Godless? Come Out and Mess with a Stereotype or Two

My brother, David, is gay. You can't tell by how he walks or talks or dresses. You wouldn't know who he loves and why unless you know him. The only clue, maybe, is that he happens to be nicer than the rest of my mother's offspring, including me. Several years ago, I said to David: All you have to do to mess with people's stereotypes is be out and be yourself. Whatever the ugly expectation might be: self absorbed, hedonistic, promiscuous, debauched, unable to relate to kids, whatever. . . David isn't it.

One time my mother was driving my tween-age nephews and their friends home from the Christian school they attended. Like boys often do, they were sneering about fags as a way to deal with their own budding sexuality. After dropping the other kids off, my mom said to my nephews, "You do know your Uncle David is gay, don't you?"
"Yeah."
"But you were just saying you'd never hug a gay or take a gift from them or . . ."
"We didn't mean, David! He's our uncle!"

The boys are older now, and grade-school prejudices haven't survived their repeated contacts with Uncle David.

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I'm godless. You can't tell by looking at me. And yet, like David, I belong to one of the most despised and least electable minorities in America. Yes, disbelief is arguably volitional -- arguably -- in contrast to sexual orientation which is not. But consider the following:

From a telephone sampling of more than 2,000 households, university researchers found that Americans rate atheists below Muslims, recent immigrants, gays and lesbians and other minority groups in "sharing their vision of American society." Atheists are also the minority group most Americans are least willing to allow their children to marry . . . today's atheists play the role that Catholics, Jews and communists have played in the past -- they offer a symbolic moral boundary to membership in American society.

An Oklahoma court had to sift through jurors to find some who thought they might be able to trust the word of an atheist against a Christian. This is despite the fact that belief is the norm among American criminals but not among scientists who rise to the tops of their fields. Hemant Mehta, on his blog, Friendly Atheist, offers this tongue-in-cheek list: atheists are evil, angry, militant, baby-eating, unfunny, insensitive, immoral. Note: To go with angry and militant, they're also young and male.

Do you think of yourself as an atheist? Agnostic? Freethinker? Humanist? Spiritual Nontheist? Take a look at the links. If you don't fit the stereotypes, you're in luck. Probably all you have to do to start messing with people's categories is:

1. Find a kind, matter-of-fact way to let people know you lack a god concept.
2. Be yourself.

If you do fit the stereotypes, please -- get some help. And try to take a little break from kicking puppies between now and that first therapy appointment.

Seriously, a key quality of stereotypes is that the more dramatically wrong they are, the easier it is to violate them. When a panhandler says, "Thank you." I make a point to say, "You're welcome. Since I don't believe in gods I think it's important for us to take care of each other." For most of the self-avowed atheists I know, all they need to do is put on a "Friendly Atheist" hat when they take their grandkids out for ice cream.

Comments

[ArthurTwoShedsJackson]

The more christians I meet, the more glad I am not one.

[Zanti]

Wow--I feel exactly the same way about message board atheists. Small world, huh?

[JohnFromCensornati]

When you're not on the HP taunting atheists, what do you do? Any hobbies? Interests?

[JeanMerilynSimmons]

You mention how Christians don't like their children dating atheists (well, why would they?)--well, I'm sure many Demoncrats wouldn't like their offspring marrying Republicans (and God forbid if they're pro-life conservatives!)

[Zanti]

What? Bigotry on the left? Impossible!!!

It's all those OTHER folks that are bigoted! (Smile face)

As a wise man put it, "And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?"

[sue zf]

Love the post, Valerie--I will add you to my list of favorites! Just recently being honest with myself and my beliefs, I am hungry to find other like-minded people. And, I have to admit when I recently bought a 'freethinking' book at Barnes and Noble I felt the urge to be very discreet about it! I have had very rational, moderate people jump all over my lack of belief and question how on earth I could be raising moral children! For the record my husband are raising incredible kids that are conscientious, considerate, sensitive and kind. At what point did religion become a requirement for living life in the right way?!!!

[dctackett]

This is why religion is so pervasive.­.. and this is modern times, imagine 500 years ago, when the vast majority of people had NO education at all and were far more ignorant of reality...

We've come a long way, let's keep moving forward.

I find the best come back people bringing up morality, is to question their reasoning.­.. when you follow it back you both find that their idea doesn't have a firm grounding in reality.

[CitizenFarmer]

Bill Maher should take your lead. However, he won't because there is too much money for him in the way he currently treats people who are religious.

[dctackett]

there are people of all kinds, that is what makes life great... there is a place for Bill Maher and those like him, just as there is a place for those like Valerie Tarico.

[llisa]

I led a (non-religious) youth group for about 19 years. We took the kids to help out at nursing homes, humane shelters, picking up litter, etc. One day my assistant leader, of 7 years asked me something about religion and I told her I didn't go to church. She invited me to hers. I thanked her, but said I was not religious.

Suddenly, you would have thought I was satan himself. If I didn't believe in god, I was a bad person and a bad influence on her children; evidence to the contrary notwithstanding.

After that, she brought it up every time we were together and would shake her head and tsk tsk and say, "I pray for you." I gave up the youth club the following year for health reasons (just couldn't keep up with energetic kids anymore). By that time it was a relief not to have to be around her anymore.

This is exactly why I do not go around advertising my un-religious convictions. I live in a community where the majority of citizens are Nazarene and Catholic. To be "out" without endangering my husband's business, we would have to move to a more open-minded area of the country. With our jobs, and our family all near here, we are just not prepared to do that.

So, I am certainly happy to see articles like yours, and visit websites where I can chat with like-minded people.

[dctackett]

too bad you didn't confront her... that's what people like that need, otherwise she sees herself in the power position..­. the position of righteousness.

[ldavis24]

my favorite t-shirt of all time.
"I believe in God. I just call it nature"
Frank Lloyd Wright.
Got it a few years ago and wore it to dinner at my grandmother's (very devout Catholic who "prays" for me all the time) and she had a fit.... It was fun.

[llisa]

love it.

[LeftRight]

As a Freethinking Agnostic (can't QUITE shake those last vestiges..­...) I find it interesting that my wife's family, born-again's all, were willing to accept me without question. And while ALL of them would love to convert me, not a ONE of them is willing to do so in a way that I would perceive as harmful to myself!

I have a most unusual set of in-laws, to be sure.

[dctackett]

come on... don't be afraid... if you do not have a belief in a god or gods, then you are an atheist.

If agnostic basically means that you are not sure, that still means that don't have a god belief.

Agnostic just means I'm not confident in what I believe... you either see the sky as blue or you don't...

[LeftRight]

Wrong. I know that there's something out there, I've felt it, but I have no idea what it is, and I don't subscribe to any theisms about it. Thus the reason that I am an agnostic.

[melmoid]

Many years ago I had myself excommunicated from Mormonism. Later I made the mistake of becoming a Catholic and had to send my baptismal certificate back. I have severe panic attacks if I get within 50 feet of a church. It is called theophobia. Being 67 I have finally accepted my atheism. I have concluded that religion is killing us--not the notion of Christ necessarily--but the notion of the Old Testament God and the outmoded religious institutions that go with it. You are right--an avowed atheist could not get elected dog catcher in this country.

[JohnFromCensornati]

"I have severe panic attacks if I get within 50 feet of a church."

This must be very difficult for you since it would be difficult to throw a molotov cocktail in this country w/o hitting a church. I'm sorry for you. The silver lining is that you won't feel compelled to go to church. I'm glad to hear you have accepted your unbelief. Refreshing to join a congregation that has no rules, isn't it?

[melmoid]

It is difficult since I had some friends in the church I attended. But what is worse is going down the street and being exposed to all the readerboards posted in front of some churches. Some of the messages are really offensive. I try not to read them but I am not successful. There are churches on just about every corner in my town. I also found that psychologists have almost no experience in dealing with theophobia.

[OtayPanky]

Like Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Muslims, Hindus, Wiccans, and ice cream, atheists come in all sorts of flavors and textures. There are the softies (like you) and the hardies (like Christopher Hitchens and Sam Harris).

Basically, it's the job of each and every one of us to more or less tune out the endless chattering of everyone else, and do our own digging around inside for what fits, and what doesn't. And that's pretty much all she (or he) wrote.

Fritz Perls had a good line on this. He wrote, “I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped.”

[Xairete]

What a wonderfully cheerful and clear description of how gays and atheists are viewed as untrustworthy! Lacking the god concept since birth, I've been "out" for more than 50 years. Interesting that my comfort in myself makes so many uncomfortable.

[PlaceboStudman]

Another gay atheist here (the third one so far, and more coming out later? LOL)

I have so much to say, but don't know where to start, so I'll just say this. Believer, non-believer, gay, straight, whatever category you put yourself in, or may be forced into by society, the one category we all belong to is The Human Race, and while we are not all treated as equals, we all do have the right and responsibility to remind others to treat us as equally as possible, despite their prejudices, or even our own.

We must come together and realize that, above all, we are all Humans, and the rest is just accessories

[DiogenesOfAlaska]

Well, sure enough Michael Angelo didn't lack a God concept when he painted 'The creation of Adam' in the Sistine Chapel.

Some people have argued that this God concept was not exactly the same as the one that had been underlying the prohibition of images.

Does that mean that there is an evolution of God concepts? To ask this question is probably blasphemy. At the same time, it is impossible to live in this world without asking this question.

Too bad, isn't it?

[llisa]

Well, yes. god has certainly evolved over the years, according to the needs and wants of the people worshiping.

[LeftRight]

Robert Heinlein made a good point that man seldom (if ever....) creates a God who is morally superior to himself!

[JohnFromCensornati]

I'm a gay atheist. I have a volunteer job that I work on Sunday mornings when others are in church. I like to wear my "Atheists are good for nothing" T-shirt when I'm there.

[Ajita]

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/India/Bloggers-can-be-nailed-for-views/articleshow/4178823.cms

[Ajita]

Hi Valerie,
You may have noticed that I comment on your articles from time to time- Im subscribed to your posts. I wanted to bring up something that's taking place in India right now. Bloggers are being targeted by the religious groups connected to the government. Especially the right-wing Hindu fundamentalist groups. This is very scary because in essence they're claiming that anything that hurts the sentiments of a religious group can be grounds for arrest and prosecution. This is a strategy to crush any form of dissent aimed at the religious community. The only way forward for those of us who blog about science and religion, is to garner support in the international non-religious community and to pressure the Indian government into protecting its democratic rights.
Thanks, Ajita