The Gay 'Civil Likes' Movement

Instead of validating marriage for same-sex couples, Maine voters cruelly voted 52.75 percent to 47.25 percent (87 percent of precincts reporting) to strip away this most basic right and leave gay families and their children legally unprotected and vulnerable. According to journalist Rex Wockner, "it was the 31st time that same-sex marriage has lost at the ballot box in a U.S. state. It has never won."

As I watched the World Series this week, I could not help but think: If a player were 0-31 at bat, he would be demoted to the minor leagues. Yet, the major league players in the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender movement can't seem to change strategies or try new approaches. We are a creative people who produced the likes of Michelangelo, Tennessee Williams, Oscar Wilde and Perez Hilton. Yet, in our collective wisdom, we are unable to switch gears and admit that our tactics are not working.

I want to make it clear that I am not blaming the campaign in Maine. They did a fantastic job in all aspects of this fight. NO on 1/Protect Maine Equality Campaign Manager Jesse Conolly took us within a stone's throw of winning marriage at the ballot box in a rural state.

What I have an enormous problem with is that we keep repeating the same fundamental mistakes. Our wisest and wealthiest made their fortunes by testing and perfecting products before they went to market. They would never think of placing an appliance or software in stores before the bugs were worked out.

Yet, we continuously test-drive our messages while actual campaigns are taking place. We repeatedly act shocked that our opponents are soulless charlatans who lie, cheat and use immoral fear tactics to win. Our persistent "surprise" at the "recruit your children" canard and on-the-fly strategy to counter it is a foolproof recipe for a 0-31 record.

It is time we wake up and acknowledge that the GLBT fight for equality is the world's first "Civil Likes" movement. Each year, a popularity contest is held somewhere on the map and if the locals find us likeable our families are protected. If the natives have a negative view of gay people, we remain second-class citizens.

Given this reality we have to make a major choice.

We can declare the current process a disgusting and humiliating insult to our humanity and opt out of all future referendums. The movement would make the case to the nation why such votes are anathema to American values and in the process educate people about our families and quest for equality. A powerful campaign of continued and sustainable civil disobedience would have to supplement this strategy.

Or, we can continue to participate in degrading referendums. But, if we do so, we have to stop pretending that the majority of the American people understand the U.S. Constitution, much less the notion of equality. Those who vote against GLBT rights simply do not like gay people and their antipathy, often masked by religious bigotry, overrides the idea of equal protection. What our public relations experts will have to figure out ways to make us more likeable and overcome such objections.

This idea of sucking up to voters is as nauseating as it is un-American. Reality, however, necessitates unless we opt out of the process, we have to sober up and admit that we are perennially running for Prom Queen, yet have failed to take home the crown. If we can't get people to like us, we will continue to lose for the next five to ten years, until demographics finally shift definitively in our favor.

Our donors will save a small fortune in the long run if they pick a few states where we won't win marriage in the foreseeable future and test likeability campaigns. Additionally, a few cities should be selected to test pilot programs to focus on winning over minority voters.

It is also crucial that we create pilot programs -- while no referendum is underway -- where we hit back harder at our opponents. The fact is, religious fundamentalism, whether it is Islamic, Catholic, Mormon, Protestant or Jewish does not appear compatible with equality. Can you name one fundamentalist enclave where gay rights exist? Thus, when these groups attack us we should stop coddling them and join with religious moderates to make the fundamentalists pay dearly by driving up their negatives.

Some of my suggestions will work, while some will not. There are other people who have fresh ideas that need to be tried. But, the bottom line is that we need to stop test-driving the car during actual referendums in states that can actually be won. By the time we get on the big stage, we should understand exactly what makes voters like us, be able to refute our opponents recurring lies and know precisely how to dish out as much pain as we receive.

The old adage is practice makes perfect and we must figure out how to hit the damn ball when it doesn't count, so when we enter the World Series we don't approach it like its training camp.

 

Follow Wayne Besen on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Truthwinout

Comments

[winningticket]

Very good article, Dwayne. But I could have done without Perez Hilton.

[jcwtts1]

PART II

ok, so what does the LGBT community have to do?

1. Research. There is tons of misinformation floating around about how blacks won civil rights. For the most part the people spouting off have no historical memory they have no idea how blacks actually won, and if they did they would realize that our path is not one that the LGBT community can easily use. Instead they should model their movement off of the Feminist movement.

2. Re-engage in politics and play dirty. My favorite say is, if Politicians are for sale, buy them. I have heard non stop for two years about the LGBT atm. Well, ok, use it. There is a rapidly closing window for the 2010 senate races. People need money, some states don't have solid dem candidates yet. There are multiple candidates running in some. The LGBT community must pick candidates fast and start funding them insanely. The DSCC is in trouble. Let me explain why: FL, LA, MO, OH, NH, NC, KY, IA, PA, NY, CA, IL, CO. All of these races are going off at the same time. All of them require major cash in order to either win or hold them. So, by my calculations the senate races alone are going to cost the dem party 1 billion dollars. Skip the DSCC and fund candidates directly.

Gotta hop. More later.

Peace,

J

[SD Indy]

jcw.......you left out ONE very key issue! Blacks rights were NEVER PUT TO A POPULAR VOTE!!!!!!

Blacks rights were won through the courts and politiicians. But because it is still acceptable in this country to treat LGBTs as second-class citizens, yet first rate tax payers, our lives and our family units are left up to OTHER people to decide how we should live our lives. F*CK THAT!

[jcwtts1]

Wow, a pol finally. Someone who is willing to take the hard stance and the hard look and realizes that winning is what this should be about. In many instances in life you can be right or you can be wrong. Dems specifically have butI'mrightitis. They believe that because what they desire is right they somehow actually get it. That isn't the way this world works. The reason people are angry with the President is that he's come to win. Not on one issue and then going down in a blaze of glory the way Clinton did. But Obama has come to win all the fights. That isn't pretty, it has cost him, and will continue to. It requires some basic re-prioritizing of issues and of goals but it is possible to win them all. So, first, the LGBT community has to do what this blogger has done. They have to soul search. being right doesn't mean anything. Come to win. I spend a lot of time on these boards talking about what the LGBT community has done wrong. So let's try instead to talk about what they can do in the future. Use this blog as a wake up call and figure out what to do tomorrow.

My advice? I'll include it in the next post.

[dorzic]

Civil Unions for all! Gays can lead the way again, showing America how civil unions support diversity.

Marriage has become largely a religious institution that is no longer in concert with society's needs--it shouldn't be legislated or publicly funded or allowed special tax breaks or receive preferential treatment. Civil Unions, however, would create the opportunity for every American to play on a level playing field; fully funded and legislated by the government, with tax breaks, and dependents. Pass Civil Union laws. You can always include language for those persons married before the legislation that would grandfather them in and make their "marriages" legal under the new laws.

[bsc]

my civil rights should not come down to a referendum. if interracial marriage was voted on in a referendum, it would still be outlawed. we need to concentrate on overturning DOMA and getting marriage through the courts. I cant understand though how when a state supreme court says not having gay marriage violates equal protection, and then having gay marriage up for a popular vote. makes no sense. no gay marriage still violates equal protection.

[bsc]

it is b.s. that our civil rights keep coming down to referendums. if we had a referendum in 1960, interracial marriage would still be banned. we need to lobby the federal government to overturn DOMA and to guarantee gay marriage or at least for now civil unions in all 50 states.

[BlackJAC]

Just point out that gay marriage has injected $22 million a year into the Massachusetts economy by opening up a new market segment to all wedding-related businesses. They won't be able to argue against supporting free-market capitalism.

[dupont64]

Excellent article. With an 0 and 31 record, not only would you be bounced from any professional sport, you would also be considered a complete failure as a political consultant. The message is not working, and neither are the gay political institutions. Instead of blaming the President, maybe we should consider that despite the fact this ballot initiative was the top gay rights battle of the year, the HRC only spent $220,000 (according to CNN) out of their annual budget of over $38 million. Jesse Connolly unquestionably did an outstanding job, but had a budget of only $4 million. In the last competitive Senate election in Maine two years ago the winner spend over $8 million (the loser spent $6 million). If the right wing keeps putting these measures on the ballot, why isn't HRC dropping millions in cold hard campaign cash? It's not like they don't have the money! Even in California on Prop 8 the HRC cash was less than 5% of the total spent. The HRC's fundraising appeals only went out weeks after DailyKos and others had flagged the fact the anti-Gay forces were pulling ahead. After 31 lossed in a row, the HRC management needs to go and the whole decrepited thing needs to be dramatically overhauled into a real, effective campaign and advocacy organization.

[jmpurser]

So, you can opt out of your own civil rights movement or continue to fight? This is a choice?

How many times did women's suffrage fail?

How many times did civil rights for Blacks fail?

Until you don't get back up again you haven't been defeated.

[CornetMustich]

It's time for fairness and equality. Period.

Cheers, Joe Mustich, Justice of the Peace,
Washington, Connecticut, USA.

[aonemandog]

Referendums don't work. Gay civil rights is not a popularity contest. The neighbors who say they love gays will vote against you given the chance. This must be decided in the courts. Sadly, with the current make up of the supreme court, an anti-gay decision is almost a foregone conclusion. We need to start at the state level, taking every anti-gay issue to trial until, piece by piece, pro gay laws are enacted. It is a natural tendency to want to be liked, but it is better to have rights.

[Jimboy17]

There's a lot wrong with this notion. I don't want to suck up, nor do I want to conform. However, for a large swath of the GLTB population, integration is the objective. I find this kind of political game reprehensible, but if it furthers the goals of the majority, then have at it. I just don't want a part of it. I would rather remain a second class citizen than compromise my person. Then again, as a white male in the Western world, my persecution is next to nothing. The one glaring issue is that this is not a ballot question, nor should it be. We have allowed ourselves to be effectively manipulated into a place in which our orientation is viewed as a choice, and something that can be decided on by others. In Canada, the supreme court effectively said that this issue was too important to be left to the electorate. Just as civil rights was in the US those years ago.

[dunkel]

I generally sympathize with your position. I don't want any government interferrence in what is essentially a contract between individuals. That aside, claiming credit for Perez Hilton, comparing him to Michelangelo is...laughable.

[Hazumu]

Wayne;

I'm transgender. Marriage is an issue for transgenders, but only because it's so mixed up for me and my trans-brothers and -sisters. In some states (or counties, in Texas,) I can marry one gender, but not the other. I travel to another state (county) and my once-legal marriage is considered void -- but now I can legally marry the gender I couldn't marry in the previous location.

but, what if I legally marry, and then I or my legal spouse gets a transfer to a state where we legally can't marry?

Genderless marriage nationwide would solve that for us trans folks. But what we really need is Employment Non Discrimination Act. Aomeone recently pointed out that those gays and lesbians for whom the Right to Marry is penultimate appear to feel that ENDA is unimportant - and that trans folks do not need rights nor legal protections. An interesting dichotomy, there...

[ECBA88]

Transphobia among the gay and lesbian communities continues to be a problem. Trans people confuse essentialized gender assumptions in ways that break down the modernist framework of what humanity is, and it causes intense reactions among lots of people, even those who know better.

[OtayPanky]

Ultimately, this is a generational problem.

Too many older people are influenced by the virulent memes that were prevalent when they were growing up. It really is very difficult to teach an old dog new tricks.

Their children and grandchildren are growing up in a world where being gay has been - to a great degree - normalized. They just haven't learned to get all worked up over the fact that Ellen, Wanda, or whomever has a spouse.

We can even quote the Bible thumpers on this one: Of all the people who were delivered out of slavery in Egypt, only two were allowed to enter the promised land. The rest were forbidden, because they still had the old slave consciousness dominating their thoughts.

A strategic vision would say this: OK, we're not getting it done right now. But what can we do to get it done in the next 25-50 years? That's the kind of visionary thinking that dominated the leaders of the civil rights movement (Thurgood Marshall, MLK, etc) - and it turned out to be correct. OTOH, the radicalized approach of Stokely Carmichael (who?) and Huey Newton (who?). not so much.