How do you respond when asked, "Who is your role model?"
I find most women suggest a well-known figure -- their favorite actor, a gifted musician or beloved author. Sometimes, it's a woman who has broken a glass ceiling -- Arianna Huffington, Sheryl Sandberg or Meg Whitman come to mind -- or a political figure that has power and influence, like Hillary Clinton or Michelle Obama.
While it's one thing to admire smart, strong and talented women, it's another when these icons do something out of the ordinary that is ultimately inspiring.
Which is just what happened last week, when Wisconsin TV anchor Jennifer Livingston offered a gutsy, public response to a letter she received criticizing her appearance. The note, written by a Wisconsin lawyer and posted on social media by Livingston's husband, said, "I was surprised indeed to witness that your physical condition hasn't improved for many years." The viewer suggested that the anchor was not a "suitable example" for young girls, going on to say, "I leave you this note hoping that you'll reconsider your responsibility as a local public personality to present and promote a healthy lifestyle."
After a great deal of online attention, Livingston decided to go on air to respond. She said "The truth is, I am overweight, but to the person who wrote me that letter, do you think I don't know that? That your cruel words are pointing out something that I don't see? You don't know me... so you know nothing about me but what you see on the outside and I am much more than a number on a scale." In speaking out, this competent, confident -- and yes, attractive -- anchor endeared herself not only to others who fight their weight battles, but to younger generations of those bullied for any number of reasons.
Not long ago, actress Ashley Judd drew similar admiration when she spoke out against the physical objectification of women. She fended off cruel, incessant rumors about her "puffy face," attributing the swelling to prescription steroids, not the plastic surgery she was viciously accused of hiding. On NBC's Rock Center, she described how women are persecuted for having 'work' done if they look good and criticized if they don't. She pleaded with women to stop being their own worst enemies and many -- including non-celebrities -- supported her efforts to get women to be more supportive of one another.
There are others speaking out against the pressures placed by our youth and beauty culture. Lady Gaga used her celebrity status to turn hurtful gossip about her recent weight gain into a rallying cry, encouraging women to join her in going public with their 'less than perfect' bodies. She posted pictures of herself in her underwear -- without her typical wigs, costumes or makeup -- to send a message to the media to stop their bullying. She invited fans of all sizes, weight and shapes to post photos of themselves "as they really are," calling for a "Body Revolution." She got over 30 million women tweeting about it and wrote, "Watching you all create a safe space online for people to be compassionate is the greatest gift you could ever give me. My weight/loss/gain since I was child has tormented me. No amount of help has ever healed my pain about it. But YOU have." While the image of Lady Gaga may be tough to model, her compassion and courage are not.
Oprah is another public figure who has inspired others by how she dealt with being on the receiving end of wildly mixed responses about her weight gain and loss. While her fans have cheered her ever-reducing size, they also claimed to love her, large or small. She now talks about feeling glad that she can focus on other aspects of herself that matter more. On Oprah.com, she wrote, "I think of all the years I've wasted hating myself fat, wanting myself thin... abhorring the thought of trying on clothes, wondering what was going to fit, what number the scale would say. All that energy I could have spent loving what is." Oprah, courageous in many ways, has handled herself beautifully on the body image roller coaster she has ridden for years.
Oprah may very well be a role model for Grammy Award winner Adele, who openly takes pride in who she is as a larger, plus-size woman. She advises young women, "the first thing to do is be happy with yourself and appreciate your body -- only then should you try to change things about yourself." Meanwhile, Jennifer Hudson, another talented and once full-bodied singer, has taken a different path in her life under scrutiny. Transforming herself from curvaceous to lithe, her fans now "ooh" and "ah" not only about her voice, but her glamorous physique and hard work in getting there. Time will tell how these two young women deal with the scrutiny over their bodies and if they will ultimately serve as role models for the women who now admire them.
There are two new females coming into the public eye -- Lena Dunham on HBO's Girls and Mindy Kaling on Fox's The Mindy Project -- who may be showing us the new place role models will hold in women's lives. These are not your traditional television starlets, and their shows are refreshingly not about beauty and perfection. If anything, Durham calls attention to her unadorned physical qualities by putting herself in more than a few gritty, unflattering nude scenes. And in Kaling's show, when a co-worker tells her she needs to lose weight, she acts truly stunned -- almost flaunting her less-than-petite size curves -- reminiscent of other proud women like Serena Williams, the tennis titan whose beautiful, strong body was featured on a recent cover of the New York Times.
So what does it mean to be a good female role model in contemporary culture? Besides the obvious -- being smart, powerful, strong and independent -- is it the woman who transforms herself, gets into shape and loses weight? Or the one who rebels, avoids the fuss and doesn't care? Is it the aging woman who has the courage to admit to cosmetic surgery or the one who resists?
Perhaps the answer lies in the admiration for those who stand firm and strong about what they believe is good and right for them -- rather than succumbing to the opinions of others. And maybe it's time to realize that role models come in different sizes and shapes.
Who is your role model and why?
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When it comes to women, the fact that we continue to "aspire" based on appearance is distressing. I don't see it changing any time soon. I wonder when we'll emulate and appreciate those whose lives and actions and words are about character, accomplishments, brains, humor, kindness, courage, creativity, giving back - regardless of what size or shape they are.
As a man, in real life I can't think of hardly any women role models, period, sorry, neither for myself or others, without major caveats. I could list partial attributes of a few, but there are always other problems. Based on the few esponses so far, it would seem women agree. Hilary Clinton is listed, but people forget, I guess.
Like some of the previous commentors, I believe we should concentrate less on weight and more on healthy eating and exercise patterns. Some of us will always be bigger than others, no matter what. But eating healthy and exercising fends off diabetes, cancer and a whole host of illnesses.
I applaud Jennifere Livingston, Ashley Judd, Lady GaGa and Oprah for their bold responses. It is true that if you need to learn to love yourself at any weight to be happy.
Why I wonder? Was Obama just way cool? Was it because Hillary was dumpy, and short and older?
Whatever the reason, I really get tired of women wrapping themselves in victimization when the fact is, it's women who are their own worst enemies.
I had sons but if I had a daughter, I would have taught her to reject the message of victimization preached and embraced by women. I would teach her that having breast cancer or being a rape victim is not heroic but only tragic. I would teach her that accomplishing something and being strong and fighting square up is heroic and brave. I would tell her that being a victim is not something to aspire to and that being tough is how she would survive because while women preach victimization, the world rejects it.
People like and respect strength so as long as women are embracing victimization for everything from their weight to breast cancer, they will always be fighting for credibility in the world at large.
It's interesting that none of your examples proffered a male as a role model. For all that women claim to revile sexism, they sure seem to participate a lot.
Still, I suppose it's important that our girls have realistic goals, so they might properly aspire to be an actress or a fashion model like their mothers were, rather than actually contribute to society.
There was nothing bullying in the letter that TV anchor received. It was an objective assessment of the possible impact that obesity of a public figure might have on her viewers, implying that obesity is OK. Playing the victim won't make her obesity go away. It is a pathological condition which in this day and age has many treatment options available. Of course, if you care about yourself and your loved ones.
Do you walk up to people smoking and tell them to stop?
Do you note the telltale signs of people with anorexia, bulimia and obsessive exercise and chastise them properly?
Do you watch how much everyone around you is drinking and limit what they drink?
Do you send alcoholics and drug addicts to the police?
Do you take the saltshaker away from people?
Do you go around putting helmets on everyone engaged in sports?
Do you cut off drivers who are speeding in order to avoid their causing accidents?
Do you tell people glued to their cellphones or ipads to turn them off and go outside, you're ruining your eyes?
Do you go through people's bathroom cabinets to ensure they aren't taking too many painkillers, antidepressants or OTC medicines?
Do you confront women who are pregnant yet are eating sushi, drinking wine and/or smoking?
Do you yell at kids who eat too much sugar?
Please. The only reason larger people are being confronted is from a sense of false superiority by the attacker. This is an educated, healthy woman who is working productively. She has insurance and is probably in better shape than you are. The lab numbers and genetics are FAR more important than poorly-gathered and interpreted statistics.
a woman who looks like herself without a "transformation" is no longer considered "unflattering" is when I'll start admiring women.
http://youtu.be/BOYcM1z5fTs
This doesn't mean that the person isn't fit or doesn't take care of or respect herself. It just means that she is who she is for herself and no one else. She doesn't live for other people -- although she enjoys and loves other people. In the end, that's what's important -- no matter what she does, how old she is, or what she looks like.
Anyone who steps-up to make the changes they KNOW they need to make - FOR THEMSELVES - ONLY for their evolution - stand the chance of being a long-term role model.
Those who make changes for anyone or anything else = formula for martyrdom.
Blessings to all who chose to be the change they wish to see in their life!
Seeing size 0 supermodels as role models is just as silly as seeing Adele as a role model just because she is content with her extra weight. Both extremes are unhealthy so neither of them should be encouraged. As a female who weight trains a couple of times a week I have role models such as Jamie Eason, Erin Stern (fitness models) etc. I realize that I'll never have a low body fat like them but I'm ok with getting something closer to that kind of shape. The thing is they're not my only role models, they're my "body" role models. I also see Rachel Maddow and Marissa Mayer (CEO of Yahoo) as role models.
So yes I can say that my role models come in all different sizes and shapes but if someone is overweight I may still be a fan of her because of her singing talent not because she is too arrogant to lose weight.
"is it the woman who transforms herself, gets into shape and loses weight? Or the one who rebels, avoids the fuss and doesn't care?"
I'll take the first. Taking care of your body shows you respect yourself.