Girlfriends' Guide: A Year Of Sexual Blunders By Powerful Men: Blame It On High School

David Letterman is this week's Exhibit A in the ongoing case of Powerful Men v. Sexual Integrity, having climbed over Roman Polanski, who was last week's winner. Congratulations, David. And as I look over the year's debris of the rich and powerful men (even if it was occasionally a wealth paid for taxpayer dollars, in the case of a couple of politicians) I've surmised one truth: These guys were losers in high school.

How do I know this? Well, just look at them. I don't think there's a football hero among them. These guys were the short guys, the dweeby guys, the bookworms who not only didn't get the cheerleaders and homecoming queens, but who, when they show up at high school reunions were greeted with, "I didn't even know you went to this school!"

We all know that adolescence is cruel and brutal, but the kind of exclusion from all the "Spring Awakening" fun for guys who don't fit the Big Man on Campus mold is so excruciating that it inspires them to compensate with humor, intense drive, and a quest for recognition later in life. (Or to collect road kill and live in an abandoned camper truck on the old Route 66.) As we adults know, these are pretty terrific characteristics in many ways, but to the pimply teen inside of us all, they are all second best to being tall, strong and sexy at 17.

There are several of us women who do the exact same things to revise the history of our teenaged insignificance. Look at the wives these powerful guys cheat on -- lawyers, writers, community servants whom they met in college or with whom they worked side-by-side as they were climbing the ladder. Not a dim bulb in the crowd, but not a prom queen in there either.

It seems to be a pattern that all goes pretty well during the family -- and career-building years of marriage for these late blooming powerhouse men, but then a switch flips at midlife, or later (I'm being generous here, fellas,) say, after the first heart attack. Their minds get all squirrelly and lascivious and tell them that they are better than those jocks from high school; in fact, they eat those kinds of meatheads for lunch every day! "Damn it," they exclaim in the universal middle-aged former-dweeb battle cry, "I've earned my right to a hot babe and I'm gonna get one!"

Off they go, to Hollywood, Argentina, D.C. nightclubs, or even their very own offices to follow the scent of the hunt. Sure, their wives may be nice, really smart, accomplished and terrific mothers, but what they want, what they deserve now is some young thing with a rockin' bod who looks at them as they see themselves now -- Big Men of the World. Sounds a lot like high school, doesn't it?

I know many of you will skate straight past this inquiry to remind me that plenty of high school heroes turned out to be asses, too, or that women do the same thing, but please don't bother. I'm just saying that there seems to be a pattern. Why else would gorgeous Charlotte's husband from "Sex and the City" be funny before he even says a word?

Bad high school social experiences are responsible for igniting some of the most incredible achievers in the world, for which we should rejoice. But tell me this, who was the most popular girl or guy in your school? I have absolutely no doubt you clearly recall not only their name, but probably every single word they said, or didn't say, to you. And you can recall exactly how they made you feel about your own worth. Who doesn't feel a secret nasty triumph upon seeing the old quarterback with a fat gut and receding hairline or the Prom Queen with a double chin and a drinking problem? It turns out the there are no real winners in high school, just survivors.

Comments

[chayefsky]

I disagree. These guys are narcissists who crave admiration and affirmation (sex) from women. It is about their need to control and fill their unquenchable thirst for worship from the opposite.

[femmyror]

What an intellectual triumph.

[gardengranny]

I think there are many reasons that men behave inappropriately sexually.

Comparing Letterman to Polanski is way off the mark. Having said that, I believe each of them was wrong in what they did.

But to say it goes back to high school experiences - or lack of such - is really stretching it.

[mzrecycle]

LOVE your theory! But according to it, Bill Gates should have left a trail of sexual indiscretions a mile long!

At least Letterman stepped up and said the right things. It's my opinion that he really meant them. Sanford kept insulting his wife everytime he got in front of a microphone, which was way too often and for too long. Polanski insists he didn't know the girl's age. I saw a picture of her. . . NO ONE could think she was more than 12!

[NCAV2]

I'm sure there is some truth to this. Now I don't know about Letterman's past or anything, but I do know that if a man wasn't able to get a girlfriend or "score" when he was a teenager, that does effect his psyche, whether we like to admit this or not. He then grows up, gets money, finds success and decides to make up for some lost time and doesn't feel any guilt in cheating on a spouse with another woman. That's why as a society we need to teach the youth that chasing a member of the opposite sex is not the ultimate goal in life.

[mediacrazed]

The conclusion and judgments about individuals made in this article are completely unsupported by any presentation of real life evidence.

[HonestWork]

Chris Rock's recent quote sums it up: "When you cheat on your wife, you cheat on your kids." (And, I'd argue, you cheat on yourself.) How does a person so privileged make such a mess of so many lives? Whether Dave is an active or sober alcoholic, it appears his disease is still running his show. Our master of self-sabotage and self-will run riot has sadly written a page of family history that will harm beloved little Harry for generations to come.

[JScott]

Oh jeez now we're picking of the have nots in HS for their bad behavior.

I don't buy it, both parties are guilty.

And I was a have not in HS, not even a nerd, I belonged to the 'belongs to no group, unaffiliated'.
And I am a decent taxpayer voting citizen, who even volunteers as a poll worker in the election.
Please big prestigious media folk, don't snark on us.

Signed
Dilbert
(we are the non folk who do everything so folks like you can be successful, and we seldom ask
for recognition, but please don't snark on us)

[mateoconifer]

any attempt to "blame it on high school" or on any thing or someone else is bs. It's a racket. IT IS THIER FAULT, PERIOD. They are weak, immature, pathetic people. David letterman is about as immature as they come. The politicians that have committed the same behavior for the most part have never done anything for anyone, they are in the game for themselves, period.

[brandnewstuff]

As a truthseeker thanks for saying so - It is BS!-- it is nothing more than arrogance and egomania

[Canuck27]

For all intents and purposes there is only one major component that men need for sex.OPPORTUNITY!!

[ndem]

I agree with this completely...those nerdy scary guys often become the players later on...but some of them are already players in high school...but parents can help to show strong examples of how to be healthy couples and fathers can talk to their sons and show them how to respect women.

[MaggieMamacat]

What makes you so sure that the "losers" in high school were really losers? All those bookworms, nerds, dreamers, and delinquents didn't silently gaze at the sports stars while sighing, "If only I could be like THEM." I thought that myth was debunked after The Breakfast Club. Adolescent subcultures from pep squad to the table full of class clowns have differing standards.

Not all athletes and cheerleaders were shallow, narcissistic, self-absorbed snobs. But the jocks and jockettes who imagined that the "losers" all envied and admired them? They had no idea how funny they looked from the outside.

Certainly some "high school losers" (male and female) go on to become neurotic adults who spend the rest of their lives trying to compensate and making their loved ones miserable. Others outgrow the whole silly thing and find their glory days in adulthood. Some high school heroes (and heroines) go on to be selfish or even abusive adults, still hooked on their own sense of entitlement, while others grow up to be lovely people. This article would be an interesting thesis for a research project, but at this point I'm not convinced that the "popular kids" grow up to be better people than the "losers" they once scorned.

Why yes, I was a daydreaming bookworm...does it still show? :-D

[TommyMcCarthy]

This qualifies as the most SEXIST article I have read to date this calender year.

If that was her intent........Ms. Lovine should be proud.

Even 40+ years after "The Feminine Mystique" was published; there's still alot of competition in the the field.

Last year of course was a VINTAGE year for sexist rants...but then, Hillary was running for President.... Understandably, alot of big-name sexists showed up.....and millions of amateurs knew the thrill of demeaning others based strictly on their gender for the first time.

Just one sample: "These guys were losers in high school.....How do I know?.....Well just LOOK at them!"
I mean, just read the article...there's plenty more where that came from.

A major-league effort in the sexism genre.

Congratulations
tm

But for an off year, Ms. Lovine has posted a credible effort here

[whateverlolawants]

I'm not sure Letterman is the best example. He went to school in my home city, and from what I've heard he was a reasonably popular class clown. Could be that people revised their history as he became famous, of course. Anyway, I see the idea behind the article, and I think it's one reason why some guys (and girls) cheat, but doesn't explain all of it. Some people have entirely different high school years- they were quite popular, or they seriously didn't care about being liked outside of their group of friends, or they went to a school unlike the "typical" ones- and yet they still cheat.

[zull2]

You know, if you really want to tackle a difficult puzzle, try analyzing the guys who didn't fit the stereotype and see how they turned out. Short but strong, geeky but gave football a try anyway, loved computers but not so much that they'd stay at home EVERY night. Did the drama club thing, but also ran track and worked as a sportswriter at the local paper.

I have a personal stake in regards to my curiosity as to how others like that turned out. Do women naturally prefer either jocks or geeks over those who they can't fit into a category? You wouldn't think they would, but then again, being able to categorize something makes people feel more comfortable, at ease. That's just been a question I've been asking myself for years, but no one seems to want to write about it, and I just get the feeling that it's just too hard to encapsulate in a book nicely and neatly.