The "battle of the sexes is over," declares a groundbreaking report, "A Woman's Nation Changes Everything," published recently by Maria Shriver and the Center for American Progress. The report claims it has been replaced by "negotiations" between the sexes over work, family, home management, child care and elder care. This report focuses on how government, business and society must change to catch up with the gender transformation of the American workforce now that "women are half of all U.S. workers and mothers are the primary breadwinners or co-breadwinners in nearly two-thirds of American families."
From that vantage, yes, the battle of the sexes is over. In our country, at least, there no longer is question about women working outside the home. Frequently it is an economic necessity. But the notion that there is no battle of the sexes over division of labor within the home?
PC nonsense. When the issue is division of labor between dual career couples, often it's all out war. In fact, this subject may have surpassed other major sources of marital strife--infidelity, addiction, abuse, emotional inaccessibility. It also may help explain recent poll results indicating that women find themselves more powerful but less happy.
The battle results from a confluence of factors. First, the typical dual career family has too much to do and too little time to do it--even when blessed with hired or family help. Second, women are biologically destined and sociologically primed to carry more of the load at home. The situation once was, "men go to war, women have babies." Now men and women alike go to war both on the battlefield and in the boardroom. But only women can have babies, and this sacred capacity is far more life changing for women than for men. It takes experiencing the intensity of pregnancy, childbirth and nursing to know this--just like it takes going to war to know its impact (here men are the authorities since their superior physical strength usually means they're the warriors).
At first, career women and men both tend to embrace the tilted situation at home. After all, it is nature's way. But this embrace is also a set-up for the imbalance to continue longer than necessary. When this happens, women start to feel something is wrong--often vaguely, at first, but with growing strength. If the imbalance persists, over time women may reach a breaking point as they find themselves overwhelmed by the kids/work/home juggling act. Concomitantly, they feel caught between guilt over wanting to be "good enough" wives and mothers versus resentment over carrying more than their fair share.
Meanwhile, men typically feel fierce pressure to "make it" career-wise in a highly competitive world--arguably a societal pressure still more pronounced for men than for women despite cultural shifts. Compared to their tethered wives, men have had relatively more freedom to pursue their careers. But their load too has vastly increased with the advent of family responsibilities. When wives complain about the imbalance at home, they object, pointing to their unique pressures. They also may view women as bringing misery upon themselves by trying to do too much or being too particular about how things get done. Who cares if we use Christmas napkins in July?
The process is subtle, but its corrosive effects are real. The script, whether expressed or not, goes something like this. Husband: "I've got a career to develop for the sake of this family, and you don't give me credit for what it takes. And compared to other men, I do so much more at home." Wife: "Wait a second. You've had tons more protected time at work than me. And it's not fair to compare yourself to what other men do at home. What about other women?"
In essence, women feel they've hit a "glass ceiling" in the home, pulling for an adversarial instead of a collaborative relationship over collective aspirations, goals and principles. To men's bewilderment and dismay, women's anger over the impasse may prove a complete libido killer--sex becomes one more burdensome "task" instead of a loving source of emotional and physical replenishment (i.e., it's not as simple as, "honey, I'm too tired").
Danger lurks if couples don't find a way to wage this battle well. The solution to these inevitable conflicts is not easy, even if social policies improve as advocated by the Shriver report. A few brief suggestions. Women, make a "honey-do" list, and stick to it. Take the extra time to delegate. Or, better still, keep both parties honest by composing the to-do list together, then divide and conquer. Men, have empathy for the challenges career women face, and recognize it is in everyone's best interest to achieve an equitable distribution of labor at home.
Fight fair in the battle of the sexes on the home front, and you'll reap plenty of rewards--including good sex between the battles.
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To call the conclusion
It is possible to make your clinical point without dismissing their feminist point.
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Who writes the list?
Women almost always (as the author points out brilliantl
Think about the house or apt. where your man lived BEFORE you and you will say....our lists are different.
Men care about love, sex, food and shelter. That's about it.
Beyond that, it's just women getting angry that we don't accept her marching orders without question.
If men want to vacuum once a week instead of once a day WHY do women get to DICTATE that?
If men want to do the laundry their way and not her way, WHY does she get to OVERRULE that?
I think this example is caroonish, but it's one women always present, so....
WHY do we have to wait until you are done dusting to have sex?
Why can't you want to dust until after sex?
It's all about maintainin
IF you (actually) want EQUALITY in the home....yo
Otherwise, your argument is basically "NUH-UH". Great. Thanks for adding to the conversati
I can dust when I want to....sage
Did you even read the article? The point was that women DO NOT let men do the chores as men would choose to.
Also, I never "insist" I'm right...I EXPLAIN why I am right.
You have the right to disagree..
NUH-UH!
SUCH a good insightful half a paragraph there.
Ladies, think about where your husband lived before you. Then think about the "list" of chores you deem NECESSARY and you will see you do not agree.
Meanwhile, the author ruins the article by writing, "A few brief suggestion
TELL YOU what....ho
Yes, ladies....
Finally, OF COURSE...o
Sure, I'll dry the dishes...y
No problem, I'll do some laundry. You can do some drywall, sound fair?
So the math is like this...men (typically
Great.
The author is the one advising a "honey do" list.
Regardless of the frequency with which YOUR particular husband does it...the fact is that there are a series of jobs that women simply consider his job as opposed to ALL of hers which fit into the category of "our" jobs.
That last line of the article...
It implies bribery or ultimatums
I know the reply will be "Women don't have time for sex because of all the housework, etc."
Life is about PRIORITIES
What does it say to your husband that dusting is MORE important to you than he is?
You think that makes him feel like a valued part of the relationsh
What does it say about YOU that you'd rather dust than ****?
I would say it is not really true that on average the man is making more. I make nearly twice what my husband makes.
In reference to bill paying, we split the bills equitably based on our incomes. Therefore, he does not pay 50% of the bills. Why should he? He is doing a full-time job in an industry that pays less than a full-time job in my industry. It is still work; just because society values our jobs differentl
What is the value of staying at the house and taking care of kids or getting the car to the shop? Someone has to do that and if it is a women, who is working part-time as a result, then she has contribute
The social, cultural, and political attitudes of modern society have enabled women to seize some power from men, despite being treated unfairly by unethical leaders, who continue to reinforce the "glass ceiling." Women understand that fruitful conversati
Women are usually well organized, as homemakers and profession
Fay Weldon, a writer, stated, “Worry less about what other people think of you, and more about what you think about them.” A former mayor of Ottawa once said, “Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought of as half as good. Luckily, this is not difï¬cult!”
Women should focus on a fearless, diplomatic
For free abridged versions of my books on leadership
Maxwell Pinto, Business Author
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It is interestin
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"after their masculinit
Feminism does not somehow rip out men's "masculini
Women want equality
...and chivalry.
That's 75% ladies.
Now, I'm worried that's not enough...
But you are right about one thing...yo