Step V of My Spiritual Journey: In Which I Ask People To Share

Why does spirituality make people, specifically, young people, uncomfortable? Wait, let me qualify that: "young people", meaning 20-somethings. Young people, as in children, are more than happy to talk about God, or their religion, or their pet hamster, for that matter. And I think 30-somethings are all about spirituality, and yoga retreats, and cleanses, and Buddhism or Kabbalah or whatever the hip new religion of choice is. But 20-somethings, they don't really want to talk about it.

I first started noticing this when I would tell people that I write a spirituality column and feel obligated to crack a joke right afterwards. I felt like I had to clarify that I wasn't any sort of religious nut. I also started noticing when that would be the end of the conversation. My friends didn't want to talk about their God, or a god, or whether or not they had a soul.

I decided to put my theory (half-baked as it was) to the test at my New Year's party on Monday night. In asking people to sign the guestbook, I asked them to be a little creative and jot down their thoughts on spirituality, in any way, shape, or form. And let me tell you, people do not want to write about spirituality. I had thought that the party libations would have loosened their tongues (and therein their pens), but boy, was I wrong!

I had one post, which as funny as it was, was a rumination on New Year's from the point of view of my dog. An excerpt: "Who should I get to pull on my toy? I always win that game! I have teeth and they have drunken sweaty fingers." Funny and remarkably apt, but not remotely spiritual. Someone else felt the need to tell me that my "dog likes to fart." Thank you! I hadn't noticed.

The next entry inexplicably instructs me to "most def put some cheese on dose [sic] crackers cuz [sic] dey [sic] lack attention."

I can thank one friend for posing the question: "Is Feng-Shui spiritual?" And another friend, who asks if "[believing] in God...is enough spirituality for [his] message?"

But that was hardly enough material to work from.

Some were spiritually funny: "If God doesn't exist, then who's birthday did we celebrate last week?!?!?" But coming from someone who I know was raised a staunch Catholic, a little opaque.

The most useful and perhaps indicative quote comes from someone whose name I cannot read and who's handwriting I do not recognize: "God is like white cake with white icing. Utterly delicious and sinfully homogenous."

And maybe that's it. In a generation made up of people desperate to feel original, religion feels a little too white bread. But how is that possible when there are literally hundreds of options to choose from? What is spirituality if not an utterly individual choice? Perhaps it's the idea of belonging to something that thousands, if not millions, of people already belong to. I think there is a resistance to being pigeonholed, and perhaps the confusion comes when what you believe doesn't match up exactly with a pre-described option. I mean, I even had to take a quiz to figure out which religion I should belong to.

And I get it, people just don't want to pick a religion. But for a generation made up of transparencies (Facebook, Myspace, Blogs), why won't anyone even talk about their inner self? A quick scan of my friends' Facebook pages confirm this. Most opted not to answer the "Religion" section on their profiles, and those that did either wrote something safe, but utterly un-enlightening ("To each his own."), or made some attempt at comedy ("Morgan Freeman"). Since when did politics become hip, and spirituality taboo?

And I don't have the answer, but I plan on working my way through it. And for those of you who may think that this is yet another procrastination in the steps of My Spiritual Journey, it's not. This is me thinking about spirituality, and where it fits (or doesn't fit) in my world and the world around me. And I think it's okay to not have all the answers, or even an answer, because really, isn't spirituality itself a question of what is out there? Or in there? Or just there, in general?

Since I couldn't get drunk people to wax spiritually in my guestbook, maybe I can use the anonymity of the internet to my advantage. So here is my final question: If there are any 20-somethings out there who read this blog, what are your thoughts on spirituality? And if you have any other answers or thoughts as to when spirituality became un-cool, or even if you disagree, let me know!

And for my readers of all other ages - maybe you can help enlighten me and my generation, because clearly, we need all the answers we can get.

Comments

[timbiakabatuka]

Great post. Your journey gets more and more interesting every week - I look forward to learning about your latest spiritual travels next week.

[denaliwillie]

Hello, Thank you for your article, great stuff. Living outside the border of Denali National Park in the Interior of Alaska we are fortunate to live in a land of wilderness and balance. What i have come to realize over the years is that those who live close to the land have the opportunity to connect and experience an elightenment which is in all of us. It is critical to find that balance if living off the land as your survival depends on it.
As i certainly realize that this type of life is the exception and not the rule the question becomes, So What? Simply this, we must find the common connections we all share to take the next step to a balanced world. We are challenged now with this process but with daunting challenges comes the greatest hope and potential. The human spirit is resilient and able to overcome the worst of times if we allow it to do so. It all starts with each of us, seeing the wisdom and the joy of a balanced world. Now that we are experiencing a New World Language our thoughts can be sent to literally billions of people. How grand is this... On January 21st i will be taking a solo journey into the backcountry of Denali National Park for 70 days, i invite you to follow along, http://wildernessofdenali100.blogspot.com Peace to all.

[wildflowermaven]

In my twenties I was quite religious, didn't start questioning things until my 30's, and now am on my way to a more authentic spiritual life, one not based on words spoken in a church or told to me as a child--although they have a significant influence. I think many people in their twenties are inbetween, the church they grew up with doesn't seem right, and they don't realize they need to find what is right for them.
Another factor, at least for many Christian churches, is that most activities in the group are centered around families w kids. I think many people who go wo church for a period come back once they have kids, and find a welcoming home waiting for them.

[wedgie]

Spirituality is a personal discovery. Religion is a social/political construct.

There is nothing inherent in the nature of religion to prevent it from being used to cause destruction or accrue power. Therefore, given the nature of men/women, it gets used to that end.

Spirituality can not do damage.

Spirituality is what we employ to repair the damage done by religion.

**

[emilyknight]

Verena, the years 23-27 were angst filled for me. I was struggling with issues of identity: who am I now that I've finished college and gotten a job (which I took for the money, not because it was related to my degree), and acquired financial obligations. I had reached the end of the life script that my parents helped me to write, i.e.,"You're going to college." Yikes, college is over, now what?! My self-absorption left no room for God, especially not the one from my childhood, the one who was wrathful, rigid, scary and uncannily like my parents.
It was only after several years of good therapy that I began to feel a desire to go to church. I was an ad agency account exec, vegan, 6 mile/day runner, with friends & an occasional lover, yet there was an aching emptiness inside, as in "Isn't there supposed to be more to life than this?" That ache brought me back to church and ultimately back to God. emily

[TheWordman]

you should try zen

[arcangelica]

spirituality is maturity. and here is what maturity is:'
1. the ability to defer gratification
2. the willingness to take responsibility for yourself
3. the ability to learn from experience.

sometimes "being spiritual" is about being kind to the guy across the counter at 7-11 - or the valet - or the waiter.
braying on a mountain top of begging on the streets of dharmsala on a retreat does not make a (wo)man spiritual. believe me....

[wedgie]

Spirituality is what you use to heal all the damage religion has done to you.

**

[ABailey]

I'm 18, so not quite a twenty-something and possibly still a child, but I'll offer my thoughts...
I think that spirituality is simply the process for finding meaning in life. Believing that we are here to take up space for a few trips around the sun just isn't very exciting.
For some this process results in believing that they are right, everyone else is wrong, and everyone else deserves to be told that they are wrong.
For some this process results in doing anything that gives them a since of happiness and fulfillment.
For some this process results in believing that after their few trips around the sun, they will continue to exist someplace else or as something else.
For some this process results in them helping others to enjoy and find fulfillment in their own few solar revolutions.
For some this process results in them trying to build a legacy that will allow them live on through the memory others have of them.
For some people this process results in them combing these and other things.

[acty]

OK Verena .....your getting there! When i first read this I wasn't sure....and then i had to remind myself that perhaps I was being a bit judgmental. Which is not spiritual at all! Human , but not in line with the way I like to live my life. I believe that you are well on your way because you are thinking about it and thats more than most people do in a lifetime. Good luck with your journey I will be waiting eagerly for your posts!

[besomeoneyoulove]

"I think there is a resistance to being pigeonholed, and perhaps the confusion comes when what you believe doesn't match up exactly with a pre-described option."

That is SO true. My mother always picks on me, saying I practice "salad bar religion", meaning I am aware of all the prescribed behaviors and beliefs but I pick and choose the ones I want to actually believe in and practice. I always conceded that she was right with a sense of shame, after all, isn't it a little self-absorbed to assume you know better than everyone else or those who originated the religion? But now, I realize, in some way or another, almost everyone practices "salad bar religion" (Isn't there a movie about a man who attempted to follow every prescribed practice in the Bible and it was just not humanly possible?).

Religions, especially the more established ones, can sometimes seem like a veritable instruction manual and for 20-somethings who are all about establishing and understanding their own unique identity, another list of things to do is just not appealing. It's also frustrating because so many religious practices have actually been tacked on over time by random sources and were not followed by the original practitioners. For me, I need to practice "salad bar religion" because it allows me to enjoy a "delicious" and fruitful relationship with a higher power without feeling too much like I've sold my soul to some huge cult.

People have said that religious people (and I know we are not talking about spirituality here, not necessarily religiousness) tend to come off as naive, as if they have never questioned any of their beliefs and are just jumping on the bandwagon. I think that's exactly what 20-somethings are afraid of. But I think when you actually sit down and examine the different components of a religion for yourself and see which elements fall in the line of your beliefs, then you are really interacting with it, and you're not really naive at all.

Anyways, sorry for the essay, great post this week!

[bethinCary]

I hate to say it--but I think enlightenment/spirituality does have to do with maturity level. That includes the hindsight of having gone through tough or trying times. I disagree with 30-somethings being more spritual. I think it's just too busy of a time in ones' life-with most raising small kids to having to worry about stresses of familial life-that going to church...is nothing more than going throught the motions as opposed to truly experiencing spirituality. Life is simply too "noisy"at these times-to quiet the mind or have the time to truly focus on philosphical questions. These are the "easy=button" yrs especially-20s and 30s:It's only getting past these stresses of growing up/family that a person has the insight to realize life is not meant to be just "easy".

[cktirumalai]

I too have not been 20 in five decades. I am not being entirely facetious when I say that Dog is God spelled backwards. That has given me a lot to think about, uncynically, including what Dostoevski might have called underground thoughts. At a less cryptic level, someone wrote in a newspaper today that in his experience people who love dogs generally love people. Before the Beatles sang "All you need is love," "God is Love" was a hallowed concept.
And if, as some say, God never was or has died, are all things permitted? The serious Victorians did not believe that one followed from the other, for one of them said, "There is no God but we must be good." For this individual understanding and grasping what is good did not seem difficult, though living by it was.

[stellanoir]

Verena,

I'm getting an enormous vicarious kick out of your journey.

I responded to either your first or second entry trying to convince you that you already are quite spiritual, or you wouldn't even bother to ask these sorts of questions. Many of the traits you cited in that post were indicative of just how feisty and spirited you are. Someone doesn't have to be monastic and bland to be spiritual, quite to the contrary.

Without going into great extraneous detail, suffice it to say that aside from a rebellious year when I was around 19 or so, when I was briefly pretending to be an existentialist, styling in black silk vintage dresses and shit kicker boots, I've always been a spiritual seeker.

Now I am a spiritual counselor and work with droves of high school and college kids. The vast majority of them are really open to non dogmatic spiritual guidance and information.

Perhaps the phenomenon you're perceiving amongst your peer group has to do with the fact that in our culture (paraphrasing) "mechanistic reductionism often masquerades as maturity" http://www.cosmosandpsyche.com/ and they are striving to demonstrate their maturity.

I much prefer an orientation of playfulness.

Perhaps these links will helpful.

Spirituality is this simple,

http://www.global-mindshift.org/memes/wombat.swf

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5mp_MfJouM

And as uplifting as this image,

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/12/071220195632.htm

And as unifying as this message.

http://www.sedonadigitalarts.com/html/video_previews.html

Here is a site that provides one of the ways I stay inspired and hopeful despite the bleak appearance the state of aspects of the world. Though I probably only resonate with about 20% of the plethora of messages that are posted there some are really out there, I do find them entertaining.

http://snoedel.punt.nl/

Hope you find this hopeful.

[olamuz]

I'm not a 20 something but a 70 something. I think it takes years to understand who and what we are spiritually - so maybe, growing up in a society that places so much emphasis on competition and materialism, it seems pretty weird to think in spiritual terms. Like, "who cares?" or "so?" or "awesome!" - the "thoughts" I can imagine coming from some 20 somethings I know.

Here's what I believe. We are made in the image of God (see the bible) and that means the spiritual image of God because God is a spirit. If we are diligent we can remove the obstacles from our minds and let the spiritual luminescence of that image shine through us. When we successfully do that we feel bathed in continual joy, no matter what happens to us.

That can't be all bad - but it means giving up a lot of stuff that we are convinced we need and want. That's a huge conflict, especially when we haven't the vaguest idea what spirituality is. Once you taste it, you know there is nothing else worth the trip.