There's something about Mitt. And whatever it is, a few folks are definitely allergic. Maybe they sense he has the same connection to humanity that a drive shaft has to bouillabaisse. Could be he's worth more than most small Balkan nations. Might be the Mormon thing or perhaps he just...

It's been more exciting than a zip-line over crocodile infested streams watching the Republican Reality TV show currently playing across the nation. Specifically talking about their grueling marathon gladiator contest where the last person voted off the island becomes Red American Idol and wins the opportunity to oppose Barack Obama...

As rare and mythical as the unicorn, it too cavorts amongst the clouds with double rainbows birthing from its unfathomable depths. But instead of worshipful 12 year- old girls, it is conservative politicians who tack drawings of this inamorata on walls above their beds. We're talking about the legendary... Mainstream....

What You Need to Play:

• 4 taxpayers: 1 white Wall Street type in full suit and yellow power tie, (MBA Guy) 2 ordinary folks sporting jeans, 1 in blue work shirt, other in white shirt, (the Jeans) and 1 person wearing clothes that look like they were used for floor...

Surely you're longing to hear some scathingly humorous remarks concerning the New Hampshire primary. And it would be our honor to relate a few pithily amusing jibes about 2012's primary primary. Only, sorry. Not going to happen. Can't be done. NH is so... over and done with. Day before yesterday....

Q. A little help here. Exactly what are the Iowa Caucuses?
A. The Iowa Caucuses is a method of choosing a presidential nominee. Held every four years. Usually in Iowa.

Q. Why is it so important?
A. Number one in the batting order. Opening stanza of an epic...

Bah humbug everybody. And I imagine that sentiment is being echoed by more than a few of you overly familiar with the soft dark underbelly of this "happiest time of the year." Those of us who have been washed prone by the gushing holiday faucet of red and green greed...

The mad mud tossing between Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney, the last two Republicans still standing, is quickly ramping up to levels not seen since the Agincourt catapults. The candidates and their surrogates are busy dredging up dirt with fleets of front loaders, personally wetting it down with outraged spittle...

Okay. You can stop vibrating like a shaved poodle duct-taped to the foul pole at Wrigley during a night game in April. It's finally here. The 8th annual Top Ten Comedic News Stories of the Year. Veterans, please advise the newbies this list is NOT to be confused with the...

Let's take a peek behind the scenes of GOP headquarters to listen in on the coaching strategy for the little game Republicans are currently playing called, "Anybody but Romney." Think "Whack- A- Mole" with media mallets.

"Well, here it is, boys, 2011. About time we scour the country and...

Let me be among the first 40-foot helium-filled balloons to kick-start our national parade of giving thanks. That's right, we're just about to butt heads with Turkey Holocaust Day, and to be perfectly honest, it's about time. A little tryptophan poisoning might be the perfect prescription for these trying times....

And now, another installment in the continuing saga that is The Herman Cain Sexual Harassment Soap Opera. When last we left him, the candidate was praising his main backers: "The Koch Brothers are my brothers from another mother." Guess we should be grateful he hasn't dismissed his accusers with an...

Slamming DC. It may be the singular most popular political game around today. Everybody does it. Even incumbents go out of their way to blame Washington for everything that's wrong with the country. A lot like a baseball manager complaining that his team suffers from a crippling lack of quality...

Easier than duck fat in muffin tins to figure out why Americans are so darn freaked out and polarized these days. It's because we're afraid. Afraid we've lost our way. Afraid of not being #1. Afraid of what may be in store. Of all that we don't know. Because, face...

Time to sound the alarm on an ominous political epidemic sweeping the nation today. A feverish America finds itself larynx deep in the throes of a severe case of debate fatigue. As evidenced by the most recent gathering of GOP candidates in Nevada, which by any unofficial tally should count...

Q. Why is the GOP like a Baskin Robbins franchise?
A. Because they're both suckers for the flavor of the week.

Scientists have yet to uncover what causes Republicans to recoil from their own candidates like a tomboy from frilly underwear. Perhaps they're commitment phobic. Or channeling the Christmas...

Ah. October. Patio umbrellas down. Storm windows up. The turning of the leaves. The crisping of our ears. Playoff baseball. Halloween just a few weeks off. We'll get back to the most bracing month of the year a bit later, but first a few words about the recent decision by...

It's human nature. We mostly want what we can't have. Grass is greener. The romantic lure of the unattainable. Knowledge that high school girls have long since weaponized. Nothing entices a hormonally imbalanced freshman like flouncing down a crowded hall laughing through a gaggle of friends with a flip of...

It's all a dance, really. A Democratic president summons the gumption to call for higher taxes on the rich and Republicans cry like third graders having their ice cream taken away and given to the neighbor's dog. Invoking the hoariest of chestnuts; that oldie but goodie; as predictable as mushy...

Okay, so we're broke. Not "have to stretch to next payday" broke. Really broke. Our accounts are overdrawn, the credit cards are maxed out and if that's China on the phone, tell them we just stepped out. Yes, again.

We're in an economic hole so deep we're bumping elbows with...