5 Things Not to Do on a Date
As the co-founder of the user-generated blog My Very Worst Date, I spend good parts of my day reading hilarious, cringe-inducing and unbelievable stories of dates gone horribly wrong. Sometimes it's his fault; sometimes it's hers. But often times these dates could have been prevented by using common sense. But judging by the amount of bad dates we hear about, we have to assume that a good portion of the daters out there may need a reminder of the what-not-to-do basics.
Here are the five most common mistakes that people make on first dates:
1. Avoid getting drunk. Sure, a drink or two can often loosen you up on a date or make things a bit livelier. But when a cocktail turns into three -- or five -- things will go south quick. You could harm yourself or even end up in jail. At the very least there will be damages to your ego.
2. Don't lie. Whether it's on your online profile or your first getting-to-know-you phone chat, there's simply no benefit to lying about your height, weight, age, occupation, financial status, etc. so why do people continuously do it? Your date will be disappointed and turned off.
3. Don't be cheap. Sure, we're in a recession and no one would fault you for wanting to save a few bucks, but some offenders take things too far, like the guy who refused to buy his date a hot dog in Central Park. Traditional etiquette would tell you that if you ask a woman out then you should pay for the date. Most rational women will offer to go dutch or take you out after the third date. If you're looking for inexpensive fun try bowling, wine tasting, hitting a museum, taking a picnic to the park or going on a bike ride.
4. Leave past girlfriends or boyfriends out of it. Of course it's important to know if this person has had past relationships, but a first date is no the place to delve into past love or detailed dramas. Aside from actually running into the ex on your date, it doesn't get much worse than this awkward situation. Discussing your dating past will make your date horribly uncomfortable until he or she knows you better.
5. Don't get religious or political. If you have certain deal breakers when it comes to your date's political views or religious stance, then we understand wanting to get to the bottom of things, but criticizing one's beliefs or arguing on a first date is a sure way to end it fast. And by all means, avoid the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. At least till your second date.
Dating is never easy. Trust me, we've all been there, but if you follow these five steps we have a feeling you won't be contributing to My Very Worst Date anytime soon.
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...and don't work blue. On one date at a fine restaurant, the guy I was with liberally threw around highly sexual and biologically graphic expressions (i.e. not even a part of the story) to convey his excitement about things. And he was a professional in his late 30's, not a 15 year old kid... It was hard to get food down and to imagine him seeing him again, nevermind bringing him to office or family holiday parties. He just had no clue...
Yeah, and don't mine your belly-button fur either, how enlightening. Can I be myself, or do the rules not allow that either? This sounds like advice for people who are more interested in the process of dating itself than with actually meeting anyone.
"Has this actually worked for you? Only a woman with zero self-esteem would go on a second date with someone so cheap. Equality doesn't mean chivalry is dead. Who would have sex with a cheapo?"
Chivalry may mean a man should not be vulgar with his language, and should open doors, and pull out chairs for a woman. It doesn't mean that he should pay for everything, and who arbitrarily declared this nonsense that the one asking someone on a date should pay? It's just plucked out of thin air.
women's lib is great, provided it doesn't cost any money!
You might add...don'
Should have said, Don't F*ck him, NO kissing, no hand holding. Don't talk about your goals, or his. Don't expect him to pay so bring money just in case you don''t like him and then say " I always go dutch", so he doesn't feel you owe him anything.
That leasves me with nothing. HAha
agree with the first 4 but not 5 . . . I want to know how the other person thinks . . . and what their stance is on israel . . . and a lot of other things . . . I need to know he has a brain . . . and thinks
You want o know how he feels about Israel? Aren't you more interested if he can at least answer simple questions at first?
like what?
This is a good list. I agree with #1-4, but I can't co-sign on #5. I do want to know the depth and scope of one's political and religious views. For example, I'm a very liberal person, and while I have dated conservative Republicans before (and had a blast), they were pragmatic, ideologically flexible individuals like myself. And that's very important to know. The more I know, the more I can determine if there will even be a second date, or if the date can go well into the night.
I don't want to hear a person's life story on the first few dates, but I do want to get an idea of who this woman is, and what makes her tick: what's important to her, what she fights for (and against), what's her view of community and society (and how she views her role in it), etc. And one way of finding that out is through a query of one's political/
Room for more?
Don't be unattractive, faggy, dykey, sissy, too tall, too small-- too imperfect, etc.
In the eugenic new america, which mainstream mass media have helped to
render a daily beauty/ personality contest, social rejection is normal and loneliness
is overdetermined; in the New america, happy are the beautiful. Look at the symphonies
of pretty white people, sports "heroes", on magazine racks: images of power and beauty--the
hypothetically fittest to reproduce, and thus fittest to survive. The american
obsessiveness about appearances in general is unmentionable because it does
relate to eugenics, and our nazi-like drive to create a "perfected world" in material
terms. American dating is reductionistic mating, and aims at what beauty pageants
covertly seek: to influence mating selection.
I agree with all of them, except No. 5.
Religious and political leanings are deal breakers for me, so may as well find out about them right off the bat.
That doesn't mean being rude about them; just knowing whether to go on a second date or not.
I agree with all except #5. I do want to find out a person's political/religious leanings right off the bat.
If they are a Limbauger or a Creationist, at least I can have a little fun arguing with them on our first and last date. I generally screen this type of thing via e-mail or phone before wasting any time meeting people, though...
First date / last date -- I hope to move out of the trailor park soon if I get that job at Burger King I can ride my bike to work . I am almost finished with night school and will have my GED soon.
Overheard at a restaurant: "So I was telling my Pastor the other day after services, that my ex-girlfriend really left me because I wouldn't introduce her to my cousin Tom Hanks. You have change for a twenty? (buurp)."
What you really don't want to do, if you happen to be a smoker, is try and act very suave when hitting on the prettiest girl in the company during your break in the employee cafeteria, and when you reach up to take the cigarette away from your lips to ask her if she's like to go out for a drink sometime, the cigarette sticks ever so slightly on your lip, so that instead of pulling the lit cigarette AWAY from your mouth, the cigarettte stays put and your FINGERS slide down the shaft of said cigarette and grip the lit (read: very hot) burning ember of the tip, causing a momentary blinding flash of intense pain, whereupon you then scream like a little girl and instinctively jerk away the glowing ember that has seared your skin, and in one swift motion yank the cigarrette away friom your mouth and fling it, burning, directly at the face of the pretty blonde girl you have been so deftly trying to woo, hitting her in the eye, which, while thankfully causing no permanant damage, results in a) a visit to the local medical clinic, b) absolutely no chance of a date with said blonde, and c) the widespread understanding among all coworkers in the company, and probably the industry in general, that you are perhaps the biggest dork in the history of dorkdom.
Yeah, so don't do that. I'm just saying.
I'm sorry... but that is F'n hilarious.
Plus, blondes come and go, but stories are forever.
Either you're a talented comedy writer or it really happened. Either way cudos. People are still looking in my office door to see what I'm laughing about.
As an ex smoker and having done it, I bet it really happened - funny as he// either way!
Oh, this was FUNNY! I can totally picture it...
I wouldn't even consider going on a first date with a smoker, burned or not.
Truly, this comment is Laugh Out Loud funny. Thanks to the giggling fit this induced, my coworkers think I have finally lost it.
Your co-workers?
Are you someone who has been complaining about corporate America?
What are you doing posting comments during work hours?
I have to disagree with the last point. I'm all about politics and spirituality and if a girl is turned off by that she is not "the one" for me. I HATE pointless small talk (it exhausts me), have zero interest in celebrities, only a passing interest in movies and no interest whatsoever in talking about cars. I love sports, and that is a good "small talk" topic for me but most women are not interested in sports. So what is there to talk about?
I love travel and have lived in or visited a high percentage of the countries of the world. I learnt, however, a long time ago that most people are uninterested in countries they have never visited and will probably never visit.
So spirituality (note I did not say religion) and politics, both small and party politics make excellent topics of conversation for me. As I can (and have demonstrated multiple time) hold a conversation with people who have a polar opposite view to my own while still keeping the conversation friendly, interesting and exciting for both I think there is a lot to be gained by showing my date "who I am" right at the start.
Well, I guess if you think your approach to life is the only correct one, then you better get a clone of yourself to date.
It's a DATE. A FIRST DATE. Sometimes people with less intense interest in an area can turn out to be a very good balance for one who is intensely interested in an area.
Wow. You're a real charmer, aren't you? But you're right; if that's all you wanted to talk about, then you probably wouldn't be "the one" for her either.
Yawn.....
it's all about you, isn't if??
Ahem, ever thought about getting to know the person you are with......
You are so into yourself that you do not even need anyone else but you.
Carry on.
Exactly what I was thinking. I have known too many men and women like this and I've finally realized this pattern in myself, in being these people's audience. Now, people like this bore me to tears. Yak, yak, yak.
I agree. Small talk isn't for me either but I can see that it works for some people. Rigid rules like #5 are more for people who KNOW they don't do well with opposing opinions but if you aren't looking for anything serious one wouldn't care?.
PS. People don't want to hear about places they haven't been to? That's just sad...
I'm with you, though it seems like lots of people disagree.
You should bring with you the Oxford Capacity Personality Test and read it outloud to him for fun. You can download it here:
http://oca
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