THE BLOG
02/24/2014 12:57 pm ET Updated Feb 02, 2016

Thank God for Arizona's Religious Freedom Bill: One Gay Man's View

Arizona's House Bill 2153 has received legislative approval and is on the way to the governor for a signature. This bill gives individuals and businesses more rights to refuse to provide services based on their religious beliefs. I say hallelujah, this is a good thing. As a gay man, I am a little sick and tired of the way straights are committing an indecent number of sins and then expecting us to serve them.

How many straights have married at the drop of a hat and then divorced just as quickly simply because they can? Should we make floral arrangements for their sham marriages? Should we style their hair and prepare crudité for their receptions? It is time for LGBT individuals to say enough is enough. Divorce is a sin. We will not serve divorcees.

Have you noticed the ever widening American waist? Gluttony is at an all-time high. If I had a dollar for every overweight American family I have watched guzzling their super-sized sodas, I would be a very wealthy man indeed. This bill will allow all waiters and waitresses to simply refuse service to our overweight, straight brothers and sisters. Amen! Gluttony is a sin. We will not serve overweight people.

Now let's talk about the real sin: straight American fashion. There is no sense of decency in the way they mix artificial fibers together. All designers, store clerks and tailors should be rejoicing that House Bill 2153 is close to being passed. Leviticus 19:19 clearly states that garments of two different kinds of materials mixed together is forbidden. Are you a fashion disaster? We will not serve you.

We have all heard of the angry, middle-aged, white American male. Take a look at the Republican Party.They are just about the angriest people I know. Guess what? We don't have to do a thing for them. Anger is one of the seven deadly sins. If you are mad as hell and don't want to take it anymore, we are not going to give it to you. I'm talking to you too, rent boys. No more servicing closeted politicians. We will not serve angry Republicans.

Have you noticed that no one seems to be aging anymore? Plastic surgery, injections, rejuvenations, massages and spa days seem to be turning back the clock. But what is all of this? I'll tell you what it is. It is pride (vanity). It is time that we beauticians, estheticians, masseurs and plastic surgeons stopped enabling bored housewives and aging CEO's by refusing treatment. We will no longer make straight people beautiful.

I am well aware that many LGBT people may commit many of these sins and God knows we have a high level of pride. But, here is the beauty of this bill. You as an LGBT individual get to decide which people offend you and your religious sensibilities. You get carte blanche!

Now, I know that many people are screaming that this bill will affect LGBT people by allowing people and businesses to stop serving us.The joke is on them. LGBT individuals have no rights as it is in Arizona. What the Republicans have done without realizing it, is to allow us to discriminate against them. But let's remember what this bill is really all about and give thanks for our religious freedom.

William Dameron's personal blog is The Authentic Life