When did porn become synonymous with "the news?"
I'm a comedian and every now and then I need to know what the hell is going on in the world, but I can't seem to access any legitimate information without being bombarded with headlines and photos of "nip slips," "cleavage contests," accidentally revealed vaginas (vaginas!), so-and-so showing her legs at a movie premiere, so-and-so's sheer dress...
The other day I actually saw "Blake Lively shows cleavage" juxtaposed with a story about fallen soldiers in Iraq. Teenage boobs next to dead soldiers? Really? To put this in perspective, I talk about balls for a living and I was shocked.
Breasts and vaginas have their place in the world (and certainly on the Internet), but I don't think it's so much to ask for the choice to not see teenage genitals if I just want to learn some shit about current events. Guys, you probably don't want to look at another dudes sack at 8 a.m. when you're eating your breakfast pocket, do you?
I'm not saying we shouldn't be interested in naked people. That's a biological impulse over which we have no control. Boobs are what kept us alive for the first couple years of our lives. In order to survive we had to be obsessed with boobs at an early age. But we're not breastfeeding anymore and there's a lot of disturbing shit going on in the world. If anything, America needs to loosen up about sex, but that doesn't mean infuse serious information we need to know with sex. There are people out there who do porn for a living; they're very beautiful, fearless, and damn flexible. Their only goal is to show you their vaginas and boobs. They really are great at what they do and it's a shame they now have to compete with news sites.
The more desensitized we become, the more extreme the news porn is going to have to be to catch our attention. I think it's a legitimate concern that in five years on the CNN home page we're going to be reading about hard core tranny fisting or some teenage actress's taint (with a "slide show!").
I guess what I'm saying is, as a society, let's class it up. At least when it comes to our "news." News has become a disaster in more ways than just obsessing over naked teenagers, but this might be a good place to start. Let's let porn be porn and let news be news. If we continue to blur the lines, eventually I'm going to have to masturbate to Wolf Blitzer. America, please don't let that happen.