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Vinnie Rotondaro

Vinnie Rotondaro

Posted: January 18, 2010 05:55 PM

La Situazione: Bella Figura on the Jersey Shore

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I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that not only is the Situation the best thing on the "Jersey Shore", he's also the best thing on the "Jersey Shore" -- as in, he's the best human being on the show.

I took a break from the fist-pumping MTV reality TV series after watching the first two episodes. With a name like mine -- Vinnie -- I predictably got a lot of "What do you think of 'Jersey Shore?'" questions upon its premiere.

On that note, I'll say this: So it's slightly derogatory towards Italian Americans. Whatever. As the grandson of Calabrian and Neapolitan immigrants living in America, my life is just fine, and I think that's the case for most other Italian Americans as well.

Back to the point. I checked out the last two episodes online this past weekend, and I must say, not only is Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino awesome, he's also a man's man, the most reasonable, adult housemate and the most authentically Italian character on the cast.

I like to picture him as a street hustler in Naples circa 1848. He's got an authentic shtick. He's the "Situation" for Christ's sake. If anyone exemplifies the Bella Figura on "Jersey Shore", it's him. Bella Figura means "to cut a good figure." But it's not only about appearance. It's also about attitude. Mike's large and in charge. Mike does what Mike wants to do. And yes, he's cocky. But I feel like he was born that way. From his real politik view of sex to his effortless bitchslaps of the English language -- e.g. "Pull the eject button!" -- he just doesn't seem to care what you think.

Mike's also got class, or something approaching it. When J-WOWW drunkenly went after him fists-a-flying, he deftly, yet responsibly, grabbed her and lifted her into the air to put an end to...uh, the situation.

Well done, Sir. I actually learned something watching that situation. I know what to do if a girl ever charges at me. But wait. It didn't end there. Seconds later, J-WOWW landed a brutal hammerfist flush on Mike's chin. What a shot! Retaliation? No. Mike took the hit like a man. He talked back, that's for sure. But he never lost his cool.

J-WOWW went after him because he wouldn't walk her drunk ass home from a casino club after she swatted him on the head and threatened to beat up the girl he was with. Now, I suppose the platonic manly thing to do would have been to recognize her in-born spiritual infirmity, put his interests aside and play chaperone. But, like it or not, there was something sort of great, and justified, about his refusal to move. Va' fa' un culo!, more or less. She was way out of line.

Let's compare Mike to Ronnie, "The Retarded Bull", as I prefer to call him. Recently, Ronnie got thrown in the slammer for knocking a dude out over a petty boardwalk spat. In another episode he pushed his girlfriend, and then he sort of bucked at her while they were arguing in a club. This is the situation with Ronnie. His hair fucking sucks. Honestly. His hair sucks. More importantly, Ronnie has serious anger issues. He's like an out of control baby bull. Doesn't know what strength is all about.

Next up is Vinny, who thinks he's awesome but actually just has no muscles. And after that we're left with DJ Pauly D, who I can't quite figure out. The remaining girls are all fools -- though I kind of have a soft spot in my heart for Snookie.

But there are no questions with the Situation. He's straight up awesome. He gets what he wants and doesn't bowl anybody over in the process. Unless they ask for it of course. And let's face it, Mike's surrounded by idiots. He calls himself the father of the house. Never truer words spoken on the "Jersey Shore".

 

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