George Bush is a Junkie

George Bush is morphing into a junkie before of our very eyes and nobody seems to care. He's a doper. I'm serious, people, look at him. Check out his next press conference. Not only is he crazy with the shakes, he's sporting suspicious stains on his pants. I'm not kidding, the President of the United States has twisted into a veto addict.

Didn't veto one bill for five and a half years. Not one. Then in the last fourteen months he succumbed to the siren call of the nation of Slimebaggia and gone total veto dope fiend on us. Drooling and sweating and shivering like a shaved poodle nailed to the foul pole of Coors Field during a night game in April anticipating his next delicious hit--the next delectable bill the Democratic Congress will send him so he can satiate his veto jones. Maybe there's something in the ink. Or he's using special pens. Just look at him: He's confused, unfocused. He slurs. The president of the United States slurs. That's not good. Scratching at his face, can't complete simple sentences. All archetypal symptoms of your classic burnout. So far he's vetoed a children's health insurance program, two stem cell bills, a new water project and infrastructure bill, an education, health and job training bill and one supplemental war funding bill.

Somebody in the Senate must suspect because they just thwarted his opportunity to veto another Iraq funding bill pissing the President off more than a tethered crow. He's not shy about his unnatural urges either, practically daring Congress to send him more bills that would help people instead of corporations, so he can get his grubby little veto fix and spend the rest of the day nodding off on the South Lawn in a rocker with a blanket over his legs. He's even taken to blaming others for the situation he finds himself in. Calls Congress fiscally irresponsible. This, from a man who is in the process of spending 1.5 trillion dollars on an unnecessary war. Shifting blame. Another classic behavioral trait of your garden variety hophead.

Since taking office, he's turned a $236 billion surplus into a $413 deficit making him the biggest federal spender in history. And he's preaching to Democrats about fiscal responsibility? Face it: he's a junkie. And Nancy Pelosi and Henry Reid are enablers. I'm telling you people. Keep him away from the silverware.

This post originally appeared on 23/6 (236.com), the new comedy news site. Click here for more satiric, of-the-moment takes on the day's top stories.

Comments

[BNAUGHTY]

Cheers Will, great as usual....

[TomR]

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George Bush is morphing into a junkie before of our very eyes and nobody seems to care. He's a doper. I'm serious, people, look at him...Just look at him: He's confused, unfocused. He slurs. The president of the United States slurs. That's not good. Scratching at his face, can't complete simple sentences. All archetypal symptoms of your classic burnout.
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No morphing--same sh*t, different day. He's been like this all along.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irOFAjsnSg0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHSiqQpg7Uc

- Tom

[TRYKER]

What a writer, that was a great fun post. Only one thing I'd take exception to...sharpen the knives and leave him alone with the silverware.
Did you notice his latest emphasis on his ending S's? A lot of hiss hiss in them, just like a slurring drunk.
If he's as honest about his abstaining from booze as he is about everything else, why would we think he is not drinking or using?

[bushdoescrack]

bush is like a little boy who has discovered a new toy, in this case the "veto".

[Citizenofreality]

I can't wait to see his episode on Intervention.

[Rand]

As one of my two favorite political comedians (The other being Lewis Black) once wrote "Impeach 'em? Hell, no! IMPALE 'em!"

I've probably quoted that one line of yours (Always with attribution!) more than any line from any comic in YEARS!

[blooddoc]

Bush has swam so far out from the shores of reality that he can't see land now. In January 2009 he will drown in the Sea of Ideology and (hopefully) not be heard from again. His epitaph will read, "He was, arguably, the worst president the nation has ever seen."

[AlButerol]

Woody Allen said that the white house staff used to count the silverware whenever Nixon left the white house. I think this applies to the chimp as well.

[peterg76]

Something tells me the article might be satire, but everything in it is factual and accurate.

[True]

I have fortunately never succumbed to chemical dependency but have dealt with addicts. It's painfully obvious the guy is drunk or on drugs or both.

[nancytheragingliberal]

You have confirmed my observations of "W" and, as the children I teach say, "I'm ascared." I'm really, really, really ascared. The way his skin has a gray, white, red hue, and he twists his face every which way, why this is just plain not normal. This is the leader of the free world? He is in way over his head, and has been since day one. What were the American people thinking, voting him in twice??

[libmatters]

Keep the Narcan handy. As much as I'd like to see him OD'd and comatose, we don't want Cheney taking over now.