Washington DC -- A Spanish court has agreed to consider a criminal case against six former Bush Administration officials over allegations they helped craft the legal means with which to torture prisoners in US custody. With arrest warrants likely to be issued, this criminal complaint brought before one of Europe's leading counter-terrorist courts has lead to renewed questions about America, the rule of law, and human rights as well as raised a serious road-block in the way of two of the targets' summer vacation plans.
Former Chief of Staff and Legal Counsel to Vice President Cheney, David Addington, and law professor, John Yoo had made plans to spend this summer backpacking across Europe, which have now been put in jeopardy by a criminal probe which could lead to their possible arrest and extradition, should they travel to any European country. "We were totally psyched, just to get out there, you know," said Yoo, "I have a lot of free time now that things have soured at Berkeley, and I planned a whole list of places we were going to stay at. I bought the "Let's Go" Western Europe, and even a new back-pack and sleeping bag, but now this whole 'crimes against humanity' thing has just put a huge damper on the whole thing. You'd think I'd advocated child murder or something."
Dave and John's Bogus Journey...
The judge who agreed to hear the case is Baltasar Garzon, who has brought cases against ETA, Al Qaeda, and perhaps most famously against former Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet. When reached for comment, Addington scoffed at Garzon and the possible case against him, "I don't know who this guy thinks he is. First Pinochet, now us, it's like you can't even have a dirty war, without some do-gooder trying to arrest you. Prosecuting people who commit atrocities in a court of law? What is this Russia? Now my vacation is ruined."
Yoo and Addington first became close friends when working in The Vice President's office creating the legal cover for the Executive branch to bypass the Geneva Conventions in prosecuting the War on Terror. Since then, they have long dreamed of spending a summer traveling across Europe, and according to Addington, "just finding themselves."
The two men's itinerary included stops at The Tower of London, The Plaza Mayor in Madrid, The Amsterdam Torture Museum, The Maze Prison in Belfast, Dachau and many of the continent's historic castles and dungeons. "We're both charmed by the Gothic splendor of 'Old Europe', really old Europe," said Yoo, who mentioned that they had first got the idea from repeat viewings of their favorite slap-stick comedies National Lampoon's European Vacation and Hostel, "David and I both love Chevy Chase."
"It's a shame when you have someone who thinks they're above the law...like Mr. Garzon," said Addington, "and now two innocent people have to suffer. We had been looking forward to this for years, and now they just want to put us on the rack...I'm speaking metaphorically, of course."
"Looks like another summer of bar-b-que's at Doug Feith's place," said a visibly pained Yoo.