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Una LaMarche
Una LaMarche is the author of the comic essay collection Unabrow: Misadventures of A Late Bloomer, as well as the young adult novels Five Summers and Like No Other. She is a former managing editor of The New York Observer and the author of its parenting humor column, "Mothers Superior." When she's not trolling the internet for celebrity blind items or discount bulk candy, Una can be found chasing her three year-old son around Brooklyn, New York.

Entries by Una LaMarche

In Defense of the Awkward Phase

(8) Comments | Posted April 13, 2015 | 4:47 PM

In 1986, when I was 6 years old, I had a unibrow.

And I'm not talking about a few stray hairs in the middle, either. I'm talking about an honest-to-God, fully grown, pre-Anthony Davis Anthony Davis-level unibrow.

Combined with the Mexican dress I selected for the occasion, my facial...

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10 Ways Your Body Becomes Your Frenemy After 30

(25) Comments | Posted April 1, 2015 | 4:40 PM

Once you have passed your peak of attractiveness and settled into a slow, steady, relaxing downhill slide, the body becomes no longer a bombshell or magician or villain, but something more along the lines of a wisecracking sidekick who mostly hangs back only to deliver a barb when you least...

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Bug Juice for the Pubescent Soul: 5 Life Lessons I Learned at Camp

(4) Comments | Posted May 14, 2013 | 8:35 AM

For two weeks every summer between the ages of ten and thirteen, I went to a Quaker sleepaway camp in the rolling hills of eastern Pennsylvania. (I always like to mention right off the bat that it was run by Quakers because it makes people who are familiar with my...

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How To Be a Perfect Parent in 5 Easy Steps... or Probably Never

(215) Comments | Posted March 16, 2013 | 11:55 AM

I don't dole out much parenting advice as a rule, largely because I have an almost 18-month-old and spend most of my days feeling like a complete and utter fraud and failure.

I know that sounds depressing, but here is the truth that will set you free: That's what parenting...

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Classic 80s Movies Hollywood Hasn't Ruined -- Yet

(44) Comments | Posted July 13, 2011 | 12:00 AM

They're remaking Footloose. I know this is not news. But I have to keep repeating it to myself, checking the IMDb page for a release date, tattooing it on my body like Guy Pearce in Memento. Because like an amnesiac, I wake up every morning blissfully ignorant, forgetting...

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Pregnant in Heels Ep. 8: Clearing the Jungle of Evil (Finale!)

(6) Comments | Posted May 25, 2011 | 4:56 PM

Wow, guys, can you believe we made it to the season finale? Eight whole hours of laborious couch-sitting and rich bitch judging? Me neither. Why did I even start this? Oh, right, because I'm pregnant, in flats, and a Bravo ho.

So, the most exciting thing about this episode...

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Pregnant in Heels Ep. 7: The Marriage Ref

(7) Comments | Posted May 18, 2011 | 5:02 PM

Sigh. I could tell from last week's promos that this episode was going to be depressing. It's even titled "Couples Therapy," and it's all about people fighting over things only tangentially related to their future offspring. Which isn't anything that hasn't happened before on this show, but gah. I want...

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Pregnant in Heels Ep. 6: Bare Neigh-ked Lady

(7) Comments | Posted May 11, 2011 | 1:04 PM

So, first of all, thank you to everyone who alerted me to the Pregnant in Heels sketch on SNL last weekend. Tina Fey plays a rich PR woman with a list of high-maintenance demands ("I wanna have a water birth, but instead of water, I want Diet Coke.")...

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Pregnant in Heels Ep. 5: Serve and Deliver

(6) Comments | Posted May 4, 2011 | 5:00 PM

Can I just say, first of all, that this show's cold opens are funnier than The Office's? Rosie always waltzes into her own store looking totally confused, like she took a wrong turn at Big Ben or the Sydney Opera House or Platform Nine and Three Quarters or wherever the...

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Pregnant in Heels Ep. 4: Bitches and Brises

(8) Comments | Posted April 27, 2011 | 3:14 PM

When you have a flamboyant gay in a supporting role on your reality show (and if you don't, you're really doing something wrong), there are a number of ways that you can maximally utilize their talents. For instance, you can:

A) Make them say sassy asides that don't relate to...

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Pregnant in Heels Ep. 3: You Don't Know (Spotted) Dick

(10) Comments | Posted April 20, 2011 | 4:14 PM

Hey, guys! Are you in the mood for a lot of yelling and dick jokes? Well, if you can't find a Jersey Shore rerun, you've come to the right place. Because this week on Pregnant in Heels, propriety begins to crack like so much Wedgwood china.

Rosie's first client is...

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Pregnant in Heels Ep. 2: Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Sex But Weren't Afraid to Ask

(2) Comments | Posted April 16, 2011 | 10:57 PM

This week's nonsense begins with LT -- he of the missing vowels and fashion comb-over -- asking Rosie if he can leave work early to prepare for a performance with his band, the Kiki Twins. He demonstrates their act, which involves a lot of vogueing. "We're very kiki," LT proclaims....

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Pregnant in Heels Ep. 1: The Couple Who Branded Their Baby

(29) Comments | Posted April 11, 2011 | 10:10 PM

Well, hello there.

If you clicked on this link, you must be pregnant, love really bad TV, love mocking really bad TV, or all of the above, and regardless of which category you fall into, you are my people. I realize that some of you may be former readers of...

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2011 Oscars Live Blog (VIDEO)

(1719) Comments | Posted February 27, 2011 | 11:57 AM

Hey everybody, it's Oscar time! Otherwise known as the most wonderful night of the year, when even those of us who aren't foot fetishists become transfixed by something called ShoeCam, and everyone claps for a montage of dead people!

Who will be the first to face Giuliana Rancic's red...

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Golden Globes 2011 Live Blog & Streaming Updates (VIDEO)

(179) Comments | Posted January 16, 2011 | 12:30 PM

When I was younger and more foolish, the Golden Globes seemed to me like the poor man's Emmys and the poor man's Oscars going out on a date and getting hammered. They lacked the polish and cachet of the bigger, glitzier shows, and I found it particularly gauche that actors...

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They Shoot Christmas Trees, Don't They?

(11) Comments | Posted January 3, 2011 | 9:22 PM

I think I need a hit man. Or, not a hit man exactly, but one of those weasely guys who fix "problems," like Harvey Keitel's character in Pulp Fiction. See, I've got a cadaver in my house that needs taking care of.

It's been dead for about a month....

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Project Runway Finale Part Two Recap

(82) Comments | Posted November 3, 2010 | 10:29 PM

This recap is painful for me in a way that no recap has been before. Having already watched and live-blogged it, I know the heartbreak that's in store for me, and now I have to re-live it. It's like every time I watch Ghost, and I think, maybe...

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Project Runway Finale Liveblog

(341) Comments | Posted October 28, 2010 | 6:38 PM

I'm coming to you live, people, from the home of my friends Sara and Jared. I mention this not only because they've been kind enough to host me as I sit here glued to my keyboard eating too many of their Tostitos, but also because their apartment was once featured...

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Project Runway Finale: Part One Recap

(83) Comments | Posted October 25, 2010 | 8:35 PM

It's the 13th episode, y'all, and almost Halloween. And things are getting scary up in this competition.



But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Previously on: Mayor Bloomberg emerged from his gilded Hobbit...

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Project Runway Episode 12 Recap: Empire State of Meh

(84) Comments | Posted October 18, 2010 | 10:42 PM

Slight disclaimer: I'm really sick and am hopped up on DayQuil and basically living in an igloo made of discarded Kleenex, and my upstairs neighbors have decided to play Rock Band AGAIN, making particularly enthusiastic use of the drum foot pedal, so this recap may make even less sense than...

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