerce someone into unwanted sexual activity; having sexual contact with someone who due to sleep, influence of drugs or alcohol, or duress can't consent; or abusive sexual contact.
- Stalking: Constant following, monitoring, watching, or harassing.
- Digital: Texting and using social networking to abuse.
The internet overflows with random profiles of abusive men who abuse women. This "beware of the scary man" technique offers little assistance to any abusive man who genuinely needs to recognize his behaviors, take responsibility for his actions, and be willing and able to have more healthy and fulfilling relationships. It also vastly ignores straight men who are abused by women as well as LGBTQ couples -- a community that experiences violence at equal or greater rates as heterosexual partners. This dearth neither absolves the abuser for their actions nor implies anyone should tolerate abuse. Therefore, while it should be noted some great resources like Northwestern's warning signs of an abusive person are more gender neutral, those of us who are sexual and reproductive health educators, providers, and counselors may be falling short at providing support to the diversity of individuals in abusive relationships.
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