Why Women Gladly Date Ugly Men (And Probably Even Prefer Them)

It's a pretty well known fact that most women - attractive women - will happily date ugly men. We see it on TV -- in shows like King of Queens, though I would probably argue that Kevin James is kind of a stud, and really, that's exactly the point I plan on making-- and we see it in our friends.

There are plenty of studies on this strangely anti-Darwinian phenomenon - studies which I think don't answer the question as well as I, with my oh-so-steadfast opinions, can, do, and will.

So let's talk about this. Let's talk about what exactly is wrong with these conventionally attractive men, and let's talk about what is right about these, well, conventionally un-attractive men.

Anecdotal evidence aside, I know for a fact that I don't find "hot" men attractive.* Let me clarify - I find them pleasing to the eye, and every so often quite tempting, but I don't find myself actually attracted to them. And here I have to admit that I am undoubtedly judging their books by their covers, but I have yet to find the exception to the rule.

To explain: These high-school hotties are used to having the sort of unadulterated, fawning adoration that the symmetrically blessed always get in high-school, but the problem is that it doesn't do them any good. In fact, it's fair to say that it categorically does them harm.

They're trained from a young age to be (often) unjustifiably self-assured, to eschew personality and affability for cocksure confidence, and to generally treat people like the feudal system is alive and kickin'.

Am I making a sweeping generalization? No doubt. Can the same argument be used against women? Sometimes. But I find that women are much more inclined to date with their emotions - to pick a man that is funny, comforting, kind, and generous - and they'll often pick one or all of those traits over his looks.

I also have a little (and relatively untested) theory. I believe that women tend to come into themselves -- appearance-wise -- much later in school than men. And because of this I think women tend to retain some memory of what it means to be liked (or disliked) for who one is, not how one looks.

The bottom line: Ask any woman who she'd rather have as her boyfriend -- the lovably awkward Albert Brennaman (aka Kevin James -- told you he was the crux of the arugment) from Hitch, or Hugh Grant's wholly irredeemable Daniel Cleaver from Bridget Jones' Diary?

So -- let's start here. Which one would you pick? Did I just set womankind back a generation? Or do you wholly agree? Please share. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

[Disclaimer: This post should in no way indicate that my boyfriend is ugly and/or unattractive. In fact, I find him rather dashing.]

Comments

[lmmb]

I adore ugly men and always have - even in high school, when you were supposed to clamor after the square-jawed athlete-types. Brilliance has always been the intoxicant for me - and let's face it: brilliant minds are rarely matched with classic facial symmetry.

[Susan60]

I dated a man who was not really attractive to anyone but me. He was funny, smart, and he adored me and thought I was the most beautiful woman he had ever met. Total turn on. Plus he was pretty good in the sack. I remember we were out once and a man was giving me the eye. We were with some friends, and one of those friends was an attractive male. And the man came over and asked me, "Which one of those guys are you with?" I pointed to my boyfriend. He said, "Really?" He didn't get it. But I did. Attractiion is much more than physical appearance for a woman. It's an emotional gut connection. I have never been attracted to vacuous pretty boys. Oh, I like to look at them. Eye-candy. But the worth of a man is much more than his physical appearance.

[frankifrost]

Miss Von Pfetten IS EXACTLY DESCRIBING
MOST WOMEN,
ESPECIALLY THOSE
THAT ARE CONSIDERED "better-th­an-average looking."
SHE HAS VERY ACCURATELY DEPICTED
THE NONSENSE AND CONCEIT
THAT
MEN HAVE HAD TO PUT UP WITH FOR DECADES;
COUPLED WITH THE FACT THAT MEN HAVE TO
ULITIMATELY PAY AND PAY AND PAY....
YOU GALS CAN DENY IT ALL YOU WANT:
WHAT IS, IS!!!!!!

[CulureFX]

I fully agree... Every man I have every dated had an "awkward" appeal. Maybe because they cherished me more, were more smart, and relied on their personality rather than looks. I must say I definitely came into my looks around 18, so all of high school was just spent getting to know myself...