Another Reason Why I'm Glad I'm Not Silda Spitzer
Word has it that Silda Spitzer is lying low with their three daughters in their 5th Avenue apartment in Manhattan; like maybe on the closet floor with scissors in her hand and Eliot's suits and ties cut into ribbons beside her. (By the way, why is the cutting of clothing so primitively satisfying to wronged women?) With the cutting done and only the final public revenge of tossing the worsted bits out the window to go, Silda must now decide whether she can put aside her own private agony and do what her mate's compulsion makes him unable to do himself: protect their children's right to love and trust their father. Just as her wifely instincts scream at her to murder him slowly and painfully, her motherly instincts whisper to her to save her children's father.
If there weren't three teenaged daughters in Silda's bed with her, or worse, isolating themselves in their own rooms, revenge could be so sweet. Wouldn't Oprah's ladies provide just the right blend of camaraderie and outrage when she shared that The Enforcer not only required prostitutes to get off, but also Viagra and some pump device that he ordered on late-night television? She could move her new young lover, with a full head of hair and a package that can be seen even through Levi's, into their former marital bed and start wearing her hair loose and curly and a satisfied smile on her flushed face. Naturally, she would immediately lose fifteen pounds just like Reese Witherspoon did after she dumped Ryan Philippe--maybe she'd even cut bangs.
But she is the mother of his children and with that comes the superhuman challenge of overcoming her own pain and humiliation to help them heal. This is the crucible that separates the girls from the women. First, it would be an invaluable gift if she could show her girls by example that this is not a fatal blow. We all know that our kids listen to very little of what we say but watch everything we do, and the Spitzer girls need to see that when a family member does something reprehensible they are not automatically kicked to the curb. Nor is retaliation always the best response when a loved one disappoints. Without that reassurance, how much safety and security can they expect as they try out their own judgment and make decisions as young adults? More to the point, how can they ever expect to have a lasting relationship of their own in a world populated only with imperfect people?
Second, Silda has to model self-respect. As deep as the desire to hide may be, New York's former First Lady and her daughters deserve and need to reclaim their own lives, and it's up to Mom to demonstrate that it can be done with dignity. It's nearly impossible for teenagers to understand that everything that happens is not personal, nor done to them or because of them, but their father's mistakes are not their own. Children with a mother who demonstrates that their father's failures are not hers or theirs stand a chance of not taking on his guilt. Loving someone who has cooties doesn't make them a carrier or infected, too. This is an amazing lesson to share with kids, and to remind oneself: a woman's light comes from within. It's neither reflected nor shadowed by the person standing next to her.
The third thing a compassionate mother has to consider is that for most girls, their first love affair is with their father. It's Daddy who cherishes them and values them and provides a safe place to try out their charms. They study how Daddy and Mommy interact and reasonably assume their own mother is the type of woman a great guy like Daddy finds lovable. What could be more undermining then than discovering their dad really yearns for girls who are more like them in age and interests than like Mom? Who knows, they may even resent their mother for failing to be young, hip and wanton enough to keep ol' Dad's attentions home where they belong. Heaven help them when the unthinkable eventually happens and they, too, no longer qualify for "American Idol."
Dina McGreevey, the former wife of the "gay American" former Governor of New Jersey has insinuated herself into this politico/domestic drama by drawing parallels between her family's implosion, and perhaps Mr. Spitzer should emulate Mr. McGreevey into an addiction program in Arizona. But one hopes the similarities stop there, and the Spitzer daughters are spared the prolonged and tawdry annihilation of their family while their parents devote themselves to being right at all costs.
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This really needs to stop - it's time to think about other things. Her husband was targeted because the Bush administration and other powerful Republicans were worried that he was getting too much power. He was the only person who would have actually done something to make the crooks who are destroying our financial industries and economy realize they can't get away with it anymore.
You don't know Spitzer or his wife, you don't know anything about their marriage, you don't know why she was so upset at the press conference, it could have also been because her husband's career and life was destroyed and not just because he cheated on her, and you need to STOP ANALYZING people you don't know and trying to understand what they do things or what motivates people. I know lots of women watch talk shows and the people there think you can "diagnose" people and explain their behavior but life just isn't that simple.
Please leave Silda alone and let her grieve in peace.
Great post, Vicki! You have made some very thought-provoking statements. The one about their daughters is spot on. Mrs. Spitzer has carried herself with dignity and restraint; she is the kind of mother that any daughter would be proud to have.
My first instinct would be to castrate that bastard but that would only give short term gratification. Mrs. Spitzer has shown that she cares more for her family than for instant gratification. I have to applaud her for putting her childrens' feelings ahead of her own.
But I do hope that in the privacy of her own home, that she has cut up a few of his favorite ties! Strictly as a stress reliever. Better the ties than his genitals, I think.....
So what you're saying is that men who simply act like normal, healthy men and decide it's better to pay for sex instead of having an affair with a woman who will become emotionally attached to them deserve to be mutilated because they can't repress their natural instincts?
Maybe this is why so many women are miserable - the talk shows we watch give us unrealistic expectations.
Do you realize that the government also spied on MLK because they wanted incriminating information on him? They actually had pictures of him having sex with a woman who wasn't his wife so does that mean that the man who is probably the most important person in the history of the civil rights movement deserved to be castrated and thrown out of his house?
Maybe you will eventually get past your anger and realize that Spitzer was trying to change our country so that crooks couldn't keep stealing from us and get away with it and he should be admired for that.
And still more people who believe they can read minds. How are you all so sure SHE DIDN'T KNOW? You bring up McGreevey's wife, and she's a perfect example- since we're now learning that she wasn't quite as naive as she professed.
Absolutely-- all these women are speculating on Silda Spitzer's problems..
We've all lost on this one-- oh excepting the corporations & wall st. it was a huge plus for them-the day that spitzer left.
I'm really glad I'm not Silda. I mean, what kind of a name is THAT? Silda?!?!
Quite Frankly her problems are none of your or anyone elses business. And though you and others can pontificate endlessly about what she's feeling, to me it shows a lack of the ability to empathize with someone else who is undergoing pain and loss.
If you really cared about what she's going through then you would keep your mouth shut.
You are one heck of a hysterical DRAMA QUEEN. Get real.
Silda is a woman, mother, sharp lawyer. She can handle it, obviously BETTER THAN YOU CAN.
Yikes.
There's something really disturbing about dwelling on this woman's problems. Shouldn't we, for the sake of sheer human decency, just leave Silda Spitzer alone, without proposing imagined scenarios of what her life is currently like?
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Posted March 18, 2008 | 05:42 PM (EST)