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Dear Straight Friend: Facebook Ground Rules From Your Gay Friend

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Dear straight friend:

I've been keeping up with you and the family on Facebook, and I have to say, the vacation pictures looked awesome, and the kids are so tall now! The other thing Facebook has allowed me to see is all your likes and comments, so I just want to set a few Facebook ground rules for our friendship, OK?

  • I know you are a Republican and you are feverish in your support of Romney and Ryan. They make a really cute couple! Go on and support them and click those like buttons. But as my friend, you need to let them know you won't support their anti-gay stance. Because if you vote for them but don't tell them that my love for Paul is equal to your love for Susan, then you are telling me that my husband is second-class, and I'm afraid we can't be friends. Yeah, I know, you just want jobs and a future for your kids and my marriage is not really your main concern. Guess what? We want the same things, and there is no reason we can't have it all.
  • I'm not going to make a comment about all those cat pictures you've been posting. OK, I will. Some are cute, but mostly they're kind of creepy. But here's the point: I do read your comments and status updates, and although you think that because you have a gay friend, it's OK to write things like, "I just watched Glee, does that make me super gay?" it's not OK. I can make a joke about being gay, because I am gay. You cannot. It's really that simple.
  • Chick-fil-A: OK, OK, I know we've beaten this dead horse and you're really sick of hearing about it, but let's give it one more whack. You know I've told you it's not about freedom of speech but about the money they funnel to hate groups, but hear me out. Even if it was about freedom of speech, do you really need to celebrate the ugly message by eating a chicken sandwich and clicking the like button? Come on, man.
  • So, you think your youngest son Bobby might be gay. I'm really glad you contacted me and sent me an email asking me for my advice. Good call. But don't start the email with, "No offense, but I really hope my son's not gay." I understand that you think life will be harder for him. I also understand that it's a shock, but when you start the sentence with, "No offense," I'm going to take offense, because, well, look at me: I'm absolutely the happiest I have ever been, because I accept who I am. Bobby will be just fine as long as you tell him this one thing: "I love you exactly the way you are and wouldn't change one thing, because it's not a choice, and I'm so happy you now know who you are, too." Guess what? In some states he can get married, have kids, and do all those things you always dreamed he would do, which brings me back to point number 1: If you don't care about my marriage, then think of your children's or your grandchildren's marriage.

Those are the rules. I don't think I'm asking too much. It all boils down to common decency. I'm glad we had this little talk. Aren't you? Let's go get a beer.

William Dameron's personal blog is The Authentic Life.