Una LaMarche

They're remaking Footloose. I know this is not news. But I have to keep repeating it to myself, checking the IMDb page for a release date, tattooing it on my body like Guy Pearce in Memento. Because like an amnesiac, I wake up every morning blissfully ignorant, forgetting...

Wow, guys, can you believe we made it to the season finale? Eight whole hours of laborious couch-sitting and rich bitch judging? Me neither. Why did I even start this? Oh, right, because I'm pregnant, in flats, and a Bravo ho.

So, the most exciting thing about this episode...

Sigh. I could tell from last week's promos that this episode was going to be depressing. It's even titled "Couples Therapy," and it's all about people fighting over things only tangentially related to their future offspring. Which isn't anything that hasn't happened before on this show, but gah. I want...

So, first of all, thank you to everyone who alerted me to the Pregnant in Heels sketch on SNL last weekend. Tina Fey plays a rich PR woman with a list of high-maintenance demands ("I wanna have a water birth, but instead of water, I want Diet Coke.")...

Can I just say, first of all, that this show's cold opens are funnier than The Office's? Rosie always waltzes into her own store looking totally confused, like she took a wrong turn at Big Ben or the Sydney Opera House or Platform Nine and Three Quarters or wherever the...

When you have a flamboyant gay in a supporting role on your reality show (and if you don't, you're really doing something wrong), there are a number of ways that you can maximally utilize their talents. For instance, you can:

A) Make them say sassy asides that don't relate to...

Hey, guys! Are you in the mood for a lot of yelling and dick jokes? Well, if you can't find a Jersey Shore rerun, you've come to the right place. Because this week on Pregnant in Heels, propriety begins to crack like so much Wedgwood china.

Rosie's first client is...

This week's nonsense begins with LT -- he of the missing vowels and fashion comb-over -- asking Rosie if he can leave work early to prepare for a performance with his band, the Kiki Twins. He demonstrates their act, which involves a lot of vogueing. "We're very kiki," LT proclaims....

Well, hello there.

If you clicked on this link, you must be pregnant, love really bad TV, love mocking really bad TV, or all of the above, and regardless of which category you fall into, you are my people. I realize that some of you may be former readers of...

Hey everybody, it's Oscar time! Otherwise known as the most wonderful night of the year, when even those of us who aren't foot fetishists become transfixed by something called ShoeCam, and everyone claps for a montage of dead people!

Who will be the first to face Giuliana Rancic's red...

When I was younger and more foolish, the Golden Globes seemed to me like the poor man's Emmys and the poor man's Oscars going out on a date and getting hammered. They lacked the polish and cachet of the bigger, glitzier shows, and I found it particularly gauche that actors...

I think I need a hit man. Or, not a hit man exactly, but one of those weasely guys who fix "problems," like Harvey Keitel's character in Pulp Fiction. See, I've got a cadaver in my house that needs taking care of.

It's been dead for about a month....

This recap is painful for me in a way that no recap has been before. Having already watched and live-blogged it, I know the heartbreak that's in store for me, and now I have to re-live it. It's like every time I watch Ghost, and I think, maybe...

I'm coming to you live, people, from the home of my friends Sara and Jared. I mention this not only because they've been kind enough to host me as I sit here glued to my keyboard eating too many of their Tostitos, but also because their apartment was once featured...

It's the 13th episode, y'all, and almost Halloween. And things are getting scary up in this competition.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Previously on: Mayor Bloomberg emerged from his gilded Hobbit...

Slight disclaimer: I'm really sick and am hopped up on DayQuil and basically living in an igloo made of discarded Kleenex, and my upstairs neighbors have decided to play Rock Band AGAIN, making particularly enthusiastic use of the drum foot pedal, so this recap may make even less sense than...

Well, my hysterical weeping has finally subsided and I'm ready to recap. But first, an announcement: Next week I will not be writing a recap, because I will be out of the country with no access to email, let alone iTunes. In my stead, my dear friend Owen, who also...

Previously on: The Jackie Kennedy sportswear challenge was so lame that it even incurred Tim's wrath--on a now-deleted video blog he put the smackdown on the producers like they were Taylor Momsen, yo. Gunn Gone Wild -- it's happening. Hide your kids, hide your...

Previously on: In exchange for doing a boring resort wear challenge, Tim got everyone drunk and Michael Kors gave out free sunglasses. But mimosas and swag could not prepare the designers for the wrath of the velvet bag, which divided them into teams of two and forced them...

I hear that L.A.M.B. was the place to see and be seen last night (Kanye was there, apparently), but all I could see from my seventh row seat (relax, guys -- I'm kind of a big deal) was Debbie Harry.

Wait, what am I saying? I SAW DEBBIE HARRY! IT...