THE BLOG

How to Deal When You're Not Invited

02/18/2015 10:14 am ET | Updated Apr 20, 2015

Being invited by your friends to different events, whether it's a birthday party, a New Year's party, or a party just for fun, is always nice. You feel like you're a part of something and that feels good. This is why not being invited somewhere can sometimes hurt.

Maybe you have an idea about why you weren't invited: there's a friend of a friend whom you don't really get along with, you don't really know that many people going, so it wouldn't make sense for you to be invited if it's a smaller get together, or it could be about awkwardness between you and an ex that the host just didn't want to deal with.

However, maybe you're confused about why you weren't invited, and can't really think of a reason. This can be even more frustrating. Whether you can kind of understand why, or whether you're completely caught off guard, here are a few steps to take to deal with the frustration of not being invited.

1. Attempt to figure out why.

It's helpful to start by thinking about why it might be that you weren't invited. As stated above, it might be something small, like the host is throwing a small, chill party with a few close friends, and while you may know one of them, it wouldn't necessarily make sense for you to be invited. You shouldn't feel discouraged by this.

It might also be that you've just gone through a breakup, and the person throwing the party was closer to your ex than you, and decided not to invite you to avoid drama. While this is somewhat understandable, it can still hurt, but at least you know that's the reason.

If no obvious reasons come to mind, you may just have to come to the realization that you were left out, for any number of reasons, all of which may be personal. This never feels good, but you can never control how other people feel.

2. Vent to your close friends, if need be.

Maybe it's getting overwhelming keeping your frustrations in, it's getting impossible to pinpoint a reason, or you just want other perspectives on the situation. For these reasons, talk to your close friends, preferably ones who know the party thrower or host. That way, they'll hopefully have some idea about why you've been left out.

Also, talk to your actual, close friends, because you know they'll tell you the truth, and not just what you want to hear. Whatever they may end up telling you, at least you've gained a new perspective, and you'll most likely feel better just talking about what's bothering you.

3. Accept it, and move on.

Once you think you've figured out the reason, or lack thereof, there's nothing to do but accept it and get over it. There's no use in dwelling over someone not liking you, or wallowing in self-pity. People are going to have their differences with you, just like you have them with other people. If we all got along, the world would be a pretty weird place.

Once you accept the fact that you weren't invited, and understand that it happens to everyone at some point and that everyone feels left out sometimes, it's easier to just move on from the situation.

4. Don't carry around resentment.

You've accepted that you weren't invited, for whatever reason, which is good. But, you don't want to then walk around resenting the party host, or even having negative feelings toward other friends of yours who attended the party despite your lack of invitation.

Not everyone is going to get along all the time, and just like someone may have a problem with you, you may have a problem with someone else as well. This is just how life is, and there's no avoiding it. So don't resent anyone; carrying around negative energy never does any good anyway.

5. Have fun anyway.

On the night of the occasion to which you weren't invited, don't stay home feeling sorry for yourself. You'll end up regretting it, feeling alone, and probably thinking about how much fun everyone else is having while you're sitting home doing nothing.

Actively make plans with someone, or a group of friends, and make an effort to have a good time. Whether it's a casual dinner followed by a movie, or going out to a bar and meeting new people, you won't regret getting out of the house and having a good time. It will also remind you of the people in your life who really matter, and who your true friends really are.

Feeling left out is never an easy thing to deal with, so if you weren't invited somewhere, follow these five steps and you're guaranteed to feel better about whatever situation is bothering you.