iOS app Android app

Virginia Gilbert, MFT
GET UPDATES FROM Virginia Gilbert, MFT
Virginia Gilbert, MFT, is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Los Angeles. She specializes in the treatment of high-conflict divorce, challenging children, adoption issues, and sex and love addiction. Her approach is active and solution-focussed: she helps clients create strategies to manage challenging problems so they can manage their lives. You can learn more about her at

Entries by Virginia Gilbert, MFT

Not Everyone Should Try to Consciously Co-Parent. Here's Why.

(9) Comments | Posted April 8, 2014 | 2:34 PM

Gwyneth Paltrow's widely-publicized mission to "consciously uncouple," followed by "conscious co-parenting," has ignited a conversation about what those terms mean, and how to practice them.

There is nothing new about either of these concepts, however. They are simply a re-branding of an amicable divorce model that mental health...

Read Post

5 Ways to Stay Sane When Your Ex Is Driving You Crazy

(31) Comments | Posted October 28, 2013 | 7:05 PM

"Karen" arrived for her first appointment with me, lugging an unwieldy duffel bag. She proceeded to unpack the last several years of her life, leafing through meticulously catalogued notebooks stuffed with court documents and correspondence between her and her ex.

She trembled, speaking rapid-fire as she alternated between recounting...

Read Post

What Therapists Don't Tell You About Divorcing A High-Conflict Personality

(70) Comments | Posted February 19, 2013 | 11:13 AM

Therapists are trained to help clients become self-aware and authentic. For people who grew up in invalidating environments, where they learned to suppress their feelings and needs in order to be accepted, therapy can be life-altering.

Competent therapists who provide a corrective emotional experience can make it possible for...

Read Post

Getting the Right Help for Troubled Teens

(1) Comments | Posted December 19, 2012 | 12:07 PM

In light of the recent Sandy Hook tragedy, early intervention and appropriate mental health treatment for troubled teens must become become accessible for everyone.

Note: For the sake of brevity, I use the pronoun "he" although the following also applies to girls.

A teenager is ragingly out of control. He...

Read Post

Getting Unhooked From Sexual Betrayal

(156) Comments | Posted December 18, 2012 | 2:15 AM

Note: While this article is primarily intended for women, men can also be drawn to women who sexually betray them. In addition, not all infidelity constitutes sex addiction.

Recently I received a phone call from a distraught woman, "Claire," who had read my HuffPost piece on whether or...

Read Post

You May Be Divorced, But You're Still a Family

(74) Comments | Posted August 3, 2012 | 12:15 PM

One of the most misguided concepts divorced couples with children have is that they will actually be able to get divorced. Even after the legal dissolution and remarriage, ex-spouses who have children together will always be those children's parents. Parenting decisions have to be made, schools and extracurriculars have to...

Read Post

Should You Divorce a Sex Addict?

(1240) Comments | Posted June 23, 2012 | 4:09 AM

"Stephanie" came to see me after discovering that her attorney husband "Sam" had been visiting prostitutes during his lunch hour. She learned this one night while up late with their sick toddler. Sam had forgotten to log out of his secret e-mail account, the one he used to schedule hook-ups...

Read Post

What to Do When Co-Parenting Doesn't Work

(154) Comments | Posted May 29, 2012 | 1:55 AM

In a good-enough divorce, exes work through feelings of anger, betrayal and loss and arrive at a place of acceptance. Frustrations over the other parent's values and choices are contained and pushed aside, making space for the Holy Grail of post-divorce life: effective co-parenting.

Co-parenting is possible only when both...

Read Post