If you know me like I imagine you one day will, you know that I'll start this letter off awkwardly.
A future husband is like some mythical creature... like the Lochness Monster or Bigfoot.
I know, I just compared you to Bigfoot -- but I swear it gets better. Keep reading.
Point being, when we were little, creatures like unicorns and elves sounded amazing and we couldn't wait to find one someday. Sadly, as we grew older, it seemed like it was less and less likely that we'd see anything of the sort. The closest that we'd get was the leprechaun on a Lucky Charms box, and don't even get me started on the disappointment Santa Claus caused. Likewise, a husband - a future soul mate - seems too fantastical nowadays to be real. We once dreamed about a prince charming, and nowadays we're accepting we might just have to crawl out of that tower and find him ourselves.
But I know you're out there. Maybe you're going through the same things I am. Are you working at some summer job you hate but secretly like? Do you feel that pit of anxious excitement about a future career? Or maybe not. Maybe you're actually a professional bullfighter/puppy rescuer and we're not doing anything similar right now - who knows.
Here are just a few things I'd like to tell you while you're somewhere out there.
Be safe while driving. I'm assuming you're jamming out to something on the radio -- whether it be country, rock, classic, or rap (please don't be screamo), don't get wrapped up in scrolling through songs. If your good buddy Jim from the office (rodeo?) texts you, let him wait until you're parked. It would be a shame if something happened to you before we could even meet. Be safe.
Collect extra T-shirts and hoodies. Just warning you ahead of time, because I'm a T-shirt bandit. Might as well be prepared.
We're getting a dog. If you're not a dog person, I'd suggest starting to become one, because dogs are life. If you already love canines, be ready to brainstorm names. Because our dog's about to be awesome.
Don't give up -- ever. These are the days where life starts to get serious and sometimes when you fall, no one is there to pick you back up. I wish I could reach a hand out, but since I can't, I want you to keep going. Never stop doing something you're passionate about.
I can make a pretty mean bowl of spaghetti. Just thought you should know.
If you're thinking about getting a tattoo... You get drunk when you're out with your buddies, and now you're romping around town with that swagger you have. Suddenly a batman tattoo stamped across your face seems like a pretty good idea, right? Please, think twice. I beg of you.
I've been hurt. I'm sorry to say, but you may be receiving me bruised and a little bent. While you were not present in my life, boys have wandered here and there. Some good, some bad. The bad ones I will gladly hand over their names so you may threaten to kick their butts.
I'm bad at taking compliments. More than likely, when you compliment me, I'll respond with a frown or a gentle punch in the arm. Please don't be discouraged, I'll get better at it, I promise. Just don't be surprised if I fall out of my chair or something.
I don't like beer. So that beer in the fridge? Don't worry about it disappearing. All yours.
I'm rooting for you. When it seems like everyone's turned their backs against you, just know somewhere I'm out there cheering you on.
I'm horrible at making decisions. Ask me where I want to go for dinner? I won't know. Ask me what movie I want to see? I can't decide. I panic. A lot.
Spend good time with your family. They're always gonna be your best friends no matter what, and I like them already.
Accept my arm wrestling challenges. I may lose every time, but never deny me the chance to try. And don't let me win. I got this.
Prepare to own every Disney movie ever made. Preferably on VCR, if possible.
No, please don't ask to see old pictures of me in braces. I know you love me now and all that jazz...but you don't wanna know.
I can't be more excited to fall in love with you.
To all the girls out there wondering if there is ever going to be someone for them -- we can't give up. It's easy to say "Forever alone" and put yourself down all the time. But if you put yourself out there and do something you're passionate about, you'll find him. If you give up now, you're letting him down. If you give up and wait in your tower, you'll never get the list he's writing you.
So right now, future husband, I guess you're a mystery like Bigfoot or those darned unicorns we just can't seem to track down.
But I know one day when we finally meet, you'll be my best friend. And I can't wait.