Full Disclosure: Have Mommy Bloggers Gone Too Far?

Are mommy bloggers selfishly pimping out their children for their own creative fodder ... or, even worse, financial gain? Do our emotional, self-deprecating, angst-ridden, confessional posts that are meant to comfort the sorority of mothers in cyberspace ultimately hurt our own children -- if not now, sometime in the future?

The New York Times' article this week about British author Julie Myerson's book, The Lost Child: A Mother's Story, that chronicles her son's downward spiral into drug addiction has many of us reflecting on our own writing and responsibility to our children. Myerson's book has ignited outrage across the Atlantic with mothers in particular castigating the author for exploiting her son, Jake. Myerson is hopeful that Americans will be less judgmental when the book comes out this week in the United States. After all, we Americans are apparently used to publicly airing out our dirty laundry and collectively relishing in other people's problems -- think Jon and Kate Gosselin.

But when it comes to motherhood there is plenty of judgment stateside too -- so Myerson should brace herself for another round of visceral reaction. Although millions of American women may be guided by Oprah, our de facto, national spiritual leader who embraces brave memoirs, flawed people and honest sharing, we're also quick to attack mothers who seem less than ideal, let alone selfish.

Myerson has reportedly said that Jake, now 20 years old, approved the manuscript before it was published. But as The New York Times reported, Jake has since told the Daily Mail, "What she has done has taken the very worst years of my life and cleverly blended it into a work of art, and that to me is obscene."

I am not judging Myerson for her book or weighing in on whether she violated a parent/child trust. But the issue has gnawed at me. Am I breaching the natural maternal pact with my young children when I use them as the backdrop in writing about my own experience in motherhood?

In our full disclosure era where we are literally atwitter with every aspect of our lives, disclosing intimate details about ourselves and our loved ones on blogs, Facebook photos, Twitter updates and personal websites, where does one draw the line between privacy for our children and honest writing about the now trendy topic of motherhood?

In our hyper-sharing, socially connected, interactive universe, is anything still sacred? I am a mommy blogger and I know that for years my best stuff has come not only from my own observations, frustrations and joys of mothering, but from my children. Does talking about my son dressing in drag as a pre-schooler qualify as humiliating? Will his friends someday uncover my online posts and tease him for once wearing pink boas? Am I fueling a future bully by providing ample content to tease my own preening pre-tween daughter who is obsessed with makeup, mirrors and French kissing?

Many mommy writers have found fame and a fan base by famously disclosing their own issues from alcoholism and abuse to loving their husband more than their own children. But much of what we write about and what resonates with our readers is discussing our own family's foibles, failures and embarrassing situations.

These blogs have clearly struck a nerve with millions of moms who find comfort and humor in reading about the imperfect lives of other moms who openly express that they too can feel bored, annoyed, stressed, rankled, isolated, bitter and disinterested at times.

But what is taboo? Can you discuss your child's issues with ADHD, autism, anxiety or bed wetting even if it's through the prism of your own mothering experience? What if your child is athletically challenged? Physically challenged? Or emotionally challenged? What's appropriate and what's off limits?

The Internet has brilliantly connected mothers in a way that our own mothers would have never imagined possible, making the experience both less lonely and less phony. But what is the ultimate cost of all of this sharing?

Comments

[Johanna Wilhelm]

We are a well-to-do White-Angl­osaxon-Pro­testant family (for the area), well educated---you'd think we weren't dysfunctio­nal...but.­..
My mother and aunt would "commiserate" around our small town about me, and my cousin's use of all efforts of stress reduction: anti-depressants, or getting counseling, etc. I'd only told her about them, because I wanted MY FAMILY to try it. She's only gotten couseling 6 weeks in all the last 20 years that I'd been trying to get her to go. The only time she's proud of me and happy, is if I LIE and tell her everything is GREAT. The happiest is when I have a job, and boyfriend. If not, she's "commiserating" about my problems.

[JesLK]

I think it depends on your motives. There is that thin line between blogging and sharing and blogging and sharing for profit I think. We've seen the rise of pseudo-career mom blogger who almost does it as a full time gig with profit margins that make my full-time job look sad. I'm in the mindset that the adsense mom-blogger is really nothing better than what we're cringing from on reality tv.

[Johanna Wilhelm]

RE: The Overly Child-Cent­rics----I'­m seeing my old friends turn into the "Stepford Wives" online with the incessant TWADDLE about their kid's potty-training and in-&-Out breaths and Momma's extremely needy pandering for online emotional support from other Mommie's they don't really know. Seriously, I never see anything about hobbies, friends, vacations, grownup family, pets..

How far is "Overly Child-Centric" Going? I just changed Yoga instructors because the previous instructor is panting with "Baby Fever" and keeps inviting one gal's toddler to class. I could not hear the instructor over the toddler's screaming or cavorting around. We're supposed to do all this meditation & visualization in class which is impossible. It was never advertised as a "Baby & Me Yoga". The delusional narcissist Mommy apparently can't look around and see other people her age who are NOT bringing their kids/sick elderly parents/work phones to class. Everybody has a angry silent look at the Mom and the instructor...dead silence, not joking around, not joining in on the instructor's begging Mommy to bring the kid back to class.

[mercymercyme]

What chaps my hide is how some of these so-called mommy bloggers think they invented motherhood, so self-absorbed --and solipsistic -- are they.

Also, the awful, awful child-centric viewpoint and lifestyle has gotten completely out of hand. Some of these mommy bloggers need to read some reality-based parenting commentary, preferably that of Erma Bombeck's -- now SHE knew how to put parenting into perspective and with an hilarious sense of humor -- something missing from all these oh-so-serious blogs. Spare me.

[pennywhite]

PLEASE keep writing Mommy-bloggers. Anne Lamott and Ariel Gore have helped to save my life and my daughter's sanity through their honest generous writings. And while some mother's are sharing honestly, there continues to exist an onslaught of "The Only Good Mommy is a Perfect Mommy" propaganda. The only mommy writers who get on my nerves are those with a net worth of several million dollars who pretend to be "just one of the gals". (And you know who you are.) These women are NOT one of the gals. These women do not have a clue. When you can afford a carpet cleaner at a moment's notice, or a garderner or a maid, or a nanny - and can afford to jet off to a health spa to "regroup" when you need to - you are not, and will never be, one of the gals.
As a single mom, I also have an issue with the woman who claims to love her husband more than her children. Isn't the news filled with stories of women who love their husbands and boyfriends more than their children - and who demonstrate that love by allowing these men to brutalize and even murder their kids?Maybe it's okay to love your husband more than your children, but it's certainly not okay to place your husband's needs and your husband's welfare above the needs and welfare of your children.