Will Durst

Disregard the almanac. And the calendar. Forget whatever the meteorologist or the astrology charts or your next-door neighbor with the hair growing out of a mole shaped like the state of Delaware on his nose told you. The true worm-hole opening to summer is not the upcoming solstice on Wednesday,...

You don't need a psychoanalyst to detect the latent theme running through the endorsements currently showering Mitt Romney like broken rain gutters pouring down on a concrete toadstool. And that premise is ennui. "Mitt? Really? Yeah. OK. Whatever." Makes tepid sound like a crazed bellow. With wild enthusiasm as MIA...

A thousand rainbows of congratulations to Barack Obama for bursting out of his own personal policy closet and fabulously proclaiming he believes "same sex couples should be able to get married." Sir! Welcome to the third year of the second decade of the 21st century! You also might want to...

Since Governor Romney has sewed up the nomination tighter than one of Chris Christie's old suits, the only remaining Republican election drama is which name the Bairn of Bain Capital intends to place on the bottom of his bumper sticker. Yes, friends, it's once again time to play that quadrennial...

Now the general election has unofficially begun, you and I and pretty much everyone dear to us, except of course, beleaguered Kansas City Royal fans who eat BBQ at least twice a week, are about to be buried under such a blizzard of polls -- we'll be lucky to evade...

Remember way back when his own staffer said Mitt Romney had the convictions of an Etch A Sketch? Well, stand back, because as we speak, the former governor of Massachusetts is being flipped over and shaken so hard the fillings in the back teeth of his whole family are starting...

Some small-minded pundits are guaranteed to grouchily opine this is neither the time nor the place to be re-circulating unfounded conspiracy theories. Then again, mightn't it be more imprudent to ignore the latest rumors and dark mutterings concerning something as important as the nomination of a presidential candidate? Of course...

Let us talk of many things, of Cabbages and Kings. Of Ultimate Arbiters. The Court of Last Resort. SCOTUS. The judicial graveyard where appealers go to die. The Supreme Court of the United States, which reluctantly deigned to hear testimony on a subject so obviously beneath them, it was an...

No. It's not over. Well, okay, it's kind of over. But the Republican nomination is not totally- otally over. As it very well should be. How over? So over, the fat lady not only sang, she should be back in her hotel room kicking off her shoes easing into a...

Not easy being a Muppet. Referring to Greg Smith, formerly of Goldman Sachs, who wrote an op-ed in the New York Times about getting the hell out of Dodge, due to his company's relentlessly spiraling moral depravity. According to Smith, associates are encouraged to pursue profit above all else, and...

And now your eagerly awaited Super Tuesday Report. Named for the quantity of contests and not the quality of participants. Perhaps it would be more apt to say Not So Super Tuesday Report. More of a Frenetic and Confusing but Ultimately Unsatisfying with a Slight Aftertaste of Desperation Tuesday Report.

Odd week for Mitt Romney. The roller coaster candidate was on the receiving end of more mixed messages than a basement bulletin board at the United Nations on Take Your Schizophrenic to Work Day. While cruising to an easy victory in the Arizona primary he barely eked out a squeaker...

Once again, the wacky wheel of destiny takes a mighty spin and the big red pointer lands smack on the name of the next Great White Republican Hope -- Rick Santorum. The seventh or eighth candidate to vault into the lead of the GOP sweepstakes primarily because he is not...

Don't mean to overreact and risk boosting everybody's blood pressure higher than opening offers on Facebook's upcoming IPO, but this might be a halfway decent time to seek out a nice safe steel bunker to hunker down in or behind, because it's awards season and heavy metal statuettes are being...

There's something about Mitt. And whatever it is, a few folks are definitely allergic. Maybe they sense he has the same connection to humanity that a drive shaft has to bouillabaisse. Could be he's worth more than most small Balkan nations. Might be the Mormon thing or perhaps he just...

It's been more exciting than a zip-line over crocodile infested streams watching the Republican Reality TV show currently playing across the nation. Specifically talking about their grueling marathon gladiator contest where the last person voted off the island becomes Red American Idol and wins the opportunity to oppose Barack Obama...

As rare and mythical as the unicorn, it too cavorts amongst the clouds with double rainbows birthing from its unfathomable depths. But instead of worshipful 12 year- old girls, it is conservative politicians who tack drawings of this inamorata on walls above their beds. We're talking about the legendary... Mainstream....

What You Need to Play:

• 4 taxpayers: 1 white Wall Street type in full suit and yellow power tie, (MBA Guy) 2 ordinary folks sporting jeans, 1 in blue work shirt, other in white shirt, (the Jeans) and 1 person wearing clothes that look like they were used for floor...

Surely you're longing to hear some scathingly humorous remarks concerning the New Hampshire primary. And it would be our honor to relate a few pithily amusing jibes about 2012's primary primary. Only, sorry. Not going to happen. Can't be done. NH is so... over and done with. Day before yesterday....

Q. A little help here. Exactly what are the Iowa Caucuses?
A. The Iowa Caucuses is a method of choosing a presidential nominee. Held every four years. Usually in Iowa.

Q. Why is it so important?
A. Number one in the batting order. Opening stanza of an epic...