Why We Like Cheating in Baseball

"So long as there might be potential cheaters in the game, we have to constantly update what we do to catch them. And that's exactly what I intend to do. We will not rest." -- Commissioner Bud Selig, as reported in today's New York Times

Forgive me. Why on earth should anyone trust what Bud Selig says about drugs in baseball? When PEDs were juicing MLB's balance sheets, he colluded with Player's Union Executive Director Don Fehr to block a serious drug-testing program for years. He apparently didn't much care as George Mitchell's investigation dragged on with almost nothing to show until Kirk Radomsky fell into Mitchell's lap.

But here Selig is the real voice of most baseball fans, most of whom, most of the time, could not care less about the drug habits of their favorite players--as long as they're winning, that is. Since when has cheating bothered us fans? Announcers use the term all the time to mean something positive. "See Jeter cheating toward second base?" (Implication: "If he can get away with it--meaning if the batter doesn't hit the ball in the larger hole between 3rd and short--more power to him!")

What about the ancient tradition of sign-stealing? Has anyone suggested putting an asterisk next to Bobby Thompson's "home run heard round the world"--even though it turns out that the Giants had a telescope installed in their centerfield fence to steal signs from opposing catchers, and Thompson may have known just what pitch Ralph Branca was throwing as he hit the most famous home run of 20th century?

And what about Hall of Famer Mike "King" Kelly, the most beloved player of the late 19th century, who used to cut from first to third right across the diamond (out of view of the two umpires) whenever he could? Or groundskeepers who let the grass grow higher close to the mound to help a good home-team bunter? Or club owners who sign a left-handed slugger and move in the right field fence a few feet?

Spitballs are dangerous pitches that can really hurt a hitter, which is why they are illegal, but how many calls have you heard lately to kick Gaylord Perry out of the Hall of Fame. His autobiography, you may recall, is entitled Me and the Spitter.

Personally, I prefer the baseball tradition in which players and owners use whatever they've got (or can buy) to win games, and don't make any bones about it. Given the material rewards for outstanding performance in professional sports, I just don't see any way to stop the use of, or search for less detectable, PEDs.

The report does make for great gossip, however, and I do derive a certain grim pleasure, I from seeing the Andy Pettittes of the world, who make a big deal of their evangelical morals--His book is entitled Strike Zone: Targeting a Life of Integrity and Purity--get truly hung out to dry.

Comments

[larry278]

Bud Selig is aware of the late Steve Allen's send up of Grantland Rice, "Win if you can. Lose if you must. But always cheat."; isn't he? So are the lords of baseball, baseball players & Sen Mitchell. Adopting aluminum bats won't happen. You can't cork a metal bat. Baseball is bent upon honoring the games traditions unless it reduces baseball's profits.

[dragbunt]

Isn't it time someone tasked Hank Aaron (or someone like him) to investigate the cheating that's gone on in political elections over the last 8 years?

[dgscol]

Why didn't Selig approve of the superball? It seems silly to me that he forced these players to take steroids instead. What is left? They will have to do drug testing, and thy will probably end up using the superball anyway !

This is unfair because only the players that took steroids had or continue to have an advantage.

[davedave]

sports is what you do.

entertainment is what you watch.

midgets gotta wrestle, american's gladiators gotta make a comeback, cocks gotta fight, baseball's gotta juke, and birds gotta fly.

turn off the box, get off your couch and take a walk, ride a bike, shoot some hoops.

quit whining about the purity of the entertainment---its Hollywooooo!-da da da da da da Hollywood.....

d

[vbond]

What would you do if metaphorical thunderbolts were being hurled - at almost one hundred miles an hour - inches from your head?

And your only "defense" was to strike back at the very bolt, with a tiny "shield" that connected less than half the time?

Would you do just about anything to get every advantage that you could?

Yes you would... I would... we all would... and do.

Baseball - and cricket too - are metaphors for what we all do every second of the day.

Cheat...

Death.

[darker]

Yes, we like CHEATING!
And killing, torturing and being frat-brats.
THAT'S AMERICA!
We have the G.lobal W.arming BUSH frat-brat "government" [HAHAHAHAHAAAAA......HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.....HAH HAH HAH HAHAAAAAAAAAAA....]
that we so "richly" deserve [hee, hee, hee!].

We want a nanny state for the rich, the corrupt and corporate welfare queens. And we want to PAY FOR IT, too!

C'mon, middle-America get your check-books and pay, pay, pay! Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaa...

[dragbunt]

Warren - you are absolutely right. I have been writing columns and blogs about this for years. Baseball is about cheating. The batter ducking a little to influence a ball/strike call - an outfielder diving for a low line drive and holding his glove up to indicate a catch when he trapped the ball - It is the sport that invented the phrase "if you aint cheatin, you aint tryin" -

However, as much as I hate the holier than thou players I really don't get any pleasure from seeing their names dragged through the mud. There isn't anyone more hateable than Roger and I've been waiting patiently for old man Karma to catch up with him. However, I would have much preferred a fastball to the head from Zumaya than this. This is liking nailing Pol Pot with DUI.

Feeling good about Andy getting caught up in it is definitely your perogative - But this whole witch hunt is so cynical and totally full of shit that it overrides our petty little bugaboos (even mine) we have about the players who make us want to throw up.

[gregkitchen]

Baseball is phony now.

[Vanna]

We not only like cheaters, but we like killers and sharks and players. We like Dirty Harry. We like Jack Bauer.

[Henry]

I think baseball more epitomizes the American life than we'd care to admit. Think there is any insider trading going on in the stock market?

[hopeless277]

Oh, I know. Everyone loves a cheater. Look how many people voted for Bush in 2004! And IMHO, the earlier they start cheating the better. Why not start them in Pee Wee league? Imaging a 5 year old with the head of an adult. Better yet, make cheating mandatory. Give extra points for the best cheater. As for drugs, I say make them mandatory also. I doubt if the international community would like it but hell, they know Americans cheat so they can't say they didn't. And in academics, cheating could become it's own field of study. I think Der Karl is free, he could write the textbook. Anyway, back to baseball, yes, allow cheating of every kind. Loaded bats, dead balls, rigged fields, the whole sheebang. I mean really, if we're going to market liquor to children at the ball parks, we may as well market cheating. After all, it's the American way.