On Iraq, Post-Partum Depression, and Trading Sex for Intel

On this fifth day of my book tour for Fair Game; My Life as a Spy, My Betrayal by the White House and my final book tour blog for the Huffington Post, I'm finding my stride. With the outing of my covert identity by conservative columnist Robert Novak in July 2003, I went from being a very private person whose entire professional career was devoted to the idea that discretion was paramount, to a public persona in the middle of a media maelstrom literally overnight. I have to say that I am still adjusting. As I have worked through numerous interviews for newspapers, radio, and TV, I am faintly surprised that there are a few questions that for the most part, I have not been asked about the book. Therefore, I thought I would use this blog as a means to answer some of them.

1. Why did you include a chapter on your bout with postpartum depression and were you concerned that the CIA would look unkindly on the fact that you sought help for your condition?

I included the chapter on postpartum depression (PPD) frankly because my publisher, Simon & Schuster, allowed me too, even though it is a departure from the rest of the themes of my book. It is something that I feel passionately about and was actually somewhat painful to write. With the birth of my twins in 2000, I experienced serious postpartum depression and initially had absolutely no idea what was happening. I think it's fair to say that up to that point in my life, I had demonstrated a high degree of coping abilities under significant stress and had always come through just fine. Here I was, an educated, happily married woman with two beautiful, healthy babies and I was completely thrown off balance by dark feelings I had never before experienced. I sought professional help, once a friend clued me into what might be going on. As I pulled out of this truly troubling period in my life -- around the time the twins were about 8 or 9 months old -- I thought of the many women who did not have the resources I had and were struggling with their deep, debilitating depression (PPD is estimated to strike at least 15-20% of all new mothers). I became involved in organizations that sought to educate and heighten awareness on PPD. Although I would not wish PPD on my worst enemy, I am a richer and more empathetic person for having gone through it. I had no qualms about revealing that I had sought professional help for my PPD to the CIA during a subsequent medical exam required to serve overseas. I wanted to be honest about my experiences and indeed, felt wiser and more mentally healthy as a result.

2. Were you and former colleagues at the CIA for or against the war?

During the intense period of operational activity in my office that preceded the war in Iraq, I never remember anyone discussing whether they were "for" or "against" the war. It simply wasn't done and would have been highly inappropriate. We were intelligence professionals working our hardest using every tradecraft skill and intuition we collectively had to try and collect solid intelligence from the Iraqi scientists within the presumed WMD programs. At the working level, our discussions were about how to reach a target, whether to consider a "cold pitch" if circumstances permitted, seeing if we could corroborate a source's intelligence, and figuring out if we could get a particularly valuable source out of Iraq with family, if warranted. The larger issues of the increasingly strident rhetoric coming out of the administration during those frenzied months were left to whispered conversations in the hallway among friends or maybe after hours over a beer. One, there simply wasn't time for this important debate in that environment -- there seemed to be operational crises every other moment. Secondly, my colleagues and I were simply trying to do our jobs and hope that senior US policy makers would make wise choices with the intelligence we sent to them.

3. Did you ever feel real, physical danger during your CIA career? Did you have to sleep with anyone to get intelligence? (Slight deviations from the query of whether life in the CIA resembles Hollywood movies...)

For obvious security reasons, I cannot detail operations in which I was involved that may have taken a dangerous turn. But I can say that there were some heart-stopping moments that made me ask myself, "Why am I doing this?" What is important to note is that all CIA operations are a team effort; a rogue operator wouldn't get very far because it really takes many to ensure that the target is spotted, surveillance is in place, technical aspects of recording the meeting are working (if deemed necessary), and expert analysts have provided the hard and perhaps technically sophisticated questions that need to be answered. I always knew that if I was meeting a potential source in the back of a quiet bar or restaurant in a foreign city, I was not alone -- my colleagues, sometimes invisible, would do everything possible to ensure that no physical harm would come to me.

As for the question about whether I've had sex with anyone to get intel (which, by the way, has been asked of me by a US diplomat and a major movie star), the answer is: there were many aspects of my job which were James Bond-like, but that, emphatically, was not one of them.

Thank you for allowing me to blog on HuffPost. I have been so grateful for your support and kind comments. I hope you enjoy reading Fair Game, because it's been a long, strange journey to get here. Cheers.

Comments

[TeddySanFran]

Thanks for these updates, Ms Plame. It sounds like your book tour is going well, and that you're adjusting to life on the road and the crazy interviews. You did really well on Chris Matthews' Hardball show, keeping him on topic. Larry King, on the other hand, was quite an embarassment, not knowing much about the topic at all. Did you notice that CNN showed the clip of Scooter Libby's lawyer Ted Wells saying "He's innocent of all charges" as they went to break on during your interview? Talk about the media continuing to not get the story right!

Thanks again for your service to our country. I hope you'll continue blogging at HuffPost, as these have become my primary reason for reading HuffPost lately! Please come by and see us at FireDogLake again sometime too.

[ReasonIsMyReligion]

Thanks again.

Come back soon.

[rras]

I thank you also, I knew a young boy that went gung hole and during his Marine days and he went the full route from embassy duty and even as an undercover student. His end came in Turkey while he was taking names of drug dealers. He spent a long time in a wheel chair and today, other then his brother I'm the only one that knows how our small mid western city has a real hero that no one will ever know about.

[Balzac]

Dear Valerie, thanks for your service to this country and your candor about the traitors in the Bush Administration who are deliberately undermining our national security.

[Tinksrival]

Hey V!

Thanks for blogging! You ROCK!~

[Vajara]

Way to go Mrs. Wilson. You have had to endure more abuse than most of us will ever experience in a life time. You and your husband are our real heroes in American and I hope that everything goes your way from here on out. Thank you for contributing to our freedom as it requires great responsibility that our Administration, Congress, Courts and news media, with the exception of Huffington Post, don't have a clue. You are fantastic and I can't wait to read your book.

[Lilrod]

Thank you. Looking forward to reading your book. Good luck always.

[kellygrrrl]

Thanks so much for sharing so much with us.
It's been great to read your posts.
Good luck to you and your family.

[Pol123]

Thanks for sharing your chapter on postpartum depression and bringing the issue to light. I think many women never fully realize the impact of PPD.

[NHBlueman]

I've always wondered how it is that it's illegal for someone in the White House to reveal the identity of a covert operative, but it's OK for Robert Novak to write about and his publisher to publish.

That seems to defy logic. Both should be serious offenses requiring lengthy prison sentences.

What am I missing here?

[pigsatthetrough]

The utter nonsense of outing a covert operative, during (supposedly) a time of war, and not facing charges of treason, is unbelievable. The combined disservice to both you and your husband, is something which should not be swept under the rug. Perhaps with a complete regime change, if possible, in the US this matter will eventually reach a proper conclusion. You appear to have handled both your personal and professional life and their hardships well, and I am sure many wish you success in your future.

[philinburb]

I appreciate your posting. Thank you and Joe for your service to our country and for speaking out. There is a sizable movement in this country for impeachment for these two clowns, but it doesn't look like it's going to happen thanks to the spineless democrats in congress (especially "off the table" Pelosi). Please keep doing what you're doing.

[MA]

Ms Plame, I've really enjoyed The thoughts and observations you've shared with us.
I hope Adrianna offers you an open invitation to share future comments and insights about the further actions of this deranged administration.

[LeftRight]

People have actually asked if you had to have sex for your job???? What a waste of time to have to answer that...

[ipitombi]

Good work, Ms. Wilson. You are a true champion, and a real American hero. Best wishes to you and your family.

[cheerleaderBush]

Unfortunately on this blog you're essentially preaching to the choir - while the lock-step Bush apologists and Fox "news" watchers will remain delusional, and they'll never wake up to the profound damage inflicted by the Bush administration.

I hope your book sales exceed the millions you should have been awarded in a civil suit against cheney, rove, bush and the rest of those corrupt and incompetent neanderthals.