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Wayne Maines

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'Going Stealth': A Complicated and Dynamic Family Decision

Posted: 08/06/2012 1:49 pm

A few years ago we had to move to a new town, to a new school. Ongoing bullying, harassment and discrimination left us with no choice but to leave our beautiful home, our friends and our community. We are not alone. Families raising transgender children face the same plight throughout the nation. Many live in secrecy and we all must make difficult decisions to keep our children safe.

One of the first decisions is whether to tell others that our children are transgender. This decision is often dynamic, as the environments change, we have to change, too. Not telling our schools and community is called "Going Stealth." Going stealth often starts as early as preschool. It is a simpler time in many ways. No one need's to know except family, doctors and a small inner circle of friends. Later, in elementary school, we often decide to leave stealth mode to inform teachers, staff and sometimes community leaders that we have a transgender child. It is not an easy decision. Doing so creates new challenges and bigger fears.

We thought it was necessary to tell our school administrators, teachers, staff and coaches that Nicole was transgender. We relied upon them to protect her at school, on the playground, during sports and field trips. We were still well-aware that telling the wrong person could ruin her day, risk her safety and have dire consequences that we might not understand. In the end, disclosure prevailed. Asking them to keep us in a semi-stealth world seemed like the right choice.

In the fifth grade, stealth world ended. There was no holding Nicole back. She openly attended school as her real self, proudly saying I am transgender. She was well-received by her classmates and school community. She was full of joy and confidence until people that fear these beautiful young children turned her world upside down. To keep our family safe we moved and returned to stealth world.

It was a very difficult time in so many ways. Imagine a brother and sister keeping this vital secret at such a young age. Every day we worried that someone might find out and we would have to move again. Of course there were a few positives. Nicole was allowed to use the girls bathroom, she made new friends, went to school dances and our family was no longer in the news. But she had no close friends, no sleepovers and constantly worried that she might slip up and break the family code. This new stealth world was safer, but still very harmful.

Of course, stealth world seldom lasts for long. Surprisingly, it was not the kids who gave up our secret. While they attended their new middle school we learned that Bill LD 1046 had been submitted to roll back transgender protections that exist in Maine. It was a very sad day in our home when we heard this news. We wondered how to tell Nicole she could lose more. Deciding to leave stealth world required long discussions within our inner circle and a great deal of worrying. In the end we decided to speak out and let Nicole have a voice. It was a scary time, but the outcome was amazing. he bill was defeated and our children learned that getting involved and having a strong voice is a powerful tool.

Going stealth is only one of the many complicated decisions that we must make while raising our children. We have very few real choices to protect our children from harm. Choices like trying to determine if our current school will really be supportive when the chips are down, moving to a new town that might not be any better and leaving our jobs for new jobs that might not be secure or splitting up our families to be able to pay bills. They are hard choices like home schooling with little or no resources or remaining at an unsupportive school and looking for professional help where very little exists.

A few families are lucky and have found amazing schools that welcome their children with open arms, but these schools are few and far between. We are lucky enough to live close to the Boston Children's Hospital. Others are not so lucky. We all need more help and better choices. We are looking for supportive schools, trained doctors and counselors that have experience working with transgender youth, coaches, teachers, community leaders and churches that will welcome our children with open arms. We need legal assistance and we need our political leaders to step up and demand change.

Families are suffering because they are in stealth mode and they often suffer when they come out. They are scared, lack resources and wonder what other challenges the next day might bring as their child demands to be their real self. They do not want to move. They cannot afford to have travel hundreds of miles to find professional help and they want a stable environment at home and at school.

We can help make this happen! Contact your state leaders and ask them to support the Student Non Discrimination Act (SNDA). SNDA is designed to protect all LGBT children. This is a strong step forward to ensure that LGBT children in our schools have the same rights as their classmates. Through this legislation and further outreach we can also build a stronger and larger support system for transgender children and their families.

Parents will always worry about their children. It is what we do. But living in the United States of America should not require we worry every waking moment. We should not have to move in the middle of the night or cry because we cannot provide our child with the resources they need to grow. I am hopeful that someday, "Going Stealth" will no longer be in our vocabulary. Please help make this happen, speak out in your community and be prepared to vote for leaders that are willing to standup for LGBT youth.

 
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A few years ago we had to move to a new town, to a new school. Ongoing bullying, harassment and discrimination left us with no choice but to leave our beautiful home, our friends and our community. We...
A few years ago we had to move to a new town, to a new school. Ongoing bullying, harassment and discrimination left us with no choice but to leave our beautiful home, our friends and our community. We...
 
 
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03:16 PM on 08/10/2012
Wayne, I just want to tell you how absolutely proud I am of you and your family. The lengths that you have gone to to ensure a meaningful life for your daughter is just stunning. I wish you all the best!
03:05 PM on 08/10/2012
Part 3. I knew by age 6 that something was not right about me, but due to societal pressures in the early 70's, I knew better than to tell anyone about it. I spent my life in misery. Never fitting in. Feeling like I was some kind of freak. Feeling like if the world knew my secret i would be thrown to the wolves.

People criticize parents for bowing to their children and letting them express themselves as they wish, regardless of society's "rules". Is this the life that you would want for your child? Would you want them to spend every minute of their lives thinking that they are somehow less? That they don't deserve to be themselves?

I have never been more proud of a parent than I am of these parents, who would do ANYTHING to make sure their child gets to live their life on their terms. If I had had that kind of support, my life would have been very different indeed. I thank God every day that I'm able to live the life I only dreamed about all those years, and not a day goes by that I'm not saddened by all of this wasted years.


I hope this example helps even one person better understand our experience, and begin to rethink how they see the world and the people in it.
03:04 PM on 08/10/2012
Part 2 . ...you've become so accustomed to wearing your uniform that you no longer think about it. You just know that your life is very difficult.This is very similar to how a closeted transgender person feels every minute of every day of their lives, until they are left with no choice but to come out, or check out of the world.

Using that same example, suppose after a few weeks of this (because you have no other choice but to put up with it), someone says that they made a huge error and that it is ok to come dressed as a nurse, since that is who you truly are. Suddenly, all is right with the world. The pateints and other nurses treat you like the nurse you are. other nurses ask you for advice. Doctors ask you to help them in surgery or whatever. This is how a transgender person feels when they are able to express themselves as the person they know they are.

Many people ask "How can a child know?", but the truth is that they probably don't know they are transgender, per se. They just innately know that what they see in the mirror isn't right. ...(continued)
03:03 PM on 08/10/2012
Part 1. Ok, folks. This isn't about WANTING to be anything, or parents DECIDING anything. This is a part of who we are as individuals. Unless you are transgender, you cannot possibly understand what it feels like, but I'll try to help you.

Imagine for a moment that you are a nurse, but one of the conditions under which you were hired states that you must dress as a security guard. Silly example, I know, but bear with me. So, you know its crazy that have to dress as a guard, even though you know you are a nurse, but you dress as they want just so you can get by and not make waves. You go to work on your first day wearing your dress blues, and you try to go about your duties. You know that you are a nurse, but all of the patients see you as a guard and treat you according to what they see. They may feel intimidated or scared, even though you are trying to help them get better. Maybe they see you as a threat. The point is that you are treated as the world views you rather than who you know you are inside. You try to make friends with the other nurses, but they just dismiss you because while you may know how to be a nurse, you don't look like one. No matter what you try to do, it never feels right. Everyday is a struggle, but... (continued)
12:52 AM on 08/10/2012
I'm glad the family does everything to protect their little one, but my first question was who decided on her being transgendered was it their daughter's decision or theirs? Because if it was the parent's decision I call it a complete act of selfishness. What if the child didn't want to be a girl and wanted to be a boy? They raised her like a girl at least, but sad we can't let a child make a decision when they are a bit older. I am a girl and all the things I did as a child was more boy toys, sports, and fishing and not much girly stuff, but never ever have being a different gender crossed my mind. Not even about my child's decision yet either. I'm not against gay because I have a lot of gay friends. This story just struck me puzzle. My son loves playing with both gender toys and never once said he wants to be a girl. They also didn't mention when their daughter was transgender. So far I know i she was very young.
08:16 AM on 08/10/2012
Who decided on their daughter being transgender? God decided, hormones decided, fate, karma, whatever you want to call it decided. Being transgender, just like being gay or straight, is not a choice. I was BORN transgender, but unfortunately for me, I was born in 1961 before the term existed. I was born to a very conservative family that would not have accepted me as being trans - even if I had known what it was that was wrong with me at an early age. And, yes, many of us know from a very early age that there is something wrong/different about our selves. At that young age I didn't know what it was, certainly didn't have a name for it, and based on the environment in which I was raised, I knew that there was no way I could share what I felt with anyone. As I got older I felt worse and worse about myself and I knew more and more that there was simply no one I could talk about my problem with. I repressed those feelings until just 3 years ago.
08:17 AM on 08/10/2012
Fortunately today, we know infinitely more about what being transgender is all about. There are infinitely more resources available to help more people and more children. There are certain indicators that parents can look for. There are children who know very definitively at a very early age that they are most absolutely in the wrong body. There are doctors who educate themselves about what to look for. There are child psychologists who educate themselves as to what to look for. The "decision" to be trans is not for anyone to decide - it happens or it doesn't. The decision to find answers and work towards viable solutions is up to the family, doctors, psychologists and others.
I am just simply thrilled to know that more and more often these children are being diagnosed earlier and more often find themselves with supportive, loving families who are willing to stand up for their child and do every possible thing to make their lives the best and most meaningful and loving environment.
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nottenkamper
11:47 PM on 08/09/2012
Whoa, Back in the day...50's we girls used to hold each others hands, and preferred our own company to boys, ..we had sleep overs, and still talked about boys. Boys were hanging out together, and never worried whether they were gay. Thay talked about girls, but still enjoyed the company of each other too. What are these parents into? Is it tready to choose what their child is going to be? So glad that
I never knew that this was an issue when I raised four kids and they are all married to the opposite sex.
There was not a kid that was wondering what they were???? Where does this come from , and I
am really serious about wanting to know why all has changed in 50 years?
07:44 AM on 08/10/2012
First, I'm from your generation and remember also how many things were not allowed to be discussed. The norm was maintained by oppressive silence and individuals holding up values that were uneducated and mistaken. Some examples of mistaken beliefs in our generation are; asbestos was a great insulator (causes major cancer), Women were not allowed to work without being shamed, African Americans had no civil liberties, the KKK were roaming about lynching people. That is some of what has changed in just the past 50 years. Gender identity has always been there and people who were young and were transgender suffered enormously at the hands of our generations. You speak as if sexual orientation and gender identity is exactly the same thing; It's not.

I can assure you there were children who were desperately trying to know who they were and sat in their houses considering suicides daily. Just because the parents locked them in closets, shamed or beat them into submission doesn't change that transgender children existed for a very long time. Native Americans have always embraced transgender people from the day they were born.

Where this comes from is called genetics. It's a natural part of the world and happens each and every day. There are millions of transgender who walk and work and play and have families. There are millions you pass everyday on the street and have no idea we exist. Today, families are more open to the realities that exist.
09:06 PM on 10/04/2012
Nothing changed but opportunity. It's not that trans* people didn't exist when you were young or raising children, it's just that they were not allowed to express themselves--often to their mental health detriment. Although we still have a LOOOOOOOOONG way to go, things are getting better--slowly and incrementally.
11:14 PM on 08/09/2012
for everybody saying that the child doesn't know or that its the parents deciding and what, its bee that proven that often times children know or acutely feel as if their not in the right body, some little boys feel like it was little girls they were supposed to be so they start to dress and act like little girls and some little girls feel as if they were meant to be boys so they start dress and act like them as well in means that go beyond being a tomboy. im not trying to be mean or hurtful to those of you that think its their parents doing because you think the children are not old enough to decide but please do your research before you comment on a topic you know little or nothing about
08:24 AM on 08/10/2012
Thank you Kitten Karen. I was born in the early 60's I am trans. I knew from as far back as I can remember that I was 'wrong'. I didn't know then what 'wrong' was, I just knew that I was not like any of the boys or the girls. I began 'experimenting' with dressing in my sister's clothes when I was perhaps 8. The first time, I got caught by my mom. She was pissed. She threatened me that if she ever caught me doing that again, she would have me committed to a mental hospital. I would finally discover that I was trans and began transitioning at the tender young age of 47. I endured a life of self-hatred and self-abuse, because I felt I was evil. Thank God this child has loving and caring parents.
08:32 PM on 08/09/2012
I am at a loss at to what to say. Does this mean that a parent interprets the childs actions at a pre-school age and then determines that they are a transgender. If they have had the surgeries performed and are truly convinced this is the right course of action, then why not sleepovers, Male and female actions I think come at a later age. My grandson plays with super hero toys, yet loves his purple elephant. Please tell me I am not supposed to wonder? I raised 3 sons, did not care what toys they chose to play with, but since I did not have any daughters then I guess I was safe in knowing they did not choose to wear a dress. I congratulate all parents, no matter who their children grow up to be, but please don't make the choices for them. Let them grow a little before we trust their decisions.
Mysteryprincess
Liberal Libertarian
11:25 PM on 08/09/2012
Nobody makes a decision like this for their kid without already having gotten the kid a lot of therapy. Your fears are unfounded. It's not some snap decision.
08:34 AM on 08/10/2012
Boys having sisters does not make them want to wear dresses. Wanting to experiment and role play is not indicative of being transgender. A child that expresses an intense desire to be the opposite of what they are designated to be at birth is a good indicator of the child being trans. I always knew that there was something wrong with me. I am a transsexual woman. I never had the supportive, loving, caring parents that this child has. I was threatened with institutionalization (being locked up in a mental hospital) by the age of 8 or 9, if I was ever seen wearing my sister's clothes again. As Mysteryprincess already pointed out, there would be a lot of professional counseling taken place to get to this point.
As for surgeries, they can not perform the necessary surgeries until the child is at least 16 (I believe that is the minimal age they will perform it), though most will have to endure the body dysphoria until they are even older.
05:21 PM on 08/10/2012
I will re-read the story, but did not re-call anything about therapy. If you are loved absolutely as a child, how would you feel as if something is wrong with you. This is important because what about children with disabilities? The feel different, that something is wrong. I still feel these decisions should wait until the child is old enough to understand.
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vlntyn
07:53 PM on 08/09/2012
why can't people just be, well, people ....
07:25 PM on 08/09/2012
This child is way too young to even understand what transgender is. Maybe parents being melodramatic for attention??
10:35 PM on 08/09/2012
Really. And you know this how? Why not read Mr. Maines blog and learn a little bit more about it before throwing out comments that denigrate their parenting.
Mysteryprincess
Liberal Libertarian
11:25 PM on 08/09/2012
On the contrary, about half of transgender people say they knew by the time they were 3 or 4.
photo
rleduffe
Love This New TMZ Entertainment Magazine
01:44 PM on 08/11/2012
And I knew I was superman when I was 4 too!

#allGarbage
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kidkolor
07:11 PM on 08/09/2012
They only thing I see in this story is family that loves their child.
Whether a child is gay or transgender should make no difference to anyone.
They are humans and should be treated with respect
07:03 PM on 08/09/2012
Many children experience some degree of confusion over their gender identity-many well-intentioned parents take this confusion which would probably resolve itself and create a transgender child.
I went through a year long tomboy phase in grade school during which I played only with boys, dressed like a boy and took being mistaken for a boy as a compliment-I outgrew it-thankfully my parents had the sense to realize I would-they never admonished me but never gave me permission to change my gender either. These parents sometimes do more harm than good-kids are VERY impressionable and will pick up on every thing a parent says-you don't give a six-year-old liscence to make decisions that will affect the rest of their life.
Mysteryprincess
Liberal Libertarian
11:26 PM on 08/09/2012
Nobody can change your gender. You're basically being a transphobic bigot here.
08:51 AM on 08/10/2012
Gender can not be changed. There are distinct differences between growing up a tomboy and growing up a trans-boy. Did you ever feel like you needed to be a boy? Did you ever feel a deep sense that your genitalia was wrong for who you were?
Wanting to be LIKE a boy is a whole lot different than feeling like you SHOULD have been a boy.
Is is possible for a child to exhibit signs that can be mistaken as being trans? Maybe? I'm not a psychologist, but from my own experience not likely - if you are working with a qualified counselor. Even if this child were to decide that, 'you know what mommy? I don't really want to be a girl after all', okay, you can still be a boy. The only thing that takes place at that early an age is that the child gets to live their lives as the gender that suits them best. There is nothing permanently altered. It is not until at least the onset of puberty that they start taking hormones - or typically they take suppressors to 'stall' puberty until they are of a certain age. Only when it is determined to be safe for the child, then the doctor and therapist will go ahead with hormone therapy.
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nolleymom
07:03 PM on 08/09/2012
mind your business. stay out of anybody's bedroom...bigger problems to solve...get rid of war
photo
rleduffe
Love This New TMZ Entertainment Magazine
01:45 PM on 08/11/2012
Yeah - that's what Sanduski says...
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gixxthis600
07:01 PM on 08/09/2012
There is alot this article seems to have left out. I truly support people of transgender status, but to address the notion that a child of grade school age can make the expression that what they feel is "wrong" with them is there gender is something I dont fully buy. I think that a child that may eventually become someone of the transgender community would have a very very hard time pinpointing the reason they feel the way they do without some serious self reflection that I dont think a child of 6 or 7 has. I do think however that they can tell something is different inside of them and they need help and support to find out exactly what that is. The article seems to imply the child has all this figured out.
Mysteryprincess
Liberal Libertarian
11:27 PM on 08/09/2012
Does it mean anything to you at all that every recognized body of psychologists disagrees with you? Does that make you rethink your opinion even a little bit?
08:59 AM on 08/10/2012
Does it mean anything to you (OP) that most transgender-born people (the ones who are actually effected) would strongly disagree with you?
I am trans and I knew that there was something 'wrong' with me from as early as I can remember.
Having no conflict between your body and your brain would lead you to believe that it doesn't exist in others until they "CHOOSE" to be trans. Nope! Doesn't work that way. Being transgender is nothing like sexual orientation. Sexual orientation generally does not become apparent before puberty - when the person begins being sexually aware. Gender identity and expression exists from the time that one becomes self-aware. That is usually around the ages of 2-4. Being born unconflicted, there is no conflict, you just are you. Being born conflicted you feel wrong from your earliest reckoning.
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gixxthis600
12:45 PM on 08/10/2012
It could, if provided the sources. My comment was not ment to cause any type of misconception that children don't realize something in their mind is different then what nature is put in front of them. Its just that gender and gender identity is so much more then boys like blue and girls like pink. I fail to believe that a child of 5,6,or 7 has the capacity to to make such a life choice by themselves (because in this day and age gender is in fact a choice). My first sentence in my first post said that there is more to this story then the article presented, and I stand by that. To give a little more insight, I think the article should of given a reference to how the family and the child for that matter came to the decision to have the child live as the non-birth sex. Also what if any professional guideance they had to make that decision.
07:59 PM on 08/12/2012
I know this young woman. And yes... she has it all figured out. Like most kids when it comes to their gender, she knows what hers is. The fact that YOU may be confused about this issue should not be the benchmark by which we judge the children's lack of confusion.
photo
Scarlette OHara
Opinions are like belly buttons, everyone has em!
06:51 PM on 08/09/2012
If every time I wanted to pretend I was a boy growing up my parents decided I was transgender I would be screwed up mentally. I also wanted to be a pony, a princess, and a bunch of other things. I wonder about the parents more than the child.
08:34 PM on 08/09/2012
yes, yes, yes because boys got to do all the fun stuff!! Me, I thought I could fly, but no matter what it didn't work! :)
10:36 PM on 08/09/2012
How about reading Mr. Maines' other blog posts about his family and his child before condemning them.
07:43 AM on 08/10/2012
Hey Mark this is the second post I see of you writing this. How about you let people say what they want.