It's ridiculous! First the accelerator sticks and now the brakes don't work. Enough with the hollow apologies and hokey whoopsie-doo-baby-made-a boom-boom commercials, alright? We expect more. We didn't collectively kill our auto industry for shoddy workmanship and unreliability. If we wanted that...

Why have Desmond and...

PETA demanded this week that the organizers of Pennsylvania's Groundhog Day festival replace Punxsutawney Phil with a robotic stand-in.

A disgruntled Phil has steadfastly refused to abdicate his position and be replaced by what he calls...

The end is nigh. Watching Bill Kristol's Eliza Do-nothing struggle to dress up her red-meat-tea-party talking points in snarkily delivered, barely comprehensible, pseudo-intellectual jargon on Fox News, as she is coaxed by Bill O'Righty like an over-eager poodle pup...

1. Buggy Boy: Lancaster's own little Amish 5-year-old Jebediah Junior's alleged romp with a cart full of freshly packed pickled preserves ending in a bone-rattling crash into Elder Silas's windmill. Turns out, the boy was alive and well and hiding in...

So it seems that Starbucks, the U.S. brewing behemoth, has decided to hawk an upscale version of Folger's Crystals (currently gathering dust at the back of your out-of-touch nattering Nana's pantry), but don't...

Jerome Corsi (author of NY Times bestseller's The Obama Nation, Unfit for Command and the lesser known Kucinich: Satanic Vegan Fetus Molester) recently gave the former Alaskan governess a glimpse of his latest magnum opus revealing that the sleeper hit of the summer is not merely a Hollywood rags-to-riches...

Well, it appears Old Man Potter's progeny didn't fall far from the gnarled, twisted tree, as America bore witness to Liz Cheney unfurling her writhing power-hungry roots on Larry King, burrowing deep beneath the dirt filled with assorted creepy crawlies to feed her political prospects.

She's no dead fishy, folks! Though many are questioning her status as a vertebrate due to her lack of spine shown by not finishing what she started in the Land of the Midnight Sun. No, this live barracuda refuses to go with the flow--the path of...

Like grandfather, like granddaughter, I guess. As it seems that 24-year-old Lydia Guevera is now taking up the revolutionary reins from her famous family patriarch. Is she waging war against U.S.-controlled conglomerates that have diabolically implanted puppet dictatorships and repressive regimes around the world? Helping those aging Castro hermanos get...

Enough is enough, Sarah. It's over. You lost. Please get off my analog-wave-free television screen and fade to obscurity. Seriously, don't you have an imminent Rapture to prepare for in the Land of the Midnight Sun, perhaps some freshly murdered moose stew simmering on the stove to stir...

Well, it seems our Superfriends in Congress might be a mite too paranoid about a latter-day Legion of Doom escaping during transfer from Gitmo and wreaking havoc on voters in their districts while fulfilling diabolical plans of world domination (aided and abetted by mutant powers and arch-villain alien technology)....

Whoever said big billion dollar medical conglomerations didn't have a heart, as well as shill high-risk chemical concoctions for it? It's official: Pfizer Inc. has announced that it will provide 70 of its most popular prescriptions (like Lipitor, Zoloft and Viagra) gratis to the poor, fat, flaccid sad sacks...

So a lot of people have been giving poor little Miss (not Mrs. mind you) Bristol Palin flack for actively advocating abstinence as a realistic option for the disaffected, hyper-sexualized MTV Generation (not by example but by hypocrisy).

To be fair, she is...

First SARS, then Avian Bird Flu, and now the Iddy Biddy Piddy Pandemic. Here we go again, and this time we are at DEFCON 2, apparently. And of course in times of artificially manufactured duress we must remember to not under any circumstances remain calm--it is very important to panic...

Avast, ye picaroons! If landlubber Rep. Ron Paul (R-Texas) has his way, good ole American privateers will be set loose on ye wily pillaging Somali buccaneers and get all War of 1812 on yer booties. According to his yellow-tinged amateur YouTube video (seemingly recorded on a Betamax...

Bollocks! How is that California, the crossroads of implants, spray tans and superficiality (Find Yourself Here--no thanks!), has a leg up on the Empire State, historical haven of beatniks, punk rock and Andy Warhol, on the possible legalization and taxation of Cannabis sativa? Where is our Assemblyman Tom Ammiano,...

How's about a nice hot fudge sundae with two big scoops of pistachio ice cream and a smattering of Salmonella? Wait a second! Acute abdominal cramps, projectile vomiting, debilitating diarrhea and sallow skin the color of the aforementioned frozen dairy treat doesn't sound so appetizing on second thought. Also,...

Down on your luck? Pondering whether to scrounge up the rest of your life savings to pay next month's rent or save it for a swell little secondhand Salvation Army tent you've had your eye on along with a month's supply of Slim Jims and Ho-Ho's, and cut your losses...