What About the Daddies?

A lot has been made about the Democratic convention falling on the 88th anniversary of women getting the vote, the point supposedly being how far we've come. But throughout the Democratic convention and now in the discussion of Sarah Palin as VP candidate, everything else about these accomplished women takes a back (child) seat to their Motherhood, much as it would have in 1920.

First came Michelle Obama's convention speech, which basically went: "I'm a mommy, I love my kids, did I mention I'm a mommy, my kids are the center of my life, oh yeah, there were a few jobs, but mostly I really, really love my kids." It was a sad reminder of the career she gave up last year to audition for the role of First Lady. For her speech, Michelle Obama seemed to have been coached, Don't be too smart, don't be too successful, don't be an equal partner to your husband. This widely praised speech - culminating in the trotting-out of the physical proof, the daughters - seemed an announcement to the world of her own self-shrinking.

Was Michelle Obama responding to the invective heaped upon Hillary Rodham 16 years ago for her not-matching last name, her careless hair-do, her sarcastic remark about baking cookies? Hillary Rodham-now-Clinton also introduced herself at the convention, the very first thing, "as a mother," thereby minimizing the gains she's made as activist, author, Senator, candidate. Her public life has been a fascinating study in female palatability, and one of the things I like about her is that she's never gotten it right. Her ambition, her contentiousness, her tenacity all peek through her more popular guises of long-suffering wife and protective mother. I had thought she'd moved the creaky old construct of "First Lady" forward, that we as a country were starting to realize how ridiculous it is to parade these women before the nation to be judged on their beauty and grooming and deference - i.e., their performance as wife and mother. I had hoped my generation of politicos - the Obamas are around my age - would embody at least some of feminism's progress.

And then along comes another age peer - Sarah Palin, this terribly confusing mix of fierce warrior and meek helpmate. She runs a rugged frontier state, she stands up to porky politicians and oilmen (sort of), she eats the moose she kills with the guns she champions. But she's anti-choice and she too, puts her motherhood front and center in her identity. How could she not, she's got five kids, ranging from pregnant teen to special-needs infant. Her nomination has understandably stoked the Mommy Wars, with many who know how hard it is sensibly asking, "How is she going to be the Mom she says she is and be Vice President?"

And here's what strikes me in the swirl of conversation and commentary about their family (which is none of our business, but it's not like that's stopping us from opining). Why isn't anyone asking about the parenting of Todd Palin? He fishes sometimes and works on the pipeline sometimes, but how much does he parent? Couldn't he put the kids to bed and help them with their homework? I've seen women point out that nobody would ever ask a man if he could raise five children and be Vice President, but more to the point -- why can't Todd be Second Husband? His wife's career is obviously the more lucrative and challenging one in the family, so why aren't the collective busybody We even considering Todd as primary caregiver the solution to their parenting challenges? That this is not even on the radar seems astonishing in 2008. If good parenting is considered a crucial qualification for other political spouses, important enough for a hospital executive to give up her career, can't we ask it of a part-time fisherman?

Read more reaction from HuffPost bloggers to John McCain's selection of Sarah Palin as his running mate

Comments

[jim25]

This is misguided--we live in a political world and what Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton had to do was play politics. Michelle Obama's reputation was under attack with the constant "angry black woman" charges. Hillary Clinton also had to "humanize" herself against charges of coldness and calculation. Sorry, but we don't live in a post-feminist world. People still judge women different and on the national stage you have to play it smart. Saying you're a mother doesn't minimize everything else you've done--Hillary spent the rest of the speech talking about just that. It's a strategy for people to see you as a real person instead of as the demon their opponents try to paint them to be.

Also, re: Palin's family is "none of our business." In the slanderfest that is politics, people often use and twist family background around as a way to hurt someone's reputation. Or help it (i.e., Joe Biden raising his sons after his wife was killed.) Happens all the time, lowest-common denominator politics. Not a surprise at all.

[ManhattanRat]

I think it would be great if Todd Palin would be presented as a househusband. But with 5 kids, I see a team of nannies in tow. One man, nor one woman alone cannot raise, dress, bathe, care for, and educate 5 kids, including one Down baby who needs round-the-clock care. It's not about whether Sarah Palin is a woman or a mom, it's about whether any human, can have two demanding 24-hour a day jobs - VP and family.

I think that since her own daughter is pregnant, people are right to ask what kind of a mom she is, because as a religious nut, she believes sex ed should be taught at home, yet she failed in that very department. She did not teach her children about sex, most likely because like most people, she found it embarrassing to discuss penises and vaginas and orgasms with her own children. Perhaps, if Sarah is too busy as governor, the task of sex ed fell on her husband Todd, then he, too, did a disgraceful job teaching it to his kids.

Why can't sex ed can't be an elective course at all schools? Paranoid parents can opt their children out to wait in a study hall. But they should not have the ability to take the freedom of learning away from other kids. Republicans do not believe in freedom of religion, education, or anything else.

[AceWild]

As long as fathers are marginalized in the media and divorce court judicial system men won't be seen as equal bearers of parenting

Here is an idea start by respecting fathers !

[Diogenis]

Thank you for that comment Ace. I am one of many that have been marginalized by the Divorce Court Judicial System. The accusatory ..."Dead Beat Dad" syndrome is perhaps the most painful part of the process. Fathers need to stand up for their rights as "Dads", and yet...their is a bias today that is repulsive.

[OnTheCusp]

Start by being respectable, responsibel, THERE for you fathers and people will trust you with children. Duh!

[mamacat]

I am not concerned, as a political issue, over how Palin's children will be raised.

I am concerned about what in the world makes this person even the tiniest, remotest bit qualified to be my president? This choice says to me that John McCain has gone crazy, that he has lost his senses, and also that he is unqualified to be president.

If McCain thinks this person is qualified to run our country, I can only cower in fear to think of who he would choose to be Secretary of State, Ambassador to the U.N., Secretary of Defence, or any other position requiring the person chosen to have responsibility over millions of people's lives. Is it now going to be part of the Republican platform that no one is allowed to go onto the national stage who has any qualifying experience?

I keep hoping that I will wake up, and this whole Palin fiasco will have been a very bad dream. But, instead, I am constantly reminded of how far out into the right-field muck the GOP has gotten themselves stuck. They are all atwitter about giving their Republican base pleasure through this extemist choice, but are doing nothing about satisfying the needs of the great majority of Americans, who want people from the middle of the political spectrum to be our leaders.

[zedthewizard]

he's an evangelical. he not supposed to do what your saying. what a statement it would be if sarah said, "it's just me today. todd is in with our child so we don't make a slave of our other child."

[Micah616]

"Why isn't anyone asking about the parenting of Todd Palin?"

Because most people, men and women, would laugh at the proposition that men are good and responsible caregivers. I'm not saying that I agree with that, but you all know what I'm talking about.