There are lots of different reasons why couples call it quits but no matter how or why, all divorced people have one thing in common -- being asked, "So, why did you get divorced?"
It isn't necessarily a bad question: sometimes the answer helps people gauge their own relationships. Often, the answer illuminates the divorced person's character and "issues," especially to a potential new love. As a journalist I'm used to tough questions, but that one is particularly awkward for me because of how I have to answer: "Which time?"
I have been married and divorced more than once -- twice, in fact -- and that alone is enough to give many people pause, without even knowing the whys. They're quick to assume what they consider the obvious, that I must be pretty crappy marriage material because I "failed" at two of them. Perhaps I fall for the "wrong" kind of men. Or, more likely, something must be very "wrong" with me. Maybe all of the above. 
Serial marriages aren't that uncommon, especially among celebs -- Elizabeth Taylor, Mickey Rooney, Larry King come to mind. If the newly engaged Jesse James and Kat Von D eventually tie the knot, she'll be wife No. 4. But, we know that the rich and famous are not like us -- we expect all sorts of marital drama from them, and are more surprised by a marriage like the late Patrick Swayze's, who was together with wife Lisa Niemi for 34 years before he passed away.
Still, even they're not exempt from raised eyebrows.
Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani's rocky marital history -- he's now on wife No. 3, Judith -- was well known when he he threw his hat into the presidential ring in 2008. "I'm a human being. I make mistakes. I'm not perfect," was how he explained things. Poor Judith, however; her admission that Rudy was her third husband set the tabloids on fire. That's why she waited until after he announced his intention to run for president to mention it. She feared judgment; she "failed" two marriages, after all -- what's wrong with her?
Which is why I find answering "So, why did you get divorced?" so awkward.
People tend to blame divorces on the women, just as surely as they notice a messy or dirty home and fault the wife for her shoddy housekeeping. Aren't wives the ones who say "I want a divorce" two-thirds as many times as men? Don't women have unrealistic expectations about marriage? Aren't unhappy wives who want a divorce selfish for putting their needs before their children's? And aren't all ex-wives psychos, gold-diggers, princesses and all-around b-words?
Some are.
All people who have been married and divorced a few times are suspect, but women perhaps a little more so -- just like women who sleep around are considered sluts or cougars while men who do are called, well, lucky.
I feel a lot like Rudy when it comes to explaining my first marriage. I wed just a few months shy of my 21st birthday -- what did I know? "I'm a human being. I make mistakes. I'm not perfect." I married way too young for all the wrong reasons because I didn't have any reason other than, "But we're in love!" That's not enough to sustain a marriage. My friends cast it off as a "starter marriage." Maybe, but it was still painful.
When I married again several years later, I thought I was a much more mature and self-aware woman. Evidently not, although somewhere between 60 percent and 70 percent of second marriages end so the odds were stacked against me anyway. But that marriage lasted 14 years and gave me two wonderful children. Although I didn't want to be a cliche -- a 40-something divorced mom -- stuff happened and we couldn't work it out. So we split.
It's easy to point the finger at the ex -- once. But if you've been married and divorced several times, people are on to that game. Just like it takes two people to make a good marriage, it takes two to make a troubled one. So I've spent a lot of time since my second divorce looking at what I've brought to the marital table and why, and what I want to change. Now I truly am a more mature and self-aware woman.
Which, obviously, makes me poised to be The Perfect Wife. Too bad I'm not going for marriage No. 3.
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The question itself reveals a traditional attitude that someone needs to wear the scarlet letter.
Old thinking.
What I want is a 'Science' section, I know there is 'Tech' but sometimes the new Apple product just doesn't do it for me.
?????
I take it you are a man. Perhaps you should ask a woman friend what it is like to be in her body and mind. The way I've learned about men is to talk with them about their experiences and how they see the world. Sometimes they get the short stick and sometimes we do. I've determined that pretty much if certain types of people can find a reason to be mean to you, whatever gender you are, they will do it. I try to keep my family, friends, and myself away from people like that.
Why do we need to take a test to drive a car, but don't have to take one for a possible lifetime commitment?
I would like to see a law or requirement, that before you can be 'legally' married you have to pass a test showing that you are:
1. Ready to be married (mature, able, stable, etc...)
2. Compatible.
Yes, these can be subjective, but the large point is, why don't we require more, more...something, before we do this supposedly life-long deed? Any downside to this?
"Aren't wives the ones who say "I want a divorce" two-thirds as many times as men?"
If that were the case, wives would ask for divorce 2 times for every 3 times that husbands did. That would mean that wives asked for divorce 2/5, or 40% of the time.
Maybe you meant that wives asked for 2 out of 3 divorces (67%, twice as often as the men).
But following your link, I see that you wrote there: "Women ask for divorce two-thirds more often than men."
So that means, for every 3 divorces men ask for, women ask for 5. So women ask for 5/8 divorces (62.5%).
Considering the convoluted phrasing through all this, I have to wonder what's the actual number, and what's the source.
1. she might be actually telling you where the pitfalls are
2. you do the complete opposite to her advice