Amazing how the face of one beautiful woman can set off a firestorm, igniting a torrent of emotions far beyond simply "has she or hasn't she?" Welcome to what I call the "Beauty Paradox."
Ashley Judd's recent response to the media frenzy regarding her "puffy face" was as intriguing to me as the thousands of comments that her allegedly altered appearance provoked. As a psychologist who writes about women in contemporary culture, I heard her very public angry reaction (as well as the "nasty, vitriolic" comments that started it all) -- as more complicated than meets the eye.
In an interview on NBC's Rock Center, Judd attributed her puffiness to steroids, prescribed to treat an unyielding sinus infection. She described how women like her can't win; they are accused of having 'work' done when they look good and criticized when they don't. She said she had enough of what she called a "pointedly nasty, gendered and misogynistic" conversation about femininity in our culture. Exasperated by what she described as "incessant," and "physical objectification," she pleaded with women to stop being their own worst enemies.
But was her outrage just about being misperceived? Doth she protest too much -- is she possibly ashamed? If not of herself, then of her peers? Maybe even afraid of being caught? As for those rising to judgment, what do women really feel when celebs today get 'work' done -- or choose not to? Curiosity? Disappointment? How do women feel when they don't have the same cosmetic choices as celebs do? Longing? Envy? Perhaps we also protest too much?
This is not the first time a female celebrity has been outspoken about the negativity provoked by being in the public eye. Kate Winslet, Rachel Weisz and Emma Thompson took a stand against their images being overly photoshopped. Eager to separate themselves from those more than willing to have their wrinkles and age spots airbrushed away, they started a movement called the "Anti-Cosmetic Surgery League." While many supporters agreed -- digital alteration had gone too far -- it created strong and mixed reactions. Some said that only young and beautiful women could afford to take such a stand. Cynics were convinced these celebs would have a change of heart as they aged in front of the camera. And there were many on the other side of the camera who were not convinced that people used to seeing beauty as perfection in the media would be receptive to the idea.
Remember how the blogosphere was filled with mixed emotions when Jane Fonda confessed to another round of plastic surgery a couple of years ago? That ambivalence was felt by the actress as well. On her own blog she wrote, "I got tired of not looking like how I feel," and admitted, "I wish I'd been brave enough not to do anything." Fonda had sworn off more such alterations, but clearly her resolve wore down as she exclaimed "Jowels Away!" Far from feeling victorious, Fonda's means of dealing with looking older seemed to evoke feelings of failure. In her biography, "The Private Life of a Public Woman," her five decades of struggle for success are described as a mirror for the complicated feelings facing a generation of women.
Anger, surprise and more were felt when Rush Limbaugh once touched on the topic of Hillary Clinton's looks on his radio show. During her run for the Democratic presidential nomination, Limbaugh asked, "Will Americans want to watch a woman get older before their eyes on a daily basis?" The comment incensed those who questioned how far we had really come if being fit for office required a youthful appearance. On the other hand, many wondered if Limbaugh had a point. Would our media-driven political world be more focused on her aging process than her policies? We saw how things worked in the opposite direction when Sarah Palin was nominated -- some believing her youthful good looks kept her in the race longer than many believed was deserved.
And how comfortable would Clinton have been had she actually made it to presidency? Many wonder how she deals with that scrutiny now. Not even the Secretary of State is immune to the feelings provoked by constantly being in the public eye. Comments about her face, hair and clothes are non-stop. In "Waiting for Dr. Hoffman" a play by Michele Willens, a character awaiting a face lift says, "Every time I see Hillary, I think how much better she would look if she had some work done. Only then do I think what a great job she's done." Hearts go out to Clinton as she bears not only the burden of wars waged against unfriendly nations, but the one she wages against our beauty obsessed society.
Yet, how would we really feel if Hillary decided to experiment with a nip and tuck during a break from her worldly duties? Or if we found out that Michelle Obama routinely used botox to keep her skin looking smooth. What if Meryl Streep revealed that she had her eyes lifted -- the surgical procedure her character fled from in "It's Complicated." Would we be disappointed? Surprised? Angry? Or resigned, as in "sure, just like the home runs hit by those men on steroids." Being in the public eye means these complicated questions will be raised.
Take the admission by British actress Helen Mirren, who openly shared her thoughts about going under the knife. She said, "if I wasn't on camera, I would have done it years ago, I'd think about it even more if I was in a different profession... it's the full-on for me. Suck it all up, tie it up and cut it all off." Women all around the world had strong emotional responses. Some were relieved -- even Helen thinks about cosmetic surgery! Some were disappointed -- no, not her too! Many thought that her very consideration had let down an entire generation of women hoping she would be one of the last holdouts.
So this is my point. If you choose to be in the public eye, as does Judd, you chose to reflect the complicated feelings that lie behind those many eyes. Judd called it a double bind. I call it the "Beauty Paradox" and it is wreaking havoc not just among celebrities, but with everyday women as well.
We are a generation brought up to be true to ourselves and to be proud of our accumulated years of experience. Yet we're encouraged to hide those years when they show up on our faces. On one hand, we criticize those who choose surgical intervention, often dismissing them as weak and inauthentic, as if they have personally betrayed the lofty goals we worked so hard to achieve. As a culture, we have begun to applaud those who go 'au-natural,' even root for them as they struggle against pressures to look young and perfect. On the other hand, it's this very same culture that sends the opposite message; be authentic and you risk losing your job, your mate or even worse, you may become invisible! It's a catch 22.
The fact is, being a woman in today's youth and beauty obsessed culture is challenging. We need to allow ourselves -- as well as those in the public eye -- to come to terms with it all in our own way. With a little less criticism, judgment, shame and disappointment, we could make the journey easier on us all, turning a no-win situation, into one where we feel victorious simply for dealing openly and honestly with a complicated cultural phenomenon.
What do you think about the double bind women face today? Do you see a way out of it?
For more information, please visit my website at www.VivianDiller.com and continue the conversation on Twitter at DrVDiller.
Follow Vivian Diller, Ph.D. on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DrVDiller
I do blame the media, though, for glorifying youth and beauty too much. We are such a shallow culture. This same media should use middle-aged men and women more, particularly women, because of our buying power and sheer numbers if nothing else. Ever notice how most tv shows use the fewest middle-aged characters they can get away with? Both men and women are invisible in the culture after, say, age 55 imo.
I am 59 but look years younger due to subtle plastic surgery. I got the bulk of it in my forties for career reasons, not vanity. You do get hooked on the attention you get from males, I will admit that. But women are just as hard on other women as men, harder actually.
PS Imo Hilary should get plastic surgery if she wants it at this point. Studies show we DO base our voting on image/looks! She has more than proven her intellect, ability.
Thus we have created a commercial norm that every young woman will eventually outgrow.
Women that have made their beauty their primary commodity during their youth will suffer most from aging. Whether beautiful or not, women that develop as human beings rather than as beautiful beings will always have a more fulfilling life.
As I look back at age 65 I don't necessarily remember the beautiful women. I remember the kind, sensual, intelligent, loving women I have known. A gentle, loving spirit combined with intelligence is what keeps a man that merits being kept by a real woman.
My grandma used to say to my kid sister: "As you see yourself now, so I once saw myself. As you see me now, so will you see yourself in the future."
And last but not least: From a well lived man's point of view, sensuality and attractiveness has little to do with prettiness...
WANT TO BOTOX THAT SOMEDAY, TO HELP THAT GOD AWEFUL CREASE AND IT HELPS WITH HEADACHES I HEAR. ITS SO HARD BEING A WOMAN AFTER 40 INTO 50 AND ON FOR KEEPING YOUR FIGURE AND LOOKS. I , MYSELF AM VERY VAIN ABOUT IT AND BEING HONEST. I DYE MY HAIR A BEAUTIFUL DEEP CRUSHED MAHOGANY RED, MYSELF, BEEN CUTTING MYSELF FOR YRS, HAD 5 HAIRCUTS FROM A HAIRDRESSER MY WHOLE LIFE, I ALSO HAVE HAVE A HAIRDRESSER LIC SINCE 1994.
NOT IN THE BIZ NOMORE BECAUSE OF HEALTH ISSUES ONE BEING SEVERE BACK PAIN AND FIBROMYALGIA THATS WHY I TYPE IN CAPS, PLEASE FORGIVE, EYESIGHT.
BUT GETTING BACK TO LOOKING GOOD, I AM CONSTANTLY FUSSING WHEN I GO OUT , EVEN IF ITS TO THE CORNER STORE, MAKE-UP HAIR , I LIVE LIP LINER AND LIPSTICK AND SHAPING SEXY LIPS. I AM MARRIED, SECOND HUBBY NOW, HE COULD GIVE A SHIT IF I WEAR MAKE-UP OR NOT. IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY WHEN A MAN PAYS ME A COMPLIMENT WHEN I AM OUT, A WHISTLE , A COMMENT ON HOW NICE I LOOK, IT MAKES ME FEEL SO YOUNG!
I HAVE ALWAYS LIKED THE ATTENTION OF MEN IN ALL AGE GROUPS NO MATTER HOW OLD I WAS MARRIED OR NOT. I HAVE NOTICED THAT IF I KEEP MY WEIGHT DOWN MY FACE IS NICE AND TIGHT, WEIGHT IS ALWAYS AND ISSUE. I HATE IT. I AM CONSTANTLY MOVEING TOO. I DO TOO MUCH EVERYDAY ACTUALLY AND ALWAYS IN PAIN. BUT SITTING DOWN AND WHINING, NOT MY THING. MOVEING IS BETTER.
WHAT BUGS ME IS WHEN I SEE A WOMEN MY AGE WHO DOESNT GIVE A SHIT ON HOW SHE LOOKS?
WHY DO SOME WOMEN DONT CARE???? I COULD NEVER BE LIKE THAT AND THIS IS WHY MY HUBBY SAYS I AM VAIN, WELL I GUESS I AM. I AM ALSO AQAURIAN AND HAVE NOTICED A LOT OF WOMEN UNDER MY SIGN ARE ALWAYS MADE UP. SO MAYBE ITS A SIGN THING TO TO CONSIDER. I WOULD LOVE SOME FEEDBACK AND NOT TRYING TO BE MEAN IN ANYWAY OR OFFEND ANYONE. ITS AN OPPINION. I THINK ALL WOMEN SHOULD LOOKS THEIR BEST AT ALL TIMES TO KEEP THIER ESTEEM UP, HEALTH UP AND HUBBY'S FOCASED ON THEM........MINE COULD CARE LESS! HE USED TO LIKE IT, WHEN WE WERE DATEING.............^j^
More importantly, women need to support and respect one another, whatever our choices.