Girlfriends' Guide To Global Warming: How Having Teenagers Makes Me An Expert On Developing Countries

It's no coincidence that I waited till the Huffington Post moved all the environmental stuff out of the Living section before I began posting for it. Call me anything, but never call me "earnest," please. My ecological philosophy goes something like this: Don't be a pig and clean up your mess to your best ability. Enough said. Reading about carbon footprints just makes me feel guilty and insignificant, particularly now that the G8 meeting is coming to an end in Italy. I may be squinting at under-lit labels in my pantry because I'm using CFL's and I may be driving a hybrid, but what difference does that make when India and China haven't even gone through puberty, let alone been invited to the dance. The developed countries have all agreed to a "goal" to limit global warming to no more than 2 degrees, but the hormonal and exceedingly populated developing countries have been trying to act invisible during this part of the summit.

Who can blame them? They haven't had their Bruce Springsteen moments yet.

They feel born to run and are just itching for affordable cars so that Wendy can wrap her legs 'round these velvet rims. We developed (and I use this term loosely) folks orgiastically indulged in the freedom and sex appeal of cars and now that we're middle-aged and no longer capable of rising to those emotions, we can't understand why everyone doesn't embrace moderation. As the mother of four kids, ages Learner's Permit to Legal Alcohol Limit, I get the rising titans' reluctance to restrict their appetites for the stuff all teenagers want. I don't believe that there is a single hybrid in the senior parking lot of my kids' high school that isn't either a pretend fuel economizer (like a Lexus GS450h or the hybrid Tahoe) or their mother's. Left to their own devices, youths choose fast and big every time. Even if it required a coal-burning engine and a gas mask, teens and China would drive if they could.

I've been raising teenagers for about seven years now, without a break, and what's most appalling about it is the realization that our barbarism is still so firmly coded in our DNA. Ask any survivor of parenting this age group and they will tell you; the most you can pray to do during this time is keep them from dying. Forget imparting values, religion, decency and character during this time. That's why most major religions consider their important work done by the time a child is thirteen--after that, it's helter skelter until they are finally humbled by having children of their own.

Maturity isn't acquired in life--it is beaten into us. And my question is: Who is going to beat these nuclear-armed and increasingly rich adolescent countries into such old-fogey behaviors like delayed gratification and working for the mutual good? It's not their fault that all the fun stuff we Americans and Western Europeans have been flaunting for decades only becomes available to developing countries now that we've seen the ice caps melting and have fought several wars over oil dependence. They want to play, too. In fact, we've been creating this insatiable hunger in them with our goods, movies, music and tobacco commercials. Now we have to go and tell them that it all causes cancer, at the very least? What a buzz kill.

With teenagers, parents can hide the car keys or take away the credit cards, but India and China are making their own keys and cars now and we turn to them, hat in hand for credit. I'm sure it's much like what Miley Cyrus's parents experience. And we certainly can't win with corporal punishment because they, like my own teens, are bigger and have more energy than we do.

All we can hope is that they quickly get hooked on the cult of celebrity because once they start worshipping their own Speidis, vapidity will cast the same opiate fog over them that they have on our kids. Until then, we should do what parents of teens do everywhere, wring our hands and pray that this, too, shall pass.

Comments

[Kessei]

This article says far, far less about the proper role to take vis a vis developing countries than it does about how teenagers are raised in our society.

Maybe the reason our teenagers act like idiotic little monkeys is because we tell them it's normal, allowable, and even healthy for them to behave that way.

In plenty of other societies, teenagers are thoughtful and mature. I've known significant numbers of teenagers - both as a teen myself, and as I've gotten older - who were not self-absorbed, self-centered, egotistical little nutjobs, who didn't understand "delayed gratification".

I'm really sick and tired of people treating adolescence as if it's a time of "barbarism" where maturity needs to be "beaten in" and you can "forget [about] imparting values, religion, decency, and character." Adolescence can, alternatively, be a time of great introspection and deep religious and spiritual seeking, characterized by a brutal, self-imposed crysalis of wanting to be a better, more mature person.

Teens will rise to the challenge of your expectations. If you expect them to act like rutting dogs hyped up on crack, that's how far they'll rise.

[BookQueen]

This is incredibly self-centered nonsense. (And I would prefer a ruder word than "nonsense.")

Wanting to get out of poverty does not make you a teenager. We are not a more mature nation, just a rich, myopic one.

Are you really ready to wash your clothes by hand? To live without a refrigerator? To have a planned black-out once a week to save energy? To make your living biking around the neighborhood buying old water bottles for recycling? No? Then don't insult the rest of the world for wanting a standard of living a tiny bit closer to yours.

Yes, of course, we need to do something about global warming. Yes, we need to convince developing countries to be part of that. The only moral way to do that is to help them get out of poverty without destroying the environment.

Why aren't we giving them loans to develop solar power and wind power? Selling them cheap fuel-efficient, non-polluting motorcycles? Following high standards for not polluting when our companies go into developing countries?

The idea that your country is the grown-up parent, has a long tradition under colonialism. Let's not bring it back.

[Nick D]

I guess it's a cute analogy, but it reminds me of Sarah Palin basing her foreign relations creditentials on her view of Russia from Alaska. No offence, but the teenagers that *you* raised do not make you an expert on Human Development, let alone development of nations. And saying blatant falsehoods like barbarism is encoded in our DNA just promotes ignorance.

But what really disturbs me about this article is the premise that helping the environment is pointless when India and China (and other "developing" countries) are worse polluters than us. Wrong and wrong. First of all, the US is still the worst polluter per capita in many categories, and second of all, who do you think is "developing" these countries in the first place? Indian peasants are facing famine, committing mass suicides and turning towards environmentally destructive practices because they are being forced to adopt new ways of farming by outside (American) companies (Cargill, Monsanto). It's not because they're still ignorant little savages... er... teenagers, as you suggest.

[BookQueen]

I agree with you.

And it doesn't remind me of Sarah Palin. It reminds me of a statue by the train station in Marseilles - Mother France with all her colony children around her. The statues, though, were made a long time ago. One would have thought we might have grown up since then.

[Tulka2]

The planet could do with a lot less land apes. There will be twice as many people in 2050 as there were in 2000.

[pwedza]

Could you name these nuclear old-fogey countries that are nuclear-armed?!

What in the world are you talking about?

Cutesy article, but it doesn't cut it..

[Bcasey11]

DO NOT REGULATE CARBON!

[yellowdoggie]

Wait until you visit your son's fraternity house. If they offer to let you tour the upstairs bedrooms, decline. Take my word for it. What they consider "picked up and clean for the parents" is still a pitted out, malodorous mess.

[tapeatsbill]

Blessings on you saint Vicki. I went to all boys prep school in my teen years. Looking back, we were wild animals. Not particularly smart either.

[chameleon59]

The funny thing is that while those countries - specifically China and India - are vocally holding out on signing onto the G8 (and other) agreements, they are making far more aggressive moves toward building clean energy plants and mastering wind and water energy production. China has recently increased their energy efficiency goals, and India did the same just this week. The reason is simple - money. As Barack Obama has repeatedly said - the country that leads the way in adopting and developing green energy production will lead the world. China wants to be that country - and the country's low labor costs make it a very realistic goal.

[MamaSmurf]

I really need that Guide to Teenagers. :) When is the publication date Vicki?

[lostmypassword]

Yeah, me too!!!!

ages Learner's Permit to Legal Alcohol Limit
ROFL. Getting there in 5 years. Please write the "Girlfriends Guide to Teenagers" before that :p

Kidding!

You did a lot of good already. Go take care of yourself and your loved ones. We will be fine and supporting you from here