Tall, dark, attractive, blue-eyed, blond, intelligent, athletic, funny, fit, shapely -- certain traits turn us on when it comes to finding someone to love.
But with couples breaking up all the time and a 50 percent or so divorce rate, those traits mean little when it comes to what really matters -- finding someone who won't break our heart.
What if we could have proof that our partner was madly, deeply in love with us? What if we could be guaranteed that our partner would never cheat on us? What if we could marry knowing that our partner would never divorce us? What if we could turn a "player" into a loving husband and family man? Would we want to know? Would we gladly sign up to tweak our sweetheart's genetic composition to have the love we want?
As odd as it may seem, we're not that far off.
When it comes to matters of the heart, love has less to do with the heart and more to do with the brain. New technologies, like functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), allow us to look inside the brain when it's in the throes of love -- or just mere attachment love. And they also allow us to weed out a man or woman who, despite promising to love, honor and cherish us above all others "till death do us part," is more likely to break that vow.
It will be a while before we'll be able to purchase or download a hand-held truth-o-meter and use it on a would-be lover, says science journalist Judith Horstman, author of the newly published The Scientific American Book of Love, Sex and the Brain: The Neuroscience of How, When, Why and Who We Love. But breaking a promise is a neurological event, documented by researchers at the University of Zurich in Switzerland, and that means one day all of us might be able to peer inside the minds of those we're thinking of committing to and discover if they're just as committed.
But maybe despite our best judgment we fall for someone whose brain scan proves he's prone to breaking promises anyway; should we forget about him and try to find someone else? Not so fast -- what if we could give him a pill that would turn him into a faithful partner?
A few years ago, scientists looked into what made prairie voles so family-friendly and monogamous -- one of the fewer than 5 percent of mammals that stick with its mate for life -- when its cousin, the meadow vole, acts like a Don Juan, mating with as many females as possible and is clueless about raising its own children. The difference is a protein called the vasopressin receptor, which is ample in the prairie vole but not in the meadow vole. When scientists boosted the vasopressin receptor in the meadow vole, it became monogamous. It's a similar situation with monkeys, some of which are more free-loving than others -- even humans, according to one study. So can we expect a drug that boosts our vasopressin receptor so we could transform a cad into a fantastic dad? "That would depend on a lot of things, including the side effects of the drugs," says Dr. Barry Starr, a geneticist at Stanford University's Tech Museum of Innovation and who runs its "Ask a Geneticist" column. "Vasopressin is obviously involved in a lot more than fidelity and so you'd need to be able to tweak the gene just right in order to see the effects you might see in someone who doesn't cheat."
And, yes, women have vasopressin receptors, too, but for reasons that remain unknown it doesn't seem to influence their behavior as much, Starr says.
Some researchers have looked into what role genes might have in our tendency to cheat, like last year's study on a certain variant of the dopamine gene DRD4 -- and dopamine is the force behind our sexual drives, survival needs and pair-bonding behaviors. That study got a lot of buzz in the press as the one-night stand gene (although the researchers painstakingly noted that their findings were not definitive). And why not: How much easier to blame infidelity on a gene than our own actions? While we might be able to mess with DRD4, there would be ramifications. "We would also curb the effects of risk taking," Starr notes, and that means "fewer new discoveries and fewer financial meltdowns."
Other studies have found potential genetic links to explain why children of divorced parents have a higher risk of divorce and why divorce is common among identical twins (If one twin in an identical twin pair divorced, it's much more likely that his or her twin would be divorced, too).
Since it appears that genetics clearly has some influence over human behavior, it isn't far-fetched to believe that monogamy and a predisposition to divorce might also be somewhat under its spell. So, what do we do with that information? Most of us have no problem testing fetuses for potential genetic problems; in fact, it's recommended for women who get pregnant in their mid-30s. Would we be just as willing to screen a potential partner's genetic pool if we had reliable, accessible tests? Wouldn't it be to our best interest -- not to mention the interest of any potential children we might have -- to weed out those people who will end up being unfaithful or love us and leave us?
While that sort of genetic testing may be years away -- if it ever arrives -- there are already some entrepreneurs who are profiting by touting the benefits of neuroimaging to suspicious spouses and worried would-be lovers, like No Lie MRI. The company's website recommends No Lie's services for "risk reduction in dating," "trust issues in interpersonal relationships" and "issues concerning the underlying topics of sex, power and money."
That makes many uncomfortable. Neuroscience is an exciting new field but the problem, many say, is that brain scans aren't always as accurate as we think they are -- or want them to be. Yet.
"Brain imagining is still very new and it's not very specific, so in these experiments where they correlate certain activity in the brain with emotions, that's an association -- it's not really a cause and effect yet," Horstman tells me.
That doesn't bother people like No Lie MRI's founder Joel Huizenga, who says singles think "this is great for dating, because people never tell you the truth."
But, do we always want to know the truth? "If you build a fortress around your heart, you're keeping pain out but also love," Horstman says. "Our hearts are made to be broken."
Just try telling that to your brain.
Follow Vicki Larson on Twitter: www.twitter.com/OMGchronicles
A more logical way would be for people to find the kind of relationship they want and go with it. If you're not into fidelity, find a partner that is OK with that (but don't expect fidelity from them, either). Don't expect to go into to a monogamous relationship and cheat without repercussions. Polygamy among consenting adults, that's their business, whether it's 3 wives, 3 husbands or 3 wives and 2 husbands. If it works for them, fine. I'm perfectly happy as a 100% monogamous man, with a 100% monogamous wife, but I don't feel I should project that on the brains of people whose brains might not be built for that.
I hope our society ends before this happens. I would have nothing to do with people who pulled this gadget out. At this point our words, thoughts, feelings and emotions mean nothing.
"So can we expect a drug that boosts our vasopressin receptor so we could transform a cad into a fantastic dad? "
Hmm, is this article with women concerned with all about men not wanting to monogamous? Infidelity is restricted just to the male gender? This pill is only for the males?
Oh screw all this, let's just have test tube reproduction then we have not need for relationships. See no one gets their heart broken, women free from child birth, free from men, no children to raise, the perfect world, correct?
Some male must have screwed with your life, if this is how you are thinking.
Now, my spouse was another story...
This is the reason marriages fail, we expect it to be easy. As soon as it becomes hard, we're off like a prom dress.
- that might be where society plays a role - its more socially acceptable for a man to cheat so there is less forethought, a woman on the other hand has more of a stigma behind cheating and isn’t as socially acceptable among peers. That plays a huge role in the acceptability in cheating among genders. but with conservative America being more and more forgotten and liberal views are being thrusted into media outlets, radios and tv stations near you more woman are seeing hmm i can play those games to - if not better then my male predecessor. Women are also harder on other woman when it comes to matters men are more accepting and encouraging to other men in this area.
I've seen studies that claim 60% of men and 40% of women cheat, If you could add in all the people who may cheat if they had the ability/opportinity and those who lie when they say they don't cheat, those numbers would be even higher, meaning most people cheat.
So with that in mine, if we could, through a test, determine who would cheat, how many relationships would go on to the reproduction stage? Marriage would all but cease to be, and most of the kids born would be to people who only use kids for a welfare check. How long before the middle class reproduction rate plummets to the point where there are not enough workers being created to take care of all the non-workers being born?
If you take all the guess work out of relationships, the human race would die out.
The good studies only find a cheating rate of about 20%, slightly more for men, slightly less for women. These are the studies that find a balanced sample instead of just looking at people who cared enough to fill in an online form.
20% is, also, about the percentage of guys in the Swedish study with the "cheating gene."
I don't really have a vested interest in getting into a link war. My main point was that messing with human nature like this might help the individual, but it will not be good for mankind.