For liberals, Election Day '08 was the marriage of hope and opportunity. Election Day '09: not so much. More like a summons from a partner's divorce lawyer to give a deposition. After regaining statehouses in both Virginia and New Jersey, Republicans are fighting amongst themselves to see who can grab...

Now is the time for all good men to put their hands together, pull them apart and rapidly put them back together again, and repeat, to give props to the President for not curling up into a fetal position with a "Kick Me" sign taped to his butt. You know....

Barack Obama was President a mere 12 days before the Nobel Peace Prize nominations closed and he still won. I know, I know. "He showed early promise." Talk about handing in an A paper at the beginning of the semester. Less than two weeks in office and he earns himself...

Well, look at the time. Aren't we expecting the Return of the Bride of the Son of the Swine Flu pretty soon? That's right. It's Baaaaack and this time, its personal. Scientists predict the virus will be worse this swing through Northern Hemisphere, but come on, no matter how bad...

Remember back in grade school, when all learning came to a screeching halt while the teacher stopped to explain what was going on to the slow kids? She'd spend the entire morning trying to simplify the lesson plan so they could get it.. Using small words in her annoying patient...

Labor Day. The Rodney Dangerfield of holidays. Nobody knows why it's treated like the runt of the celebration litter. Maybe it has to something to do with our biological clocks being stuck on elementary school time. Deep down in our bones, we're anticipating the first Monday of September pounding the...

Got to give the President a big bowl of props for interrupting Obama Rama on Martha's Vineyard with his valiant effort to paint a big old smiling happy face on the side of the economy. Although in the future, he might want to come up with something a bit more...

What is it with the crazies with the guns at the town halls complaining about the health care reform death panels? There are no health care reform death panels. Is this what constitutes legitimate dissent now? Just making stuff up? Okay. Fine. I want to protest the black capsules the...

Besides needing a vacation from your vacation, the worst part of returning to work after a traditional summer holiday, is the realization that you're going to need a minimum of two days for every day gone just to get back into the swim of things. And the mound of memos...

I want to take this time to congratulate the Iranian people for upgrading to a participatory government where they feel empowered enough to take to the streets to complain. For those of you who have been too busy digging under bushes for returnable bottle deposits, there is major rioting going...

One of the biggest joys of the open road is its pure democracy. Bentleys and Pintos idling side by side at the same red light. Limos, BMWs, Fords and those little enh cars that look like they've been squashed between two big rigs, all subject to the same speed traps,...

The government has it all wrong. Yeah, yeah, I know. Who's ever heard THAT before? "This Just In: Water Is Wet." What's got my knickers in a big old knotted ball the size of Kobe Bryant's ego this time around is the age- old practice of politicians balancing their financial...

The President revealed his nominee for the Supreme Court, selecting a 54 year- old daughter of Puerto Rican immigrants who had been elevated to The Second District Court by George H W Bush. And what a genius political move it was. Sonia Sotomayor: a woman AND a Hispanic. From the...

It's harder than frozen bratwursts to believe we've reached the end of May already, but there it is--Memorial Day--delivering a swift kick in the buns to any lingering memory of a very ugly winter. And the mustard rises on another summer. Coincidentally, gas prices continue to spike. Again. Hey, alright....

I'm sick of torture. And the fact that we're one of the countries way up there on the J.D. Powers annual "torture reliability" list makes me unwell as well. As does talking AROUND torture. What this country needs is an up front national referendum on whether we should or shouldn't...

We sort of skipped past President Obama's first 100 days last week due to the looming horror of the dreaded SWINE FLU EPIDEMIC, which now looks about as lethal as your average bunny rabbit furball contagion. Although people do continue to flip out, like Egypt, which slaughtered nearly Every Pig...

Q. What is swine flu?
A. A respiratory disease caused by a type A influenza virus that has mutated into H1N1, and is currently terrorizing the globe. Don't you read the papers?

Q. What are these papers you speak of? Poor President Obama. Everything happens on his watch. Does...

I hate Earth Day. I'm serious. It makes my head hurt. Pours buckets full of tiredness into my soul. 40 years of watching it slowly transform from a vibrant subversive movement to an ineffectual Hallmark holiday has sucked all the energy out of me. We're approaching President's Day here in...

It's bad enough Obama has to juggle two wars while scrubbing the floor of the White House trying to clean up the domestic mess left by the previous tenant, but as soon as he looks out the door, what does he see... pirates. That's right. Pirates. And no, I'm not...

The excitement is palpable. G-20 Mania has swept the country like blue mold on dead fruit in the crisper bin of an abandoned refrigerator. Especially amongst the 18 Americans aware that the G-20 is a meeting of the leaders of the world's top economic nations and not a Bingo call....