Bullying in on the minds of many and is a serious concern with lasting impact. We generally think of it as a psychological issue, but now it seems it has become a physical one, as well.
In an attempt to address this troublesome trend, the nonprofit organization Little Baby Face Foundation has gotten involved. Its mission is to provide free surgical repair to young children born with facial deformities (many of whom would otherwise be unable to afford these cosmetic procedures), giving them the "baby face" they deserve. Although it may have good intentions, what does it say when a charity like this offers its services to young teens seeking to avoid bullying? It seems to me that it fosters its own troublesome trend.
According to CNN reporter Sanjay Gupta, a young girl named Nadia Ilsa was called "Dumbo" for years growing up and was tired of being made fun of by her peers. She had what she described in her own words as "elephant ears" and, since the age of 10, had begged her mother for an operation to pin them back.
Her wish was granted by the Little Baby Face Foundation. Not only did the organization's founder, Dr. Thomas Romo, do work on her ears (otoplasty) but he suggested that her nose be reduced (rhinoplasty) and her chin be altered (mentoplasty) to achieve the best results. Nadia, although previously unaware that her other facial features needed correcting, eagerly followed Dr. Romo's recommendation and had all three procedures done. She just wanted to feel better about herself and was willing to do almost anything to avoid further emotional pain. Nadia, currently age 14, was shown her before-and-after photos and told CNN, "I look beautiful. This is exactly what I wanted. I love it." She felt that the post-surgical physical pain was well worth the transformation she experienced.
For that young girl, it was a dream come true; a little nip and tuck and an unhappy, awkward teen was magically transformed into a beautiful swan. But what are we really saying here? Should victims of teasing bear the brunt of their bullying peers by making the transformations needed to avoid being tormented? Do we encourage our children to seek "normalcy" by going under the knife to achieve culturally deemed acceptable features, rather than teach kids to love themselves?
If requests for pinned-back ears or reduced noses are met (whether by a foundation or a private surgeon), what happens when our young teens want other features altered: larger eyes, higher cheekbones, bigger breasts, smaller waists, or longer legs? It seems like a slippery slope that is all too familiar to older men and women lining up in their plastic surgeon's offices for anti-aging procedures sought to keep them from losing face in our youth-obsessed culture.
The number of American teens receiving surgery in general is on a steep rise. According to American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS), nearly 219,000 cosmetic surgeries were performed on people age 13 to 19 in 2010. More and more are seeking procedures upon graduating from high school so that they begin their college years with a fresh "look." No one will know them in their new environment, so no explanations are required for their altered looks. They believe these back-to-school surgical procedures will give them a leg up on social success and improve their self-esteem. These are troubling statistics, but using this solution to help victims of bullying is even more so.
My thought is that charities like Little Baby Face need to be reserved for children with serious facial deformities -- those born with genetic defects, like cleft palates, or kids who endure facial disfigurement as a result of trauma. Giving these children the opportunity to start life with a greater chance to be woven into society is different from standardizing the heterogeneity that is inherent in being human. There's a line to be drawn, and to me it's a pretty clear one.
A solution to bullying that involves surgical procedures (which have their own set of physical risks that few talk about) is a terrible message to give both bullies and their victims. Do we really think that changing physical features undoes the emotional damage created by being teased? And aren't we validating the very message behind bullies' actions, that diversity and variation is bad? We need to be encouraging young people to admire and embrace differences -- and that starts from an early age.
What do you think about teenage cosmetic surgery? Is it a potential solution for bullied kids or a dangerous trend?
Vivian Diller, Ph.D., is a psychologist in private practice in New York City. She serves as a media expert on various psychological topics and as a consultant to companies promoting health, beauty, and cosmetic products. Her book Face It: What Women Really Feel As Their Looks Change (2010), edited by Michele Willens, is a psychological guide to help women deal with the emotions brought on by their changing appearances.
For more information, please visit her website at VivianDiller.com, and continue the conversation on Twitter: @DrVDiller.
Follow Vivian Diller, Ph.D. on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DrVDiller
I kept them as they were till recently when I had a problem with two other teeth and a partial was called for anyway. We all should embrace our individuality in this time of marketing driven beauty. At 61 I am happy to have earned the lines that are starting to appear. I don't want to look 50 when I'm 80 but will continue to embrace life no matter how much longer.
And although I'm not proud of it, for I moment I entertained the thought that what REALLY should be offered is surgery to remove the bullies' tongues.
It's particularly disturbing that not only did a charity set up for disfigured children label her as such, but the doctor then found further flaws to correct.
It's also instructive to look up some pics of Kate Hudson (there are many other examples)- google Kate Hudson's ears if you want a surprise. There are also photos from her extreme youth which would lead no one to suppose that she would become an even mildly unattractive adult.
Until you accomplish that miracle, get off the girl's back. Again, the focus of blame needs to be on the bullies, not the girl.
I am sympathetic to the young woman. When I saw her "before" I saw an interesting "difference" that set her apart in what I believe was a charming way. But I did not have to live that difference. I defer to her feelings, and I am happy that she is happy.
Yes, we all know it would be more fair if appearance didn't matter-but the fact remains it does. And if plastic surgery can change that outcome for someone, I'm all for it. If I had the money, I'd be the first in line. I almost did but then had some injuries that preventing me from doing my "feminizing make-over". And I too have argued, "Why is it okay for someone to work out to lose weight and look better, or buy pretty cloths to appear attractive, or, yes, even make-up which essentially is trying to achieve what plastic surgery does but permanently-but it's not okay to do it if involves surgery? All these things you and I have mentioned try to achieve the same effect-to improve one's appearance so we have more choice in life and get better responses from those around us.
Fortunately, many excellent hospitals have low cost programs in which plastic surgery residents do cosmetic surgery under the supervision of attending physicians, some of whom are quite eminent in the field.
I think that young children who learn to cope with a challenge by fixing the problem have learned a valuable lesson.
A friend of mine is a teacher and is one of the only people I know that is aware that this problem occurs in those without empathy for others. She's been trying for years to instill it in her students. But the last I spoke with her, she reluctantly said she wasn't really having any success in trying to so.
Well for starters, "we" have no legitimate right to draw any lines that limit the voluntary choices of individuals.
Where minors are concerned the community does assert some authority to prevent crimes being committed by the parent against the child. But in most respects the state defers to the judgment of the parents on important choices in the child's life. Why should this change?
I have a hard time imagining any scenario where the community could legitimately claim a right to prevent a surgery intended to improve the life of the recipient. Maybe if somebody was going absolutely over the top with serial surgery on their child to transform them into a celebrity? Ok, I can see that maybe calling for an intervention, but not much less than that.
If you're bullied with words; fight back with words. If you're bullied with violence, make them rue the day they ever touched you. You can't make anyone like you, but you can teach them to respect you.