There's No Crying in Baseball -- Or the Race to be President

Well, she did it. She introduced tears into the race for the Democratic nomination. They pooled there in her baby blues and even though not a drop escaped her orbs, her voice faltered and she looked so vulnerable and, well, in need of a hug, that all the news shows announced that Hillary Clinton cried Monday in New Hampshire. ABC got a quote from a forty-ish woman who said that show of humanity clinched her decision to vote for Clinton, but that was such a gimme. We women usually stick together when feeling threatened that one of us might be dismissed as "emotional." I want to know what people who don't relate to her by age and gender think. I want to know what I think, too, and I'm her target demographic.

From the clips I've seen, the waterworks started when a female reporter asked her, on air, how she gets up and ready to face the day every morning. The implication seemed to be that it was harder for a woman, a person with feelings, to get her game face on and hit the field than it is for a man. It sounded to me like a between-us-girls,-we-know-things-men- will-never-understand question that is normally right up my alley, albeit irrelevant to a presidential campaign. But the whole exchange left me feeling seasick on dry land. Perhaps I'd feel different if an astute reporter was trying to bring out the general woman's challenge of getting the kids up, dressed, fed and to the bus before going out to do her role as a world leader, but to hear Hillary tell it, it's Chelsea who is bolstering her mom these days. Or perhaps I'd feel less bushwhacked if the quote was overheard while the candidate was talking to her gynie about upping her hormone therapy. But no, Hillary was just sharing how "personal" her campaign is to her. Of course it is, Hillary, if you are saying that the rest of the candidates are killing themselves for the fab salary and cool Secret Service guys. There was an earlier video moment that hasn't been getting as much play when someone asked how Hillary felt about not being as "likeable" as Obama and she used a baby voice to reply, "It hurts my feelings." Wow, two tissue moments and she probably hadn't stopped at the proverbial diner for lunch yet. Get me my Wellbutrin!

Any guy will say that crying in business is worse than breastfeeding or farting. In fact, farting is such a guy thing that it's actually an acceptable tension breaker in some negotiations. But crying seems so, well, girlie in the weak and manipulative sense of the word. What are the rest of the group supposed to do when anyone, male or female, gets all weepy? They freeze, is what they do. All business comes to a halt while the observers struggle to decide what to do next. Should they comfort him or her with an embrace and some "there, theres?" Should they call a recess or bathroom break while the crier composes him/herself and the others gather around the coffee machine to roll their eyes and perhaps giggle a bit (another great tension breaker.) If there's another woman in the group, her genetic coding will force her to get up and run to offer a Kleenex from her own private stash. No matter what, the rhythm of business is rendered spastic and the weepy one's position is undermined for good by the perceived weakness.

Hey, I cry. Just not so much as I did when I was green and inexperienced. I don't cry at work anymore. I tried it once or twice in my youth and, trust me, if it had worked I'd be sobbing constantly. But it didn't work, at least not in the long run. It didn't even work that well in my private life, at least where my husband was concerned. Take the simple example of a marital spat: When I'm frustrated and feeling my position slipping and want the fight over, I cry. When I'm right and willing to go to the mat for my position, I'm so dry-eyed that I can hardly blink without bleeding. If I cry to win, it's because I don't want to play by traditional arguing rules and I'm manipulating for an advantage I haven't earned.

So what does Hillary want? Some people I've surveyed say she's exhausted by the infernal pace of the campaign and she broke down. Broke down? How can she break down before John McCain for God's sake? Not only is he older, he spent years being broken down in a prisoner of war camp! She should be flying on the post-menopausal zest doctors are promising us. She's too damned smart to demonstrate her fatigue like a girl. There are no accidents for the Clintons.

Bill Clinton cried. In fact, he boo-hooed like a baby at funerals and when helpless children moved him. But he didn't cry when he was tired or frustrated or misunderstood. He was a brilliant weeper--no shoulder shaking or hankie pulling. His tears showed how he could empathize with the downtrodden, with those who've experienced a deep loss or with an appropriately patriotic moment in history. He didn't cry because he lost Iowa and was scared to lose New Hampshire. Even during the Lewinsky trial, he was fierce and combative.

So why did Hillary cry? She's a veteran of several campaigns and she participated fully in those, while raising a daughter and working as a lawyer most of the time. She seems like a tough old girl and able to do the reps necessary to make the big muscles. She didn't have a breakdown. If she were tired and lonely and frustrated, she would do what the rest of the women of the world do; she would have wept in the shower, put some Visine in and slipped on her big girl panties. No, I firmly believe she can make it all the way to Super Tuesday and back without asking for so much as a backrub. She's as tough and any guy in the race.

But that's not her political problem today, is it? No, her advisers must have let her know in no uncertain terms that she's losing on humanity. She is so tough that you can imagine her holding a rod and forcing you to write a hundred times on the blackboard that you'll never wet your bed again. She debates like she would just as soon slap you as have to listen to your nonsense. She's not a crier, but she's also not funny, happy or spontaneous--she's not like us. In fact, she scares us a little bit.

She cried for the second most popular reason we women resort to it: She cried to manipulate the voters. She needed to convince people in the 24 hours before the New Hampshire primary that she's not the animus who sent us into therapy. She's not a punishing god. There's not enough time to bake and share those dread cookies that upset her so when Bill was elected. She can't share her diet failures on Oprah or her marriage secrets. She needed something quick and easy to effect a last-ditch image polish to subdue our secret fears that she's a droid and some forehead told her to get all sudsy on us. Yup, that's us women, all right; when we're not being understood and getting our way, we wring our hands and float our eyes and hope someone will take pity on us.

How do I explain this to my voting daughter? She already knows that women traditionally are perceived as more emotional than men, but women traditionally have been powerless in a man's game, too. What I'd advised her to look for was a woman who could play the game as well as a man, and improve on it because of her female qualities of empathy, consensus and quest for peace. And if she failed honestly, we would applaud her for the attempt. But if Hillary used the antiquated tool of the powerless, tears, to manipulate the voters' perception of her, then she has sold her girlfriends down the river for personal gain. She certainly wouldn't be the "real candidate of change" that she's promising, but simply another old pol. Thanks, Hillary, but we'll just go back to grooming our girls to be the First Woman President of the United States we've been praying for. We've been working on it for well over two centuries and we can work a little longer.

Comments

[eaglecapri]

'There are no accidents for the Clintons.'

Bingo! Hillary is as tough as nails! So much so, it's a bit scary. To break down over 'how do you do it'? Uh, I don't think so. And the pause, oh the pause, before she goes into 'it' - The Scene. It totally read - 'should I go for it, should I go for it - and she did.

I love, love, love this article!!! It was SO on point! Here's another article from the NY Times that I also enjoyed - Can Hillary Cry Her Way Back to the White House:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/09/opinion/08dowd.html?scp=2&sq=maureen+dowd

[klondiker]

I can't believe this ridiculous "the crying was staged" storyline is still making the rounds.

You know what? Let's say she did cry on purpose. Fine. If she is SO brilliant that she found a way to turn around a losing campaign that was down 15 points the day before the election, maybe she should be president.

That shows incredible problem-solving skills.

[Spookcatcher]

Having three sisters all married 5 times, they have ruined many a good man and spent many a million. a good welling up at the right time, Priceless. Many Oscars have been awarded for lesser performances.

[joebobby]

I think Hillary Clinton is a bad choice for president. Not beacuse she is a woman. I have no problem with a woman president. But I do with Hillary. She's a liar and she's just a plain bitch. I don't trust her. Then again,I don't trust any politician. She should give it up(no pun intended). If she paid attention to Bill when he was governer and president,he wouldn't have had Monica or the women who came before her(no pun intended.)

[kardwell]

Your comments probably reflect what millions of women are thinking, but Ms. Iovine, I have watched the now famous video, and there were no tears.

[RAMHaiti]

I've had my hands shake. I was in a police station once and I knew they wanted to kill me (or were at least considering it) and at a certain point one of my hands shook.

My chief of security died protecting me. It was about 10 years ago. Almost a dozen people died in the incident.

Sometimes a memory or a moment will bring a tear to my eyes....

Then it's gone, and I move on...

What's the big deal.

Hillary Clinton is the best candidate for 2008 whether or not the MSM agrees.

The folks who hate Hillary gave us George W. Now they want to give us Obima. Forgedaboudit!

[ChicagoMolly]

Am I the oldest kid in the room, or does anybody else remember Sen. Ed Muskie? In 1968 -- in fact, during the NH primary campaign as I recall -- he had some kind of emotional moment and (gasp!) shed a tear. The media dumped a big stinky load all over him just as they did with Sen. Clinton, and they made sure it stuck. I can't even remember now what had happened to elicit his show of emotion. For the rest of the campaign (even after he became Hubert Humphrey's running mate) every few days you could count on one right-wing sphincter or another to yawp about his having "cried like a baby" in the fields of New Hampshire. "Plus ca change" and all that.

I stopped watching TV some years back, but every so often I get the idea that I should hook up the wire again and watch the news for the excitement and intellectual stimulation of seeing our national media rise to the challenge of reporting on the issues that really affect each of us as we choose our next president. Then I read about crap like this and come to my senses.

[JamesCampbell]

She did not burst into tears, or play the gender card. She gave a totally real, human response to a situation that obviously resonates. She is vilified for being tough, yet, when she exposes even the tiniest softness, she is excoriated. Since when is it a bad thing to possess both strength AND heart in this country? She brings a different approach and champions issues that no man ever would, issues that have for too long been ignored. Would we be talking about health care for everyone if she hadn't taken up the fight all those years ago? She was the first to publicly fight for it, and she took a licking for that. The truth is that she was punished by men for trying to change the status quo and by women for possessing the smarts and drive to actually make it work. Women have run for President in the past, but the entire world knows that Hillary Clinton is the first woman that could take it all the way to the Oval Office.

She has an incredibly tough fight ahead of her, and to my amazement, women are letting her do it all alone. But if she broke the biggest, hardest glass ceiling in the world, how would that affect your life? The lives of our daughters and granddaughters? Hillary is in the incredibly unique position to prove to this country and to history not necessarily that a Woman can be The President, but that The President can be a Woman. Half the population of the entire planet. The positive effects would be immediate and irreversible, and would be felt in every corner of the world. Now is the time. For my grandmother, my mother, my sisters and my daughter. This is the moment in history where you rally around this woman and FIGHT for her, as she has fought for all of you. If not, you can continue to let men legislate your vaginas for the next 200 years. This is really happening; this is your future. It's time to act.

[betterthansane]

First. The questioner was not a reporter. She was a guest at a small gathering, there of her own accord and had no "agenda" or ulterior motive. She, later in the day, voted for Obama. She has been interviewed and states her case very clearly.

Second. Mrs. Clinton's response was genuine and honorable. Tears were a powerful, spontaneous expression of deeply held passion.

Third. You and your cynicism is one of the reasons that your daughter is going to have a tougher time realizing her full potential. You cannot lift women up by tearing them down in a mean spirited, self servicing diatribe of untruthiness.

Until women stand up in truth for other women it will remain difficult, even dangerous, for brave women to take a stand.

[sturgis54]

In a week that will be remembered for shamefully unprincipled and downright dishonest press coverage of the Democratic campaign, I wonder if Ms. Iovine is even slightly ashamed for having thrown herself headlong into the wholly unfair coverage of the now infamous 30 seconds out of her nearly round-the-clock schedule of public appearances where she had the "audacity" to show the briefest glimpse of human emotion and non-scripted candor. The press eruption that followed this appearance would have led one to assume that HRC had broken down in heaving, uncontrollable sobs. Oh no... I thought... she must realize that her enemies have been waiting for her to show "female frailties." So, I rushed to Youtube to see what had happened, and I was stunned -- having expected a real meltdown with hankies and running mascara, I am just damned if I see or hear more than a slight catch in the voice and a momentary mist in the eyes. Despite the most overwrought and dire sounding headlines and sound bites that simply exploded after this event, there were no flowing tears, no inability to speak, not even a goddamn Kleenex employed. In what world could it be described that Hillary came anywhere near "breaking down" or even "crying?" To characterize this event as such is simply unfair and risks derailing Mrs. Clinton's chances for the presidency based on A LIE. I expect this kind of coverage from males who just can't resist any chance to dismiss HRC as just another "overly emotional little girl," but shame on any females, like Ms. Iovine, who sought to pile on and damage Mrs. Clinton for simply having a "human moment." No, Ms. Iovine -- far from women usually sticking together when they feel that others of their gender are being treated unfairly, it is ofter women who are cruelest to other women. How's about a little simple fairness here?

[vagabond78666]

two things.. she either cried genuinely under stress..which should cancel her as presidential material or she faked it to make herself seem more
sensitive. either way it worked. the women voters came through for her.
i think it was lame either way.
embarrassingly sad that it calls into play the doom sayers that believe a woman can't lead because she is too emotional.
i have lost all respect for her.

[frustratedinohio]

She didn't have to cry to make me realize she's human, but for most of the country she did. We make these candidates dance before us. They are our puppets while they are campaigning.

If you're a woman, under stress, tears are always just under the surface. The pundits were saying she seems so cold, so she did the obvious thing and didn't fight so hard to hold back the tears, and it worked. It worked with female voters in a big way.

I wish we could just all vote for the most qualified person--which she obviously is, but we can't. We have to have a handful of people dance for us. Then we ridicule them. Then we vote for the most handsome person or the richest, or the most religious, and we end up with 8 years of a monkey running the country.

Why do we make it so hard.

[MadMadWorld]

BTW, I think the reporter was referring to her vilification in the media by people like you and your patron on this website.

Hillary is not evil incarnate.

She is NOT responsible for the problems in this country or with the world.

Some of you here need to learn who the enemy is. I don't see anyone bashing the DO NOTHING CONGRESS of which BOTH she and OBAMA were a part. NEITHER HAVE EFFECTED CHANGE in the past three years and yes: THEY BOTH HAD THE OPPORTUNITY.

BUT she at least has stood up for something. Remember HEALTHCARE. She may not have won, but she STOOD UP.

[Robert59]

Who cares? Republicans cry all the time and no one accuses them of being pussies (Bush and Boehner immediately come to mind). Their tears haven't hurt their popularity or their strong image.

The MSM turned this non into a story.

[KSH]

I have tried to all my female co workers this morning who are some "Sista Girl Save the World" mission. Hillary used the women of NH just like I used the cops to get out of a ticket - I know it's not fair but I have done it.