The London Summer Olympics will kick off on July 27 and run through August 12.
This raises a number of obvious questions: how many human interest stories will the network run about an Olympian overcoming the death of their favorite hamster or some such to become the best (insert event here)? Answer: approximately 14,000.
Will James Bond really parachute into the Opening Ceremonies? Answer: of course he will. He's James Freaking Bond.
Will inclement weather interfere with any of the events? London is located in England. So yes.
Here's a question you may not have asked yourself: what would it sound like if some of history's most prominent authors were enjoined to add their commentary to the games?
Lucky for you, we've taken it upon ourselves to ask AND answer that question.
You can see the results in the pages that follow.